Commitment. Forgiveness. Unconditional love. Communication. Patients. Happiness. Smiles. Contentment. Understanding. Humbleness. Selflessness.
These are some words that come to mind when I think about marriage or to be more specific my marriage. When I was a little girl I dreamed of being loved like Bell, Cinderella, Jasmine, Aerial, Aurora, Snow White. As I grew older there were more frogs then princes thats for sure. I didn't realize the magnitude of the task to weed through the warty things.
When I hit my twenties I doubted that there would be someone to love me like I desired to be loved. Eventually I gave my obsession to God and concentrated on him instead. Then I met Josh. Those who are following our love story (you can catch up here at the bottom of the page) know that it wasn't conventional and it was by surprise. A whirl wind romance.
Our love affair has been a passionate, challenging, hard, and rewarding. I can't imagine my life with anyone else.
Here is my confession: Sometimes it seems easier to give up then work on it.
Ok don't throw stones at me. We all have times of weakness. Anyone who knows Josh and I see how much we love each other. But there are days where I am don't feel like being the words above... forgiving, loving, patient. Sometimes Josh drives me CRAZY!
I think of how I struggle sometimes to see his side and want my own way. I get very un-meek and get frustrated when things don't go MY way.
In the bible God relates our relationship with him as a marriage. And I was frustrated just yesterday my spirit was quickened. Does God get frustrated with me? Does he feel like throwing in the towel when I'm being stubborn and continue to fail?
The answer: No.
This morning Josh and I in our devotion talked about meekness. I realized that if I'm honest with myself I'm not that meek.
This is an extremely difficult word to translate into English, because we think "meek" implies weakness. Sometimes it is translated (NKJV) "gentleness," but that also implies weakness.
The best way to know the meaning of a word is to study passages where it is used. As we do, we will see meekness is an attitude or quality of heart [1 Peter 3:4] whereby a person willingly accepts and submits without resistance to the will and desires of someone else. The meek person is not self-willed - not continually concerned with self, his own ways, ideas, and wishes. He is willing to put himself in second place and submit himself to achieve what is good for others. Meekness is the opposite of self-will, self-interest, and self-assertiveness.
This is a sign, not of weakness of character (as some think), but of strength. It requires great self-control to submit to others.
I love how they put this. When I read this my heart is convicted. Because in my marriage, friendships, and most important my prayer life. I put my self in first place. I get frustrated when my self-will is not fulfilled. When my prayers that are selfish don't get answered I feel crushed and betrayed by God because he didn't answer.
What I've come to realize I want more of Christ in then I want myself. Without God my heart is not good. My motives are not naturally good. I'm only aiming toward righteousness through God and God alone.
So, the challenge to myself (and you if you want) is to practice being meek. In my marriage, friendships, and most of all my prayer life.
Thats all for today!!