Thursday, March 30, 2017

Warning: Rant ahead

My post on here, my personal Facebook, my Instagram account almost never hold a rant. 

There is this stigma that really gets under my skin. 

I lost my baby at six weeks and one day. And I am grieving. It is hard.

No that does not make my love any less for E. 

No his everyday smiles does not some how magically erase my broken heart. (It sure helps me smile though)

No I am not reveling in the past but mourning a child... that I already had dreamed of. Made plans for. Decided on a name if it was a girl. 

No I am not being dramatic. 

If you know me at all the desire to be a mother has been strong in my heart since childhood. 

So to loose something you so desperately want is heartbreaking. 

It does not take away from my faith, or mean I don't trust in God. 

It does mean I am questioning and asking why? 

It does mean that I get angry. And feel I have been dealt an unfair hand. 

It does mean that when I walk into Kroger and see a new born baby sometimes I try with all my might not sob as I shop for my family. 

There are times when I take out my ultrasound and just weep. 

And ALL of this is okay. Grief is a journey. 

Guess what?

I have a therapist. And I value my time going to spend talking to her. 

I embrace personal growth

No, that does not mean I am crazy. 

It means that I need a non-judgmental and unbiased person to listen and help me work through what ever I am going through. 

There is nothing wrong with that. 

Dealing with my emotions and experiences has made me a better wife, mother, and a better person in general.

Why do you think we have so many unhealthy relationships, bad parenting, generational abuse, generational addiction, and so on... 

Because as a whole our society is not mentally healthy... or even have to the tools to cope with life. 

We still live in a world that has the stigma of mental health and counseling. 

We are considered dramatic? Crazy? Weak? Faithless?

I am just so frustrated by this mindset. 

It hurts my heart to see people take their lives instead of reaching out. 

Last week alone I heard of three..THREE... young people that succeeded in taking their own lives and one who attempted and is now in ICU. 

When you bury your emotions and feelings... they will come out somehow. And not in a positive way. 

I am not saying that you have to get professional help. Just talk to someone. Get it out. Have a good cry. 

Sometimes in life we faced with a crises, we are faced with big decisions...embracing personal growth is a great thing. 

To anyone who has scoffed, rolled your eyes, passed judgment on some one who has had a miscarriage or is grieving and wants to talk about it ... 

Or

To anyone who passes judgment on someone who getting help for their mental well being... 

I say to you...evaluate your heart.

When I started this post I was writing in anger and now my heart is sad at the small mindedness that our society has when it comes to this. 

I guess my rant is over... Smile

I hope everyone is having a great week! 

Look out for another post on Monday on Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage 

All My Love,
Aunt LaLa

Monday, March 27, 2017

One of the Most Important Decisions of My Life

This post is straight from heart and is painful to share... this is not only for my married readers but for my single readers as well. 

I remember when I was 14 and starting writing in a journal to my future husband.

I guess I've always been a romantic and my love for Disney probably didn't help.

To me the person I was going to marry was one of the most important people I would ever meet.

Marriage to me was/is something sacred, important, it would effect my life forever.

It was also something God had created. To join a man and a women together to form a team to work for him. To be companions for each other.

What God had and has planned for me has been important to me...A priority.

I knew what I wanted. I made a list. I petitioned God for about 9 years for my husband. I prayed for him.

My list:
Had to have a one on one relationship with God. Had to be a lifestyle.
Treated his family with respect and love
Filled with the Holy Spirit and believe in the gifts of the spirit
Had to be employed
Either in college or graduated from college
Be ambitious

That is about all I can remember at the moment... which was a tall list. 

But I was determined. 

I made up my mind to date with purpose and not just be with someone to fill time

I made a commitment to keep my body only for my husband which included kissing, hand holding, ect. 

I was ridiculed by friends, scoffed at by family. 

Insulted. Bullied. 

My beliefs and conviction were not taken seriously, and I could see the eye rolls when I would talk passionately about them. 

It shaped many of my insecurities as child, teen, and now an adult. 

It was a lonely time in my life to be set apart from what culture has deemed acceptable. 

Movies told me to follow my heart. Family told me have fun now before I am tied down. "Friends" left me out and found me peculiar. 

There was a time in my life where there was someone I had feelings for. And I followed my heart and allowed my self to become emotionally involved with. Letting my self be treated as second best and I deserved better. My heart ended up being broken.

During this time I did not listen to wise counsel. I did not see the "red flags" that should have been clear to me. I abandoned my commitment to standards that I and everyone woman deserves. 

Honestly, my young heart wanted to be accepted. and Loved. 

One day I woke up and realized that I needed to LIVE. To have a life that was not about everyone else. 

A life that was about loving me and allowing God to show me how he seen me, his daughter. 

I decided to go to college. 

I started to research and call... finding out how I was going to even begin this new adventure. 

I rid my life of people that were having a negative impact on my life. 

I am proud of my journey during that time. Really proud. God moved mountains for me. 

God began to heal my heart.

Loneliness my friends can really lead you down a path of destruction. So does not being patient. 

My heart was not ready to accept the love of my life until I was ready to love myself. 

So, the one of the most important decision of my life was... to love myself. 

Not in a selfish way. But in a way God loves me. I deserve to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. 

I needed friends who were true friends that stood with me and encouraged me. 


So, a really important key to a happy and healthy marriage: Love yourself. Have a standard. Don't settle.

By the way when I met Josh... he met EVERY single thing on my list. And if any of those naysayers read this post. He is the only man I have ever held hands with, kissed, and or have slept with. I did it. I don't regret one thing. I have had plenty of fun 😜😜


I hope you are enjoying these tidbits. But I am not a marriage or relationship counselor and if your finding yourself hopeless, or your relationship in trouble. Get help. Go talk to some one. 

I will continue this series. But there are other things I want to write about as well.  So I may publish these Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage post on Mondays. 

Remember I am always here... message me on my Aunt Lala Facebook page, or email me (auntlala25) at Gmail.

All my love, 
Aunt LaLa



Monday, March 13, 2017

What did you say?

What did you just say??

I remember the look my mom gave me countless times when she would ask me that question...

It gave me a few seconds to rethink what I could say from here...I could repeat what I had said which would of resulted in a punishment...Or I could say something totally different...

Usually I chose the latter...I changed what I said or gave a pouty "nothing"

My mom would say, "that's what I thought" I can still hear her tone. LOL

Our words have power, as a child the negative repercussions we not pleasant but they were not life altering.

As an adult our words hold more weight. We have bigger more complicated relationships. We are in leadership. We have our own children.

I talked about in my last post that I wanted to just put some keys to a happy marriage and a healthy marriage.

I talked about Quality vs Quantity .... The important of investing in your spouse

Today I want to talk about our words.

Josh and I established a set of rules for our marriage with the help of our premarital counselors.

I'm so thankful we did.

We wrote out how we would handle our conflict.

One major aspects of that involved controlling our tongue.

We do not insult, take digs at each other, we don't use sarcasm, we do not call names, we do not yell

Now, in the course of our marriage all of the rules have been broken by one of us.

But it is NOT a practice. When we get heated and tempers are flaring we take a time out. To calm down.

Marriage is a team. A team needs to be united. How can we fight together/for each other...when we are wounding each other?

Words can not be taken back.  They cause wounds in our heart. And without talking it out and apologies being said... That wound becomes infected. Then bitterness is there.

I know couples who have 30+ years of marriage... And they can't stand one another. They are disconnected. They are bitter.

IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!!

Marriage is a gift. You get a best friend, a companion, a team mate, someone to share the load.

Why would you disrespect them? Talk about them? Hurt them?

If you are a new couple or newly married... Please take heed to what I'm saying. Don't fight dirty.

Treasure your spouse. If you have no clue as to where to start,  ask for help.

Surround your self with couples who have a healthy and Godly marriage

Start apologizing

Swallow your pride

Talk it out

Communication

As always if you need me I'm only an email, text, call away

All my love,
Aunt Lala


Thursday, March 9, 2017

Making it Happen

After being married almost ten years I feel like I have some insight to this whole married thing. And let's face it we are always learning.

There some key points that I think are an absolute necessity to a healthy happy marriage.

I'm going to talk about those key things. Not in any particular order of importance just some info I'm going to pass along...

I'm an advocate for healthy and happy marriages. 

I believe they are possible and attainable.

I am an analytical thinker.

To me there is a formula to have a successful marriage.

Before I go into these key points or formula... Be warned... Being in a marriage is work. It's a commitment that is not to be taken lightly. You are a team. 

It's going to take you 100%  to do this. 

This post is talking about a key point: Quality VS Quantity

I'm sure the majority of people have heard that taking date nights are important.

Don't lose the romance

Always date your spouse


These are important.

But I've found its not the "date night" 

It's the quality of time. 

Really a "date night" is just that I guess. But I feel when we encourage a couple to have date night the first things come to mind - money, idea, elaborate, planned...

Sometimes money stops a husband from planning because to him it's not good enough

Ladies, here is a tip... Find an article about cheap/ no money dates. Send it to your husband. Or talk together about some things you could do together

Josh and I have found fun things to do that are free. 

We loved it

We could talk
Hold hands
Dream

Sometimes our quality time has been playing a game for an hour while Ethan napped. 

No interruptions. Has any one noticed how many times a toddler needs you? Or how much they long for your attention? 

Mom's this is for you... Your husband needs to feel needed and heard just like you. Step away from those life sucking kiddos and go greet with a passionate kiss at the door.

Newsflash ladies, our husband's need to be pursued too. Just usually not in the same way. 

So if you want your husband to invest in Quality time into you, try investing in him.

Take out the guess work. Guys don't do hints. No crystal ball in their back pockets. Open your mouth and express in a non -confrontational judgy way what your needs are.

Here are some cheap/free ideas
1. Dinner at home (get those grandparents on speed dial)
2. Local art museum
3. Walk downtown
4. There are usually discounted tickets to symphony or the like during the weekday
5. History museum
6. Play a game at home add in a sexy twist
7. Picnic
8. Go out for ice cream
9. Hike (heard that was fun 😉)
10. Miniature golf

Whatever floats your boat.... Just make the time for each other. Invest in your relationship

Check out the vlog I did with Josh over on his YouTube channel. We went on a date and invited all of you with us! 


All my love,
Aunt Lala