Showing posts from October, 2013


Unstable is how I feel. Not in a I might harm myself or others...ok there is one person who I'm having a hard time being around. God and I are working on that. Any way, I'll spare you details [not wanting to sound whiny] but every since God opened the doors for me to share our story it feels as if I have been in a battle. 
I'm weary. I'm angry. I'm worried. I'm fearful. I'm insecure.
However, I do serve a God who loves me and no, I don't understand all his ways and I'm certain they are far more complex than my mind can comprehend.
He is strong He is calm He is peace He is LOVE He is unchanged
Where I'm weak he is strong. 
I'm thankful for friends and family who are praying for us. We have decisions to make, changes to come and we need his guidance. 
Let's encourage one another, is there anything I can pray for you about? I would love to. Darkness is driven out by light. So let's spread CHRIST love and praise God for what he has don…

Hope's Balloon Release II

So October 15th (which was my 28th birthday) Josh woke me up with blueberry pancakes in bed singing me Happy Birthday! 
It was a sweet start to our day. 
After getting ready we headed to the park to set everything up and get started with our 2nd balloon release in honor of Hope. 
Unfortunately there were several disapointments that morning, it almost as if something was trying to work against what we were doing. 
I was really excited to Channel 8 pull up and I was interview again! I've been trying to get my hands on that video, so pray I can. It was aired but I did not know that it would be. So hopefully I can see it. The reporter actually got footage of us praying and the balloons being released. 
It was an emotional day, very emotional. It was my honor to release balloons in honor of Hope and all the babies we are grieving for.
I'm thinking next year that we will try and have a release on the weekend before or after the 15th. That way more are available to come. 
So here …

Hope's Balloon Release

Tomorrow is the day. Hope's 2nd annual balloon release. The day we remember all the babies lost. Ones we have got to hold, carry, love, even the ones we didn't get to meet face to face.  They are all equally important and missed. 
I wrote an article for Happy Wives Club titled Happy With My Family of Two
God knew excatly when this needed to be published what wife/women needed to read it. Infertility, loss, PCOS are HARD journey's to take. 
Last year I fought hard to enjoy life again, very hard. I had to make a choice and this article talks a little about that. I had to embrace our family of two. 
Just to clarify, J and I are completely open to adoption or what ever avenue God sees fit to give us a child. This article was not saying I'm just excepting no children... ever. I am saying I am not going to stay in that place of want-desperation-depression-anger-jealousy- and so on. What quality of life would that be? 
My heart aches everyday for my baby, but I've decid…

WVLT Interview

So at 5:45 J and I pulled ourselves out of bed and waiting anxiously for my interview to be shown!

Then there it was, I have to be honest I was nervous, excited, and even though I'm celebrating Hope my heart was hurting.

I'm so thankful for the support I recieve from my husband, family, and friends. I pray that the 15th at the balloon release there will be peace and a step toward healing for other women.

I feel many mixed emotions right now! One of them is excited, I know God opened this door and I cannot wait to see what he is going to do in Josh and I's lives.

Here is to my sweet baby, I love you Hope with all my heart.

In the video I show my heart. This heart is from A Heart to Hold. They are an amazing organization. Their mission is: To offer comfort to families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss by creating and sharing the gift of a weighted handmade heart. I love my heart and it stays close to me. I'm so grateful to have recieved it.  The certificate…

Moving Forward

Finished my interview this morning! It will be aired tomorrow morning in the 6am hour on WVLT Local 8 news. I will make sure to post the link on here and on my Facebook page as well.
What a journey that God has taken us on. When I wrote the First post about Hope, it was such difficult day.
I've went back and read that post and remember the paralyzing grief I felt. There are no right words to express my gratefulness that I can now function, and the pain does not take my breath away everyday.
I can be honest in saying that almost a year and 1/2 later my heart is still hurting. I am not sure you ever stop hurting but as cliche as it sounds time does heal. It is OK that I have good and bad days... grief is like that. It can hit you all at once and not even see it coming. Then there are days like today where I feel empowered because of what I have been through. I want help others process all of this, and be able to learn myself through others.
I am so incrediably grateful to be abl…

Wow Moments

What a day! I never in my dreams thought that God would open the door he did today!
First, there is nothing locally supporting Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month or any one doing something October 15th for the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day that I can find. 
So, J and I decided that we would put together a balloon release in honor of Hope. (If you are interested in attending or would like a balloon released in honor of a precious one then please feel free to email me auntlala25 at gmail - or comment) 
This morning I seen a post from a local news station trying to find out if there were any breast cancer awareness activities going on. I posted that this month was also Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month as well. She asked that I email her with more information about this. And I did. 

So WOW part is they want to interview me! I will be able to share our story and spread awareness!! How amazing is that!?? They will also share what time our balloon release is.

I am 1 in 4

October is Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month. 
1 in 4 woman suffer with this pain and grief everyday. 
When we lost Hope, I truly thought I would die. It was my worst nightmare. 
I have had some really bad day and some really good days. 
Yesterday was a bad day, but today is a little better. 
I have clung to my faith through this and want to extend a crying shoulder, a listening ear that needs it. 
Honestly some days it seems that God has forgotten me, I know he hasn't because his word tells me he will never leave me... but it is some days I get down but he always gives me strength to move through. 
I needed and need people to recognize our Hope, she was real and we love her. 
I know I will always carry Hope with me.

No matter where I hear the word Hope I think of her. 
I'm going to have a balloon release again this year. It will not be as formal as last year and I'm hoping to work on a actual walk and service for next year. 
October 15th is the nationally recogniz…