Aunt LaLa

 Hi everyone!  If you are still around and reading my ramblings...thank you.  I've always loved to write, not too long ago someone asked me why I never write anymore.  My immediate answer was "I just don't have the time" But really, I could make time. I think life has been CRAZY, hard, and full. I think just like everyone there has been a struggle in all of us this last year and into this year.  I have had some personal things I have worked through. Some things in my family that have been hard to navigate. My heart has grieved.  However, God has been nearer than he ever has. I have seen small and big miracles. I have seen healing. I have seen other men and women of God change before my eyes. Seeing answered prayers of people that I care about happening weekly.  I have depended on God more in the last year and a half than I ever  have. I have also experienced more freedom than I ever have spiritually.  I am just incredibly grateful. So gratefu...

(I started writing this a couple weeks ago, today was a good day 😘😘) Sittin here right now holding my girl. It's almost midnight... And today was a hard day. I know that if your a mom, you know what kind of day I'm talking about. My four year old has been so clingy. (Yes, I know he won't always be that way) if you have never had a child literally cling to you ALL DAY... Then let me just tell you... It's exhausting. At the same time I have an almost four month old who depends on me for everything. Today was just one of those days. To be completely honest, I've been cranky. Short tempered. I have always wanted to be a mom. I mothered everyone when I was a child (sorry cousins) But listen, mothering is hard. Being a stay at home mom is so hard. Being a working mom is so hard. Sometimes it's lonely. Being a dad is hard. Staying at home or working. Being a parent is HARD. oh but those moments when you see your four year old contemplate a choic...

I wrote this post last month actually... and I felt it needed some editing. Here is the finished post. I didn't change the ending because in the moment of writing this God was working on my heart and turned my pity party into a very humble and personal moment... I hope it touches your heart in some way. These past couple weeks have been harder for me. Not sure if it's my sweet natured baby is now yelling, pitching fits, hitting when he is mad... Sigh. Then I was sick. Then hormones are acting up.  Whatever the cause I've really missed my life being just Josh and I.  I miss being able to stay on the phone for way too long with my best friend. I miss being in school.  I miss the camraderie of my cohort. I miss being able to enjoy going to work.  I would not change having Ethan. My BIG little miracle. The gift of being a mommy is one of the greatest gifts. I love him so much. But being a mommy sometimes is lonely. There is a sacrifice to be...