Aunt LaLa

Merry Christmas! I love Christmas ❤️ In honor of CHRISTMAS I'm going to tell my sweet girls birth story Last night I was reminded that a new baby holds so much joy. Hope. Love. A baby reminds me that thousands of years ago my savior was born in Bethlehem. He had a mommy and a daddy that kissed all over his face. Smelled his sweet breathe.  Held him close. That precious baby was going to grow and be the Lord over us all. Oh my heart. So, I was scheduled for cesarean at exactly 38 weeks pregnant. I was scared. Scared of pain. Scared of something going wrong. Scared of the impact on my baby boy being away from me for several days. But, as much as I was grateful for my baby girl, I was DONE being pregnant. So done. This pregnancy was so hard, harder than Ethan's. My emotions, my body were kaput. Four years + my age + life= one tired/hormonal/physically exhausted momma The night before we were to be at the hospital I ate ...

I have a draft that I was working on at the end of January. I had every intention of filling my blog with with a post at least once a week. I had some drafts put together. At the end of January, our lives kind of took a crazy turn. One in which I was not expecting.  (long post ahead...) Little did we know this crazy turn would be an up and down emotional roller coaster. I was feeling pretty tired and sensitive, normal for me when getting close to "that" time.  I was talking to my sister and realized that I was late. About a week late. Which since having Ethan only happened once... When I was pregnant with Little Bit.  I bought a pack of two, went home. Did the test let it sit, the one line that always shows up quickly showed... So I sat it down.  Told myself it's not time, it may never be time. That's okay. We can adopt. My normal pep talk I give myself after every negative test.  I waited the appropriate time, gathered the tras...

My last post was not a happy one or really all that joyful was it? When I wrote No Answers  I was in a rough place. This has been a trying year. A year of death, loss, trial after trial. At one point we owned three cars and not one was dependable. It was like a comedy and we were the punch line. Honestly with December came this feeling of hopelessness. I felt desperate to feel some sort of soothing balm to my open wounds. I have seen my sweet cousin lose her husband, Brian.  A young woman who was 25 die of cancer leaving three young children behind. We lost a pillar of our church, a man well into his nineties. He was and is dearly loved. A little child burned Children taken from their mother My sweet husband has lost two aunts and an uncle this year.... My sister was in a car accident and if not for the wonder of Doctors would have been permanently paralyzed... We lost our Little Bit, and a few months earlier a cousin lost her baby I know I am not ...

I cannot believe it has been so long since I have wrote on this blog. At one time I look forward to writing in this blog every single day. But boy has life changed. Today I celebrate the fact that God had other plans for my life then what I actually thought or was told. when I was 15 I was told that I would probably never be able to have children naturally. Then 3 years ago exactly today my biggest dream of having a child I thought was gone forever. Josh and I suffered a loss a very surprising loss. we made it through that with God's grace and strength and I was able to gain friendships through this tragedy that I never thought I would. Hopefully by sharing my testimony through that trying time somebody was touch or encourage through Christ and our testimony. We think about Hope often but somehow our wounds and grief have subsided with the love and gift that we have with Ethan. We haven't forgot about our angel in heaven but are continuing to celebrate life here on earth....

I have been around babies and taking care of them from a very young age but there is just something different when it is your own. There is no "off day", no ending to the shift.  When we came home from the hospital I was so excited and glad to just have my baby at home. So we were now on our own... no nurses and no doctors. Just my boy and I. J had to come pick us up and then return to work unfortunately. So Ethan and I were on our own... it was the best feeling ever.  I was asked if I wanted anyone with me, or was I nervous... the answer to both was no. I honestly could not wait to get by myself with my new little boy.  I knew that there would be sleepless nights. I knew that I was still recovering from surgery. I knew that Josh would be at work all day and I would be the main care taker of Ethan. Oh and do not forget hormones.  Even though I knew that, I gained a whole different understanding of exhaustion. And I gained a whole new respect of my bo...

I have to remind myself that it is OK to feel what I feel... I've been told to give myself permission to just feel the way I do. There is no wrong or right... I just re-read the blog from last year at the second balloon release for Hope and the other angel babies. My heart feels so overwhelmed with so many emotions. Tomorrow is my birthday... I will be 29. I'm sitting right next to a miracle. A real, tangible, breathing miracle. Ethan was not expected to have ever be... then when he was born it was almost as if we were going to lose him before we get to hold him... I do not think I could ever explain the range of emotions I felt the 18 days he was in the hospital. The exhaustion I felt... the anger, hurt, sadness, grief, and absolute joy of being a mother to this beautiful creation! Sometimes we are hardest critics... we compare ourselves to other people or to something that is intangible. Talking to a friend today I was reminded that we have such pre-notions of wh...

Ethan Alexander 9/15/2014 10 lbs. 10 oz Going home outfit! Mommy is happy! First day without any tubes! Love that face! Ethan and mommies first selfie! Daddy finally gets to hold me for the first time! Mommy meeting Ethan for the first time Waiting on Daddy, we are going home!! I know you probably thought I have fell off the face of the earth but actually I was just baking a baby and actually having him! He was born on the 15th of September at 37 weeks. From birth he had several problems and we have been in the NICU for almost 3 weeks.  I have so much I need to write.. but tonight I shall enjoy having my baby home for the first time.  I'm completely in love with my little boy! The Lord be praised for him and healing his body!!

That is our Ethan! Oh my heart! He is weighing 3.1 lbs, looks great! So does mommy! Just please keep praying for us. Love  Aunt LaLa

First off, I know that almost every post (OK all of them) is about Baby Ethan... but I can't really say I'm sorry. I had so many plans and wants about this blog. I really did. I also thought I would have cute little updates and write all this great stuff now that I'm not in school. But seriously, time has RACED by... and I'm left here dumbfounded that I'm now officially in my third trimester (28 weeks today)! How did that even happen? Ethan is our miracle people. I will continue to brag and glorify God! Because we are having a son! God has stepped in so many times to comfort, give strength, and even intervene. He has protected and preserved the life of our baby boy. Whom we are already in-love with! Seriously I spend probably almost an hour everyday watching my stomach move from kicks. This is definitely a new season for me. There are so many transitions that I have faced this year. First I'm no longer a student. I want desperately to return to get my ...