I have been around babies and taking care of them from a very young age but there is just something different when it is your own. There is no "off day", no ending to the shift.
When we came home from the hospital I was so excited and glad to just have my baby at home. So we were now on our own... no nurses and no doctors. Just my boy and I. J had to come pick us up and then return to work unfortunately. So Ethan and I were on our own... it was the best feeling ever.
I was asked if I wanted anyone with me, or was I nervous... the answer to both was no. I honestly could not wait to get by myself with my new little boy.
I knew that there would be sleepless nights. I knew that I was still recovering from surgery. I knew that Josh would be at work all day and I would be the main care taker of Ethan. Oh and do not forget hormones.
Even though I knew that, I gained a whole different understanding of exhaustion. And I gained a whole new respect of my body.
There was one night in the last 2 1/2 weeks (don't ask me when I'm too tired to remember) that little man was having some gas issues and was just crying so much. I had given him medicine and was rocking him, Josh was asleep and I knew he needed to be because he had to work... then it happened. Ethan and I both were crying.
I can laugh about what a pitiful sight we were. But at the moment, I was exhausted... yet as my body wanted to just collapse I found the strength to get back up and walk around the house bouncing little man. Then when he finally passed his gas and had a dirty diaper too (yes I get excited about this, better out than in I tell ya) ...
I laid my little boy that had stopped crying on his changing table and he was just staring up at me. I had stopped crying too. He looked in my eyes and just sighed. It was a sigh of relief.. like "OK mom we made it!" I had to just smile, pick him up and give a billion+ kisses on his cute cheeks.
At that moment I was still exhausted, but it was the best exhausted I had ever felt.