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Showing posts from October, 2016

And it goes on

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"For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." - Psalm 30:5

This scripture is one I've heard many times. And at times one I've clung to.

Sometimes it has helped me in a literal way and sometimes in a figurative way. 

Every night since last Tuesday I have went to sleep with the hope that the next day would be better than the day before. 

Over the last ten days some mornings have been better, some days have been hard. 

Some days I am okay, only tear up a few times. Some days I cry my eyes out while I do simple things. 

Some mornings I look in the mirror and don't give my changed body a second thought. Then there are those moments I feel like my body has betrayed me. 

My breast are back  to normal, my baby bump gone, no more little flutters... that glow you just seem to have when pregnant is gone and replaced with puffy eyes and a sad expression. 

All with in a months time I found out I …

I did not want to write this...again

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I had been keeping a secret from most people that I do not see on a regular basis.

On September 23 I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was so excited, scared, shocked.All sorts of emotions.






We took video of sharing our news with our parents. I was bursting to tell everyone.

But something inside told me to wait. So I did not make an announcement on here or Facebook.

I went to my first ultrasound on September 29 I went in and I was still pretty early (6w1d) and they wanted to see me in two weeks.

So we shared with a few people, asked them to pray.

My body started changing rather quickly and this made me excited.












So today was the day... to see our baby get an official due date and hear our babies heartbeat. 
As soon as I seen the sac, I knew. 
The baby looked the same size, the sac was only a little bigger. 
I felt a rush of anxiousness. 
I knew, I just knew. 
Josh sat there held my hand. 
We both were in shock. 
Our "Little Bit" was gone
I just don't have words t…

HOPE

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*Sigh* I just have to write this out. Get it out. We moved recently and as I was unpacking I looked at the shelf my mom had helped unpack and it had all of our Hope  knickknacks (Most of them came from our first balloon release, we decorated the table with them) .

As I looked at the shelf I was overwhelmed by grief, and the feeling of loss. All these thoughts rushed my mind. Hope would be 4. The memories of that awful night, to pushing through each Mother's day...with my heart ripping out.

I just cried. Cried hard.

My heart felt wounded all over again. And I missed our baby more than I have in a long time.

I've never forgot Hope, but with time and life rushing by the grief and sense of loss is not so fresh.

Your opened wound becomes a scar. A scar that sometimes aches.

Over the week I have seen people sharing their loss in honor of October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and tomorrow the 15th being the Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day.

1 in 4 women shar…

Chill Out

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Whew. Our world, society, and the issues around us have me spinning. Until a few days ago really trying to grasp on to something steady.

My little world is most certainly being effected. I'm seeing family members of my blood relatives and my Christian family standing on opposing sides. Both sides making valid points. Our media fueling the tearing down of any unity we have. Red, yellow, black, white, blue.... Hilary or Trump.

Frankly it is too much. In my own personal opinion Facebook is becoming a breading ground for hurt, disapointment, and anger. A place where we can freely feel brave behind a computer and bash something or somebody without thought of "I'm going to see this person face to face tomorrow"


The hypocrisy of our leaders or future leaders makes me sick.

What can I do? I'm a Geargia preach that is now an East Tennessean. A SAHM. No political background. No platform (so to speak).

But I have this blog, I have my faith.

To be completely honest with you …