Monday, August 26, 2013

Latenights

I probably shouldn't try and write this late (only past 11). It's late for me.

Not sure how to even write all that I feel. It is almost like I've been avoiding sitting down and writing how I feel. Because honestly I have not even allowed myself to stop and "feel". 

For one, the people that I love most in my life have had some major life stressors, which with my 'super hero' 'I can take of everyone' 'I have control over everything' personality has added stress to my life.

None of it being thrown on me with out my consent mind you. 

Father-in-law's life threatening surgery was a BIG deal. I watched people I love go through so many emotions before, during, and after surgery. I watched my husband internalize all his emotions and trying not to worry so that he could work and take care of us. I watched as my mother-in-law faced losing the love of her life. All of this chipping away little by little on my composure. I dove into helping my family, I was relieved to have  something to do that could ease any burden that I could. (I praise God for being with us. My FIL was actually released by his heart surgeon today! )

In the middle of this a certain family member was/is in a very bad "way". And there are children involved whom I love dearly. And I can not help them at this I can only pray.

My grandmother (Right) and my Great-aunt Chris

My grandmother breaking a bone in her foot. Not being able to help as much as I wanted. My heart breaking for her because she is confined, and NONE of the women in our family do well with that. Then unfortunately last Wednesday my grandmother lost on of her sisters. My great-aunt Chris was a sweet heart and I wish I had known her better. It breaks your heart to see the ones you love hurting. And there is nothing you can do besides just be there. 





Then the next day (Thursday) my mother had surgery to remove her gallbladder. Everyone was saying it was easy, simple, nothing to worry about. Well it is not everyday that MY mom goes to surgery. I held my composure and to be honest with you did not really think it affected me that much.

I raced around Thursday after waiting at the hospital with my dad, got mom home, left after mom and dad were settled only to run in the house for literally 7 minutes to shower and get ready. Because that night I had a presentation which involved lecturing a part of a chapter in Community Psychology. I prayed for strength and God was there. I felt it. It was probably one of my best presentations yet. I know the Holy Spirit was with me.

Well I got through that. I was fine. I was going home to pack for my Friday early morning trip to GA to attend my great-aunt funeral and be there in place of my mom. 

We got out of class early, I was going to have dinner with Josh. I get home and Josh informs that we can not have breakfast together before I leave (he could not travel with me due to work) and I found out we would be staying an additional day if I went on the trip. 

My friends that was it. I felt so torn. I felt completely and totally exhausted. Here I was torn between being there for my grandmother who I adore and my mother who is one my dearest friends... And I could not take care of both. Then you add everything else up.... oh boy

Let me just tell you what happened next was not pretty. And I was out of control. It was probably one of the worst anxiety episodes I have had in a long time. No reasoning was calming me down. Josh tried to talk to me and pray with me. It was plain awful. So being the great husband that he is, Josh took control. 

Called my aunt and explained I was in no shape to travel or be away from home at that point. Of course she understood, my grandmother understood. 

Me... yeah I didn't. I was so mad that I could not get a grip. I felt like a failure. 

I did calm down, and the next day Josh gave me strict instructions to have what the psychology people like to call a "Mental Wellness Day". I had pushed myself to my limits. With care taking, school, work, Josh.. just everything. 

I did. I've read 3 books that had nothing to with anything but my enjoyment! 

I was convicted so strongly Sunday... I had fallen into an old habit of mine. Taking control and forgetting that I serve a very big God. He loves my family more than I do. Something else...

I CANNOT HELP/SAVE/COUNSEL EVERYONE! 

It is not my job. 

Can I serve? Yes. But I must remember to allow God to lead not me. And to take of myself. Which I am not good at doing. I realized this in a big way. I was simply emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted.

So my anxiety is still up, but I'm better. Just remember me in your prayers. 

Also please pray for my grieving family, my family who are recovering, and family who I haven't mentioned that truly need a life change. 

Love, 
Aunt LaLa

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

300th Post

Source
That is right my friends my 300th post!! 


So much pressure from a high number :)

I've been thinking about life alot lately.

I have 8 months left of classes... that is right only 8. I will be a college graduate. It is so encouraging for people that care about me to let me know they are praying and they root me on!

Josh and I have only had one year out of our 6 year marriage where I wasn't writing a paper, preparing a presentation, reading a text book... yada yada :)

So I'm looking forward to where God takes me.

This blog is documenting a journey that has had twist, turns, heart aches, and more ... And I'm still growing in all different ways! :)

One of the ways is my weight loss. I have went down 2 pant sizes. So my total weight loss since 2010 is: 123lbs. That's right my friends!! I'm pretty excited about it!

Here are a couple photos courtesy of my hubby...







Monday, August 19, 2013

Love me for me

Happy Wives Club


This made such sense to when I seen it on Happy Wives Club Facebook post!

I remember being so self consious of my looks, personality, well everything when I met Josh.

I've been told many things about myself

Too loud
Can't whisper
Need to lose wieght
No Compassion
Too hard
Too emotional
To straighlaced
Boobs are too small
Calves look like a mans
Flat feet
"You are the STURDY one"
Goody Goody
Uncool
Dork
Ugly
Fat
Your not the baby
Your just like your mom (Which was said as an insult.. but my mom is awesome so Hah!) 

These words and comments follow you throughout life don't they? Every time you go to do something one of these "hauntings" come back.

Going into a new relationship all your insecurities show their ugly heads.

When I met Josh I had a couple of toads and toads friends in my life. It left my self-esteem in a disarray and smashed. I had gained some confidence but not where it should have been.

Then I met Josh. The sweetest and gentlest man ever. His compliments and encouragment has made me the confident woman I am today. I feel sexy. I feel beautiful. Most of all I feel accepted for who I am.

I did not change my core to make him love me... he loves me for me.

So a bit of encouragment...

If you are single- Look for a guy like my Josh who thinks you rock this world! Who loves everything about you! And wants to show you how awesome you are!

If you are dating/seeing a toad- GET AWAY! Listen, if your dating and when he is supposed to be on his BEST behavior he acting like a toad. Making you feel bad about yourself in anyway. SAY GOOD BYE. Because you will not change him before and definitely NOT after marriage

If you are married and you feel these insecurities- You are not alone. Reach out to our community at Happy Wives Club. Or a good ENCOURAGING friend. Talk and communicate your needs to your husband. If he is not listening seek advice from a counselor or pastor.

I hope you know if any of you need an ecouraging word or prayer please contact me... email (auntlala25[at]gmail or facebook

A very blessed wife, 
Aunt LaLa
Happy Wives Club

Friday, August 16, 2013

Friday

Just in case you were wondering I fulfilled my 3x to the dr offices this week!
Friday letters

Dear Friday, you were not that relaxing to start off but got better
Dear J, I love you.
Dear job, thanks for coming through. Now I can make that $$
Dear God, thank you for your faithfulness

Have a great weekend!!

Staying Hopeful,
Aunt LaLa

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Overload

When I say that these past several weeks have been hectic... I'm not lying. I feel like my life has been one big blur since April. With class, work, surgeries, sickness, family issues it is just a big blur. 

Unfortantely I haven't taken the time to sit and write out what is going on. Which is something I really enjoy. I love my blog. I hope you enjoy it as well. 

I'm going to try my best to get back into a decent schedule and add blogging into it. 

What has been going on with Aunt LaLa?

Well for one... your prayers and encouragment through my FIL surgery has been so wonderful. He is doing so much better and we have only had one scare. We are thankful for once again keeping his hand on our family. 

I have an exciting  product review to do next week! I'm so excited about! 

I was also contacted by a potential avenue to get the traffic flowing through here at Aunt LaLa! :) 

My brain has been on overload. I'll tell you how I know that...

 # I lost my car in Wal-Mart parking lot
# I've locked my self out of the house twice in two weeks. I had to heft my CHUNKY self in a window in our living room... that was fun 
# I have drove all the way to the hospital where my FIL was only to get there and realize I was supposed to be going the opposite direction
# (this was so funnny!) On the day my FIL was released the second time (a post on that later) I went and got the car. Then I proceeded to leave the hospital... without them!
# My poor grandmother broke a part of her ankle the Saturday before the surgery. Poor thing has had to sit at home. If you knew her you know this is driving her INSANE! I'm trying to see and talk to her as much I can
#I have been at the hospital almost everyday for the last 3 1/2 weeks. 
#I had a very odd couple become my best buds in the ER. They stared me down and my doritios I was trying to eat. That was actually my dinner! LOL
# I am down 2 pant sizes!! (A post on that too! Josh took some pics of me and their not too shabby!)
# My mother is having gallbladder surgery 


All this while in the hardest class of my life!!! But you know what?? I PASSED with a B!! Thank you Jesus!

Prayer works my friends. He has given me a supernatural strength. 

But anyway, there is just so much I want to share! So see ya tomorrow! (I really mean that this time LOL)

I update often on twitter and instagram! You can follow me on both places! 

Search for auntlala25 and request

or

On my side bar you can the links to my facebook, twitter, and instagram 

Have a great night!

Love,
Aunt LaLa

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Time

Time is a valuable thing...

It passes so fast. 

Today marks 6 years since Josh and I's first date. 

It seems a life time ago really... I was at a clothes store trying to find the perfect outfit to wear. I was nervous and excited. Josh seemed so sweet on the phone. And I enjoyed talking to him (for hours) :-) 

I remember seeing him pull up and watching him get out of his car. My heart just fluttered. I smile thinking about our first date. You can read our love story by clicking here or by going to the "Mr. and Mrs." tab up above.

I value every day, every minute... especially after these last couple of weeks. 


I'm so happy I followed God's leading and took a chance... I love you sweetheart


**Update on FIL: We almost lost my father-in-law Thursday night. He was basically drowning as his body was filling with fluid. It was a scary night for all of us. All is well and I know God was with him and touched his body. He is know doing very well and surprisingly back home. We are believing he will continue to do so.**

 Staying Hopeful, 
Aunt LaLa