I admire my cousin. She lost her husband last year. His birthday was this last month.
In a post she wrote that she wasn't moving on but she was moving forward.
Life continues, it doesn't stop for your crisis, grief, problems, delays... It just goes.
It is really inconsiderate like that.
I think one of the most difficult things to process for me this last season of my life was that very thing- moving forward.
I dug my heels and refused to move until I was ready.
Which trying to do that with a toddler that is one of my greatest joys in life is almost impossible.
I felt guilt for not thinking of Little Bit...Or being happy.
Then there are times when guilt comes because I have not "moved on" or "counted my blessings"
This journey has been more difficult in some ways than losing Hope... And in someways it's been easier
It hurts my heart that I have two babies in Heaven. Not just hurt... Its broken... But it's held together with love.
Wow that does sound cheesy... But it's true.
Love has been my lifeline.
It's been difficult at times when no one seems to remember Little Bit. Which I know they do... But it's not the same for parents who lost.
Everyone around us is in love with our E.
He just shines so brightly! His personality keeps us laughing.
But there are times when I miss our two little angels.
Times when grief snuffs the laughter I had just moments before
Times when tears pour down my face
I recently took out Little Bit's ultrasound. Held it close.
It is the only tangible thing I have of Little Bit.
Over this last month I've been working on coming to terms with moving forward.
It is tough.
There has been so many emotions to work through.
But last Sunday at the alter I really feel like I was able to heal a little...
Then at Monday night prayer someone shared with me that as I hold and protect Ethan is what my heavenly Father does for me. As I love Ethan is how God loves me...I needed that more than anyone knows.
God loves us more than we can imagine...
There are other things that are moving forward but more on that in another blog.
My love to everyone!
If there is something that I could pray for or stand in agreement please message me!
Friday, January 27, 2017
For the last 21 days I've been apart of a fast...
What is a fast?
Glad you asked...
To me personally it means to set aside something that I enjoy. A sacrifice. In place of this thing replace it with prayer and time with God.
I feel it is like an extra "umph" to my prayers and petition with God. Like shooting a flare gun to Heaven...
I am not a scholar and that my friend is the best I way I can explain it in layman's terms.
It's not something to treat lightly...Or to get attention ( Jesus teaches against that in Matthew 6:5)
It's a personal thing between you and God.
At the first of every year of church does this fast together. And we see God move in such a mighty way.
He honors our sacrifices.
But it's been painful too... At least for me.
As I replaced my idol time with time in the Bible and praying there were things in my spirit that were not pleasing to God. Certain things that had to be dealt with
In John 3:30 it says "more of him less of me"
That can hurt. I'm not done by any means... There are several things I'm working through.
It has been so refreshing. Not dealing with the pettiness and self absorbed world of social media.
Let's just say it was perfect timing with the transition of Presidents...
I want more sustenance in my life... And be present for my family.
If you want to know more about fasting this was an interesting post:
Here are some scripture reading:
1 Corinthians 7:5
Luke 4 (Jesus fasting)
Just a tip read these scriptures in context... Read the before and after.
If you have questions or want to know more feel free to contact me
If I can help pray for anything I'm here