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Showing posts from 2014

Not as planned

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I feel almost obligated to apologize to anyone who has prayed, read, or had interest in all the on goings of Aunt LaLa.... 
I had plans, big plans to record everything. Blog about all life's muses about being a new mom, new jobs, moving, family, J and Ethan. But I haven't. 
I guess any mom can relate to when you had your first baby, life changes in so many ways. Ethan has become my life, everything else I finish with the goal of getting back to play and cuddle.
Blogging has not seem that important I guess. Oh but how I love to write! 
Should I continue to blog? Where is Aunt LaLa going? Does Aunt LaLa - the name -  fit now? 
My niece and nephews are still so important to me... 
I feel like I've been in a whirlwind!
September - We had Ethan early and went into the hospital October- Ethan came home and we adjusted to having a baby and J started a new job with a completely different schedule and driving time November - our house gained VERY unwelcome guest, had to move sudde…

First time Mom: Exhaustion

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I have been around babies and taking care of them from a very young age but there is just something different when it is your own. There is no "off day", no ending to the shift. 
When we came home from the hospital I was so excited and glad to just have my baby at home. So we were now on our own... no nurses and no doctors. Just my boy and I. J had to come pick us up and then return to work unfortunately. So Ethan and I were on our own... it was the best feeling ever. 
I was asked if I wanted anyone with me, or was I nervous... the answer to both was no. I honestly could not wait to get by myself with my new little boy. 
I knew that there would be sleepless nights. I knew that I was still recovering from surgery. I knew that Josh would be at work all day and I would be the main care taker of Ethan. Oh and do not forget hormones. 
Even though I knew that, I gained a whole different understanding of exhaustion. And I gained a whole new respect of my body. 
There was one night …

So many emotions

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I have to remind myself that it is OK to feel what I feel... I've been told to give myself permission to just feel the way I do. There is no wrong or right...

I just re-read the blog from last year at the second balloon release for Hope and the other angel babies. My heart feels so overwhelmed with so many emotions.

Tomorrow is my birthday... I will be 29. I'm sitting right next to a miracle. A real, tangible, breathing miracle.

Ethan was not expected to have ever be... then when he was born it was almost as if we were going to lose him before we get to hold him...

I do not think I could ever explain the range of emotions I felt the 18 days he was in the hospital. The exhaustion I felt... the anger, hurt, sadness, grief, and absolute joy of being a mother to this beautiful creation!

Sometimes we are hardest critics... we compare ourselves to other people or to something that is intangible. Talking to a friend today I was reminded that we have such pre-notions of what we "…

Introducing...

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Ethan Alexander 9/15/2014 10 lbs. 10 oz




I know you probably thought I have fell off the face of the earth but actually I was just baking a baby and actually having him! He was born on the 15th of September at 37 weeks. From birth he had several problems and we have been in the NICU for almost 3 weeks. 
I have so much I need to write.. but tonight I shall enjoy having my baby home for the first time. 
I'm completely in love with my little boy! The Lord be praised for him and healing his body!!

First Time Mom: Sending an SOS

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So we are just passed 30 weeks heading to 31 weeks!
I cannot believe how fast all of this is flying by. It is getting closer to D-day :)
None of the women in my family have made it to 40 weeks. Only to about 37 or 38 weeks. So from ALL the information I read (Which for this over analyzing person is two books, online classes, and many articles) genetics play a big part of all  things delivery. Or I could be the odd gene out and go over 40 weeks (please NO!) ... My guess is the little mister will be here in September.
Ethan is measuring a little on the bigger side. His belly is in the 68th percentile! He will be long as well. So... yeah I'm good for 37 weeks :)
So, since this is my first time delivering a baby. There are so many options and opinions. As previously stated I've read and read. But I really want to go in informed and know what basic things to expect. I know that there is no way to know exactly what will happen.
I found several examples of birth plans, and wow! All …

Beloved

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That is our Ethan! Oh my heart! He is weighing 3.1 lbs, looks great! So does mommy! Just please keep praying for us.

Love  Aunt LaLa

I am DETERMINED

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I am determined to be a good mother... like my mom

I have always dreamed about being a mommy. I mommied my cousins, my younger brother (still do sometimes), even my older sister. I was the one who reminded everyone of the rules, comforted them when they were in trouble or sad.

I want to just point out as I get older and I am entering this new season I am appretiating my mother more than I ever have.

When I got married and was learning to be a wife, I got a new perspective looking at my mom.

Now with Ethan coming... there is a drive inside of me that says "Protect that baby"

Growing up my mom would say frequently how she loved being a mom. That she loved her kids.

 I can remember when Susan Smith murdered her children in the 1990s. I can still see in my mind the news program when she begged the "person" who had them to bring the home. Then I remember the day when the news came that she had actually drowned her children. My mothers face was mortified then it turned t…

I'm sorry, WHAT?!

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First off, I know that almost every post (OK all of them) is about Baby Ethan... but I can't really say I'm sorry.

I had so many plans and wants about this blog. I really did. I also thought I would have cute little updates and write all this great stuff now that I'm not in school.

But seriously, time has RACED by... and I'm left here dumbfounded that I'm now officially in my third trimester (28 weeks today)! How did that even happen?

Ethan is our miracle people. I will continue to brag and glorify God! Because we are having a son! God has stepped in so many times to comfort, give strength, and even intervene. He has protected and preserved the life of our baby boy. Whom we are already in-love with! Seriously I spend probably almost an hour everyday watching my stomach move from kicks.

This is definitely a new season for me. There are so many transitions that I have faced this year.

First I'm no longer a student. I want desperately to return to get my masters b…

First Time Mom: Resolution

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Excuse the dust around here... excuse me while I tear down the cob webs....
There we go :)
What a crazy time! From wedding showers, babies, weddings, baby showers... whew now it feels like it is crunch time for baby Ethan!
We are 26 weeks today!! That's only 14 weeks until due date! 
What!? Oh my goodness... 
What a whirlwind this season has been, so many decisions and choices to think and pray about. 
The main thing that has been going on which is why it has been so quiet around here - there has been an enormous amount of stress with this pregnancy. 
When we first found out we were pregnant my A1C (in short is my overall glucose average) was a 10.?  which normal I believe is around 5.5 - 6. So I was sent to a high risk Dr. Everything was going fine, there were some issues that I chose to ignore and shrug off because I really thought it maybe me just being sensitive. 
Then in May I was treated disrespectfully, we tried to resolve this issue but was met with an attitude of aroganc…

We are having a...

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We will be welcoming a baby boy in October! We are so excited! 
Here is our announcement we recorded the day we found out...




This is our family finding out...



Here is the name we picked... 
We are so excited about our little Ethan! Our little miracle!! 
God is so good and faithful! Can't wait to meet our little guy! 
Love,  Ethan's mommy

Is it a Boy or a girl?

As your reading this I am at the doctors waiting to be seen to find out if our little one is a boy or girl!

I am amazed that we are at this point already! We will be at the half way mark on Monday - 20 weeks!!

I will be posting the gender on my facebook personal and blog page on Saturday evening.

This is a joyous day to celebrate a miracle. God has blessed us with a miracle... you do realize that?


Even on this joyous day, my heart aches. Two years ago today we lost a baby we were not even aware of we had, Hope. My heart bleeds for those who still are in trenches of infertility. My heart bleeds for our loss...

Yet , I weep at the love and grace of God. Who would have ever imagined two years ago that I would be feeling the anticipation of seeing my little one in my womb? Not me. Not Josh.

I sit here crying over our loss and our blessing! Talk about conflicting emotions.

Losing Hope was the darkest place I have ever walked. The deepest pain I have ever felt...

Yet as I faced this time la…

Its Over

It is true...  When you read this I will be getting ready to walk across the stage with my diploma.

There are so many things changing this year.  Roles in my life that are ending and ones that are beginning.

Not to mention all my emotions about Mothers Day.

I have been a college student since 2005. August 19,2005 to be exact.  I have cried,  stressed,  studied,  accrued debt,  laughed, made great friends...  That is all coming to an end.  I'm in shock I have no book to study,  no paper to write,  no professor to complain about...  Through all the tough times,  honestly,  I'm going to miss it.  Terribly.

In just a few months I will be holding our precious little baby.  What a wonderful new, scary, overwhelming, it is a miracle role.

Add that to the overwhelming joy and still some grief in my heart,  emotions all over the place feelings I have about Mother's Day... And whew you have yourself a pretty emotional pregnant lady.

There is so much I want to write but alas I m…

Close to My Heart

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This week is Infertility Awareness Week. If you have been hanging around Aunt LaLa for a while you know infertility is a big part of my life. Our story has been a long one, but does not compare to some of the heart ache that couples have suffered. And are still suffering. 
Struggling with infertility was the hardest things I've been through. I've lost a sweet angel. Now I'm gaining a miracle. Even though I'm finally expecting, it is still so fresh in my mind of the pain and heart ache we went through. 
We have been trying to get pregnant for four years. Never in my dreams did I think I would travel down this road or know how hard it would be. I've cried buckets and buckets through this journey! 
As a woman you struggle through so many emotions. You feel inadequate, that something is wrong with you, worthless, useless, guilt, and most of all your heart is broken. These are feelings that come and go. Sometimes are more over whelming than other times. 

Things that re…

Am I a Safe Place?

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I was struggling with some doubts and fears. It started so innocently just as casual as opening a little door to my heart.
Then as the weeks progressed and I kept the fears and thoughts to my self, the bigger and harder to handle they became.
One particular day I was trying to just read my devotional and it was like a tidal wave of attack came upon my mind.
I believe that we fight an invisible war, sometimes we see the outcomes of this war and sometimes we may not know what we were just protected from or praying against.
 Scripture tells us 12 For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12) 10 The thief (satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10) As I was fighting this battle in my mind, I cried out to God. To give …

First-Time Mom: Pregnancy, what they didn't tell me

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I have a little miracle inside of me, a little precious baby that will have a perfect mix of J and I.... I cannot wait to hug our child and to kiss its sweet little face! My heart was bursting at seeing our child's profile and seeing their mouth opening and closing. Oh my heart!!

In saying that, this post may be TMI, just warning you. It may be embarrassing but...

I was "warned" you could say. Women told me there would be exhaustion, nauseousness, hormones...

And I listened. But I guess I cannot blame them for not being able to put into words the extreme side of these things.

Hormones- They said you are emotional, you sometimes want to just punch your hubby, then there are sometimes that all you want to do is be hugged and held. I have never felt so crazy...ever. I remember being told that it is like PMS but worse. Worse? It is so crazy that I would not even compare it with PMS! WOWZER!

It felt like I was on a roller coaster! A fast, twisty, upside down coaster... There …

13 Weeks and going STRONG!

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So... even though I'm not extremely showing I want to document every bit of this experience! I LOVE being pregnant! (PS. Don't get excited I only used blue font on the picture because it shows up really well... we STILL don't know the sex yet.)




Do you not just LOVE that little arm! It waved and waved at us at the ultrasound! We even got to see Baby open and closing it's mouth. I've never been so amazed. What a beautiful life that is growing in me. God is so amazing! And faithful, and I'm so so so thankful!  I'm in my second trimester. Baby L is doing really well. Measuring on target. Actually it is measuring 3 days ahead. 
The first trimester was a roller coaster.. and to be honest this weeks has not been any different. More about that in the next post.
J and I are so excited and can hardly talk about anything else. Our little miracle is growing and growing! 
I'm loving my bump! I love looking pregnant! Even though my body seriously is a transformer, I …

We got winners!!

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Congrats to Jenni and Samone! 

These lucky ladies won a Happy Wives Club Book!

Thanks for entering everyone!
Working on a post with all the update of Baby L! We are 12 weeks and going to the Dr. Thursday! New pictures!! 
I'm showing my baby bump too! Heehee! So excited!
Have to brag on my husband just a minute. He has been so incredibly supportive through this whole process. He has dealt with his own insecurities and fears just like I have, yet he has been my rock. He has been understanding. Husbands, you being there just listening or offering a hug or a kiss on the forehead goes such a long way. Even better, take initiative. When you see stuff piling up around the house chip in and help. I love you J!! 
Have a great Wednesday!
Love,  Aunt LaLa

5QF - on Saturday... oops

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I used to do Five Question Friday every week! Loved it! Then I got busy.. then the host took a little break from it... but this week it is back! I loved the questions... so...




1. If I had 5 minutes alone with Mother Nature I would tell her?
PICK A SEASON ALREADY!! Here in E. Tennessee there has been a confusion. It has been hard core winter than awesome spring... back to we are expecting snow... AGAIN. I'm tired of the cold! And I've always loved Winter! But enough. I'm ready for Spring! 
2. If you could eat only one thing for a whole week what would it be? Wow, one week? That's all. Hmmm. Well it would have to be filling. Because when I'm hungry it is not a pretty sight! I would say a cheese and carb mix. Maybe a casserole of some kind. That would do me. I hope.

3. What is your favorite season and why?
Spring... everything comes alive. I feel so happy during the Spring! I love it. It is not too hot or too cold... Its just perfect. Even thought I have allergies, it is m…

Who is a Happy Wife?

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Hi everyone! 
It is not a shock or new news that I'm a huge fan and contributor over at Happy Wives Club. 
So I am giving you another chance to win Fawn's book! This book is amazing! I love the insight. And it is so encouraging. 
It is so important to our happiness and a society as a whole to work on our marraiges! 
Here are some links of Fawn going world wide to promote her book! 
Here is an interview with Fawn and Keith (her husband)
Essence - Fawn and Keith
Here is a interview Fawn did with Good Day Atlanta (my hometown)
 Good Day Atlanta - Fawn Weaver
Now time for the giveaway! I'm giving away to books this time so come on win a book! 


a Rafflecopter giveaway
Love, Aunt LaLa

Week 9 - How we found out

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Baby L at 8 weeks. Was not expecting another ultrasound. Was so excited to hear that heart beat again! 176 BPM! Strong baby!

We are 9 weeks today and Baby L graduated to a Fetus today! Baby L is a size of a grape.
Before your pregnant you hear all kinds of stories and advice. 
I'm only about 4 weeks away from the second trimester and honestly I cannot wait! 
The dangers go drastically down in the second trimester and that is really what I get mainly worried and upset about. 

I have not really felt like sharing, I guess not knowing where to even start. In early January I was feeling awful. I was so emotional. I knew something was wrong with me. Honestly I was so worried. My anxiety was crazy, I was overwhelmed. All I could do was sleep. I did not know what was going on. I noticed some changes in my body. I actually made an appointment to talk with someone, that is how worried I was.  Well in December I was late, and purchases a cheap pregnancy test. Took it and it was negative. …

It's just been us

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Going into new ground during this season. Josh and I have been a Family of Two for over 6 years now. Adding a little bundle of joy has been a dream of ours for so long, and we are so thrilled.. of course that shocks you? :)
After all this is sinking in we are entering a territory we know nothing about! 
We will be a family of three in October. That is daunting. Josh and I love each other and are passionate about our marriage.
We both have talked about what our marriage will look like after the baby. 
I'm so thankful because I have so much family and friends that care and love us, I know we won't be alone in this journey!

To those who have a healthy marriage any advice for this new mom to be or maybe a book you recommend? I'm all about learning and I do realize a book cannot teach me everything but it could help! :)

Please positive comments only, this pregnant lady is very sensitive and emotional! 
Love,  Aunt LaLa

Seasons of Change

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Mom took this pic of me last Friday! Those squiggly lines are the babies heartbeat! 
Oh it is the most wonderful sound I have ever heard! 
I'll never forget that moment of when I heard the heart beat and seen tears pouring down Josh's face. 
We have been so heartbroken at times and discouraged. All through everything Josh has been my rock. 
All through January when I thought I was losing my mind he was there helping me through it. To see one of his dreams fulfilled as he heard his babies heartbeat for the first time is a moment I'll treasure. 
There will be so much change in our lives this year. I graduate in May and then... our baby will be here in the Fall. Cousin getting married. New nephew being born. 
Such happy times ahead!! 
But I have to add this in... it is on my heart. When I announced our pregnancy on here I could not help to think of all the other women who were reading that post feeling forgotten or maybe jealous. I know I have felt that way sooo many times. …

One plus One equals three

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How do I even tell you that ...

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!

OK that was easy!! 
Yesterday was the best day of my life this far. We got to hear the heartbeat of our little baby. I can't even describe the emotions we felt as tears poured down our face listening to the sweetest sound I have ever known.

God has given us a miracle. We are pregnant without any help of drugs, fertility treatments. Do you realize how amazing that is?

God has heard our cries...our family and friends prayers!

He loves us oh how he loves us!!

Valentine's Day 2014, was the best day of our lives. I know there are many more to come.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday! Without further ado everyone meet baby Lawson!


Who is the Happy Winner?

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Sorry for my absents and delay in telling you who won the giveaway so without further ado

Barbara K you are the winner!!
Congrats to you Barbara! I'll be sending you a message shortly!! Look forward to another giveaway next week!! So if you want another chance or missed this one.
Look forward to an very important post Friday evening sometime! ITS BIG!! PROMISE!!
Here is something I want to share with you
That's right! On May 10th I will be graduating with my Bachelor of Arts! 
I'm so excited!! To God be all the Glory!  
So emotional! 
Love,  Aunt LaLa