Starting last Monday this week was a complete roller coaster. Not sure if I could ever explain to anyone how painful it has been. I've struggled with if I should write about my experience. To write about something so close to you can make you seem so vulnerable. Writing has always helped me. I've kept a journal since I was nine. I've always been very analytical with my feelings and things going on around me. Which is why I have a journal, a prayer journal, and a blog :) Crazy, I know. I usually don't have much time to write in any of them, but the blog. I wonder how many women suffer silently because of what this one even does to us emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I don't want to suffer alone. I needed to know that what I'm feeling is normal. Even though people can be very sympathetic, some seem like it is no big deal. It was a big deal. And every second with the Lords help I'm making it. Last Monday night I had a miscarriage. Even as I type ...
"Do you ever feel like you are living Groundhog day?" This was the question Josh asked me this morning. My response was yes! :) Josh and I were talking last night about when was the last time we had actually just went away for the weekend. Not going to visit, not holidays... but just he and I. Just to unwind.. It has been a year. I know some couples hardly go away for anything but up until last year Josh and I went on small trips just to wind down. We would go off on Saturdays with no plans but to just spend time together. We went spent some time together in August. It was our vacation at home. It was wonderful but just wasn't the same not being able to actually go anywhere. Last year we went for a weekend in February and then spend some time with Friends in April. Then May was just heartbreaking and incredibily stressful. There has been so many events, stress, and a thousand other things... But this year we are going to get back in this groove. Starting this ...
One year ago today a new season in my life was manifested. One year ago this morning around 2am we lost our precious baby. Hope would be around 4 months right now had she been meant to stay on this earth. Even though my heart is broken I feel Gods presence with me today, so strong. Through many talks and prayers with my God, I made it through these last few days without being devastated. Through my obiedance I believe God gave more healing to my heart. Sunday morning was extremely difficult. But I received so much support. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. My sweet friends and family held me hand, rubbed my back, gave me hugs as I stood for the first time as a mom on the stage with the rest of the moms. I can not even begin to describe how much they helped. I know without their support and God's supernatural strength I wouldn't have made it through. As I left service I felt a little lighter, a little bit of that dark grief left. Last night was our women...
So praying. .... so happy. ....
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