Thursday, November 19, 2015

I am the mom not you

Through out my life there have been many times where unsolicited advice has been overwhelming, frustrating,and hurtful.

There has been three times that it was all the three above.

1. When I got married
2. When I had a miscarriage
3. When I had Ethan

A few months ago I asked mothers to send me things that pertained to mothering their children.

Some responses were heartbreaking and made me mad to be honest. Some were your typical insensitive things that people say.

I started writing this post to give examples, but I could not continue because honestly I was getting too angry. Some of the moms I have talked to have really suffered in silence by what some others have called "help" or just saying their opinions because they "care". My heart hurts so bad for these women. 

I am a pretty bold person. I have had my moments where I have had to kindly put some one in their place. I also have had to be firm. Mothers need to feel empowered! These are our babies! Whether our children are born from the heart or the womb they are ours. 

So instead I am going to give my advice on how to handle these situations where you are feeling judged as a parent.

I'm not encouraging you to get rude or hateful because that does not solve anything, but, I am encouraging boldness. 

One: Understand that this is your child. You have every right as the parent to choose what you feel is best. Feel empowered as their mother. They are your responsibility not some one else’s. Your there when they are sick or not sleeping at night. Not the "Know-it-alls"

Two: Get rid of negativie/judgemental comments and/or people. I know sometimes these people are our family. But the truth is if they would like to be apart of you and your child's life they need to respect your choices. That goes for friends too. Especially on Facebook. Good grief people have some nerve when they are behind a keyboard. If they are not kind, helpful, or they are not making a positive impact in your life then I have found these steps helpful on dealing with Facebook:
  1. First delete offensive comment if it is hurtful or insulting. 
  2. Write a private message explaining that you do not appreciate the comment and that you really appreciate only positive  and encouraging comments not those that question my parenting. 
  3. If it happens again write this person and tell them how they made you feel and then warn them next you will have to remove them from Facebook.
  4. Next time... click the unfriend button.
When you are dealing with people face to face is more difficult because usually they are the ones that hurt most. Unfortunately it can be those closest to us.
  1.  Immediately or shortly after a comment or conversation happens that is offensive about your parenting simply tell this person "I am glad that worked for you, but I feel like this is a better fit for us" or "I feel this is the right things for our family" 
  2. If it happens again be a little firmer, "I know your trying to help, but I would really appreciate if you would respect my choices" 
  3. If these previous steps do not work and the person is not hearing you then I go to my short and to the point answer "My kid, my choice"  and I have had to repeat this statement a few times and sometimes to the same person (Smile) 
  4. If you continue to be disrespected or questioned, there is no change...then I would suggest limiting your time with this person or maybe start re-evaluating if you need this person to be apart of your life. 
Not everyone is going to like or approve of our choices but they are not the parents. We are. I hope I am not coming across mean, but I think we have too much negative in life without other poeple judging the others parenting. You may let one person have several chances to change but that is up to you and your family and is definitely  per situation.

Unless the child is neglected or being abused than we need to be accepting and LOVE each other. I know several mom's that I probably would not make the same choices they have but I love them and I KNOW they love their children. 

If your still reading this book (smile) know that I encourage you to surround your self with encouraging people, and maybe find a seasoned parent that will help you if you have a question without judgement. It is OKAY to ask questions! 

Also, know your facts. Make sure you are educated in what choices you make. Do the best you can. Our children deserve it. 

There may be a part two to this... I do not know. We will see! 

Signed a formula feeding, disposable diaper using, store bought baby food feeding, co-sleeping, vaccinating, non-crying it out, loving, awesome momma!

Monday, November 2, 2015

It was not supposed to be this way

I am one of the 15% of women that has been diagnosed with postpartum depression.

Over the last few years there have been  some very hard seasons of life.

One of those hard seasons was infertility which was a hot topic here on the blog.

We lost our baby, Hope.

After four years of trying to get pregnant it happened! We conceived without any help of medicine... our miracle baby.

The pregnancy was pretty uneventful. Worked hard on keeping my sugar levels down.

I just thought finally, I get my hearts desire. Ethan had been growing very fast. At my 36 week ultrasound they were saying he was close to 11lbs. On September 14th in the evening Ethan wasn't moving much. It had me very  worried. The next morning I was scheduled to be checked again because of his rapid growth. At the ultrasound Ethan was not moving but his heartbeat was strong. Long story short emergency cesarean, Ethan went to NICU for 3 weeks. I did not get to hold him until he was a week old. I had to leave him every night. I felt so robbed, this was not supposed to happen this way.

Fist time I held Ethan
Hands down the most awful time in my life.

After Ethan was 8 weeks old I returned to work. It was so difficult. We had just finished moving unexpectedly. One of my dear friend passed away right before Ethan was born, it was just starting to settle in.

I started having anxiety attacks, I was not happy. I was only happy with Ethan. I felt so down. I could not function in my job adequately. I really only had energy to take care of Ethan and that was all I could handle.

When Ethan was born I had stopped counseling with my therapist simply because there was so much going on I was not able to find a good time.

After talking to Josh we decided I needed to talk to my Doctor and contact my therapist.

After talking to my doctor and therapist I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression.

I was so frustrated with myself. When you become a mom its like as a women you put so much pressure on yourself.

Honestly I felt like a failure.

It was decided it was best for me to take some time off work and concentrate on getting better and be a good mommy to E. (Just a side note I was also put on two different medications to combat this)

After a few therapy sessions and much prayer I started to get stronger. I realized I do not have to explain myself if I cannot, I do not have to be super women. My job was only to be the best mommy I could be, by working on myself I was doing that. I learned to be kind to myself. I had went through something traumatic, it was okay to feel the way I felt.

I have not really shared my struggle. Or how depressed I was. It has been a very personal time of growth. Emotionally and spiritually.

But I am not ashamed or embarrassed. God has used these trails to further my testimony and hopefully help someone else.

God is faithful, I have never felt more strong and free from the past then I do now.
On my 30th birthday 
Listen, do not let the enemy keep you isolated. You are not alone. Even if your dealing with depression or not be ashamed. Talk to some one. Don't fight it alone.

Sorry this post is so long, but I wanted to share my story.

And continue to keep things real. As always I'm here if you need prayer or to talk. Shoot me an email auntlala25 at Gmail.

For more information on postpartum depression go to