I am the mom not you
Through out my life there have been many times where unsolicited advice has been overwhelming, frustrating,and hurtful.
There has been three times that it was all the three above.
1. When I got married
2. When I had a miscarriage
3. When I had Ethan
A few months ago I asked mothers to send me things that pertained to mothering their children.
Some responses were heartbreaking and made me mad to be honest. Some were your typical insensitive things that people say.
I started writing this post to give examples, but I could not continue because honestly I was getting too angry. Some of the moms I have talked to have really suffered in silence by what some others have called "help" or just saying their opinions because they "care". My heart hurts so bad for these women.
I am a pretty bold person. I have had my moments where I have had to kindly put some one in their place. I also have had to be firm. Mothers need to feel empowered! These are our babies! Whether our children are born from the heart or the womb they are ours.
So instead I am going to give my advice on how to handle these situations where you are feeling judged as a parent.
I'm not encouraging you to get rude or hateful because that does not solve anything, but, I am encouraging boldness.
One: Understand that this is your child. You have every right as the parent to choose what you feel is best. Feel empowered as their mother. They are your responsibility not some one else’s. Your there when they are sick or not sleeping at night. Not the "Know-it-alls"
Two: Get rid of negativie/judgemental comments and/or people. I know sometimes these people are our family. But the truth is if they would like to be apart of you and your child's life they need to respect your choices. That goes for friends too. Especially on Facebook. Good grief people have some nerve when they are behind a keyboard. If they are not kind, helpful, or they are not making a positive impact in your life then I have found these steps helpful on dealing with Facebook:
- First delete offensive comment if it is hurtful or insulting.
- Write a private message explaining that you do not appreciate the comment and that you really appreciate only positive and encouraging comments not those that question my parenting.
- If it happens again write this person and tell them how they made you feel and then warn them next you will have to remove them from Facebook.
- Next time... click the unfriend button.
When you are dealing with people face to face is more difficult because usually they are the ones that hurt most. Unfortunately it can be those closest to us.
- Immediately or shortly after a comment or conversation happens that is offensive about your parenting simply tell this person "I am glad that worked for you, but I feel like this is a better fit for us" or "I feel this is the right things for our family"
- If it happens again be a little firmer, "I know your trying to help, but I would really appreciate if you would respect my choices"
- If these previous steps do not work and the person is not hearing you then I go to my short and to the point answer "My kid, my choice" and I have had to repeat this statement a few times and sometimes to the same person (Smile)
- If you continue to be disrespected or questioned, there is no change...then I would suggest limiting your time with this person or maybe start re-evaluating if you need this person to be apart of your life.
Not everyone is going to like or approve of our choices but they are not the parents. We are. I hope I am not coming across mean, but I think we have too much negative in life without other poeple judging the others parenting. You may let one person have several chances to change but that is up to you and your family and is definitely per situation.
Unless the child is neglected or being abused than we need to be accepting and LOVE each other. I know several mom's that I probably would not make the same choices they have but I love them and I KNOW they love their children.
If your still reading this book (smile) know that I encourage you to surround your self with encouraging people, and maybe find a seasoned parent that will help you if you have a question without judgement. It is OKAY to ask questions!
Also, know your facts. Make sure you are educated in what choices you make. Do the best you can. Our children deserve it.
There may be a part two to this... I do not know. We will see!
Signed a formula feeding, disposable diaper using, store bought baby food feeding, co-sleeping, vaccinating, non-crying it out, loving, awesome momma!