Aunt LaLa

Look at this beautiful face. She is a miracle. This is the only time you will find her still- while she is asleep.  And she is a handful. Smile.  She is full of spunk and energy, she is so smart. She has has been going to sleep with this cute ABC book pop-up book. These past few weeks, her and I have been battling. She is headed toward the three year old mark, and frankly I feel like on some days she could be THE poster child for a text book "Threenager" When I say there has been more than one moment I've been brought to tears, I am being honest.  In fact just last week I sent Josh a text from the living room while he works in our bedroom... (while Esther was screaming like a wounded animal)  "She has defeated me" with a cute little white flag. Made a funny post about it on Facebook.  But in all honestly, I thought.... "Lord, help me. What am I going to do?" I remember going through a tough time with Ethan, but he was much different. Things that have a...

I am so overcome with emotion! Like that bubbly feeling you feel and your just not sure what to do with your self? Through much prayer I accepted a role at my local church as the Children's Pastor. I’ve always loved children, and am looking forward to all that God is going to do through our ministry team! One of the main and most important job is teach these children about JESUS. Jesus died for you and for me. So that we may receive forgiveness of our sin through Jesus Christ, so that we can spend eternity with God. We are about Jesus and God’s truth in our house. E has asked many questions and we have many discussions about Jesus. I was teaching a couple weeks ago (July 10, 2019), and it E was the only one in my class at the time. We started talking about how God can change a situation that does not look that great, if we allow the Holy Spirit to help us to see things differently. I told him that Jesus saved us from our sins so that we co...

Whew!! That was ROUGH! Our sweet girl is about to be nine months (insert momma crying hysterically)... Literally the day she turned six months it felt like the sun came out and the fog moved away. Like taking a breath of fresh air. Like a days and days of cold, cold rain. Then you wake up because the SUN is shining in your face, the clouds moved on. My FOG was gone!! You know I have heard so many times that each pregnancy is different. And it was. I've been told each delivery is different. And it was. But for whatever reason I never thought about postpartum being different. I prepared myself mentally and emotionally (I wrote about my postpartum depression  HERE ). I talked to my Dr. about it. I was READY! Well... I WAS NOT ready (Face ---> Palm) Josh and I talked about warning signs and what our plan was. We talked about how we were going to transition in our relationship and how we were going to handle Ethan's jealous...

Grace. Such a small word to hold so much weight. And God has been showing me different ways to extend grace to those around me. Growing up I felt I had to be perfect, never wanting to disappoint my Heavenly father or my earthly one as well. No one really ever said "Lauren, be perfect"...yet somehow I spent years of my life (and still occasionally) fight for perfection. I can extend love and understanding to others. I always try to see from the others perspective, because we each perceive every situation in our own way. But to those we love most and are the closest to us...oh those are the ones that test us. You want so bad for them to do better. For their life to be full of good, Godly things. Maybe I am alone in this, but I am tested most by this area. You see, my expectations for myself are SO HIGH, I have a hard time excepting failure. Broken promises. Mistakes. It is exhausting. I am much better than I was, but I am a work in p...

When I sit down to write, it is impossible for me to write something that is of quality if it is NOT what is on my mind/heart.  So, I really want to start writing again. It is therapeutic for me to get it out. I think I have stopped myself from writing because what I want to say sometimes is not edifying and just frustrating.  Our society, our culture, everywhere feels like it is so hostile.  I have seen in the last couple years people leave friends behind, family get bitter with one another.  Hate and anger fuel mean and hurtful words.  What is even more frustrating is that its most over some sort of social media platform.  What are we allowing the media and these platforms to do? I get it. Your passionate.  I read a "rant" from a person. And it hurt my heart. It was full of anger, and slamming others for what they felt in their hearts was the right thing.  At the same time I've seen this same person lectu...

(I started writing this a couple weeks ago, today was a good day 😘😘) Sittin here right now holding my girl. It's almost midnight... And today was a hard day. I know that if your a mom, you know what kind of day I'm talking about. My four year old has been so clingy. (Yes, I know he won't always be that way) if you have never had a child literally cling to you ALL DAY... Then let me just tell you... It's exhausting. At the same time I have an almost four month old who depends on me for everything. Today was just one of those days. To be completely honest, I've been cranky. Short tempered. I have always wanted to be a mom. I mothered everyone when I was a child (sorry cousins) But listen, mothering is hard. Being a stay at home mom is so hard. Being a working mom is so hard. Sometimes it's lonely. Being a dad is hard. Staying at home or working. Being a parent is HARD. oh but those moments when you see your four year old contemplate a choic...

Merry Christmas! I love Christmas ❤️ In honor of CHRISTMAS I'm going to tell my sweet girls birth story Last night I was reminded that a new baby holds so much joy. Hope. Love. A baby reminds me that thousands of years ago my savior was born in Bethlehem. He had a mommy and a daddy that kissed all over his face. Smelled his sweet breathe.  Held him close. That precious baby was going to grow and be the Lord over us all. Oh my heart. So, I was scheduled for cesarean at exactly 38 weeks pregnant. I was scared. Scared of pain. Scared of something going wrong. Scared of the impact on my baby boy being away from me for several days. But, as much as I was grateful for my baby girl, I was DONE being pregnant. So done. This pregnancy was so hard, harder than Ethan's. My emotions, my body were kaput. Four years + my age + life= one tired/hormonal/physically exhausted momma The night before we were to be at the hospital I ate ...

Hello readers  Ugh, I've struggled over here with writing this post.  But, it is really on my heart. And it is because I have unresolved emotions about a couple friendships that I feel I have lost this year.  Unfortunately they are not situations that I can go and tell these individuals. Maybe one day but the situations are difficult and sensitive.  I am not one to harbor feelings, I do not want to go through life with unresolved with offense. My heart was hurt.  My flesh wants to just react. I want to delete connections on social media and delete numbers on my phone. Ignore them like I have felt they ignored me.  But, I can not... well I could.  But I won't. Here is why.  I have been a bad friend at one time or another. I try my best to love like I would want some one to love me, but I know I have failed.  Sometimes, that is one-sided...being a good friend  Every time I get frustrated, ...

What a season of trust that I have been walking through! I know these last few months I have been scarce, with good reason. I'm walking into the last part of my pregnancy. And this pregnancy has brought many trials and struggles that I did not have with my son. However the pregnancy has gone very well, and our new baby is going to be healthy. We are praying and believing that she will be healthier and have a non emergency C-section. I have been healthy, I have had to be on several medications that I was not on previously. I take several insulin injections a day, I am on hypertension medication, and other medicines. This pregnancy started out very emotional and alot of ups and downs. You can read about that here Here I am 34 weeks pregnant as I'm about to publish this post. We are having a sweet little girl... And I cannot wait. She moves all the time and I love it. I've had to rest and trust that she is going to be okay. We have dealt with many stressf...

My heart broke recently when I found out a dear friend passed away. She was in her early fifties. Fifties. This makes me so sad. Her funeral was one of the hardest I've ever been to, and unfortunately I've been to so many. When I was pregnant with E, I lost a dear friend. He was such a character and I enjoyed talking and laughing with him. And now I've lost another friend as a life is growing in me. Life is full of different seasons and one of those seasons is mourning. My heart hurts for her mother and father....and her son who is just twenty. I met my friend V almost nine years ago. Her son was apart of our very first Jr High youth group. She was our biggest fan, supporter, and encourager. She bought us supplies (pens, notepads, notebooks, highlighters, a shelving unit...tons of things to use)  just because she believed in those kids and loved us all. My favorite memory of her, one I will hold close to my heart forever, is when I lost Hope my heart was b...

I turned 32. As I do every year I look forward to my birthday. And I ponder. I think about my life the past year and if I have changed. Am I going into the new year different than the last? Have you noticed that I have an analytical mind? (smile) As I have gotten older, one question in particular has gotten louder in my head... Am I making a difference? If you hang around here you know Jesus is my number one passion. Followed by my husband and sweet little boy. But I am more than just a wife or a mother. I have to check in with myself every now and then to make sure that I'm being Mindful and doing what God has called me to do as my own person. Part of my calling is to be a wife, and a mother, but it is also a call to be in the ministry and to grow the kingdom of God. I want to make a difference. I want to have the kind of Legacy that when people look back on my life after I'm gone that they think "wow, God really showed in her ...

I am one in four. 15 - 20% of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. That is a large number. Since June of 2016 our family has had to endure four miscarriages. One being my own. In my memories on Facebook I seen where I had posted and about the interview with Channel 8 here in East Tennessee. And I shared about the balloon release that we did in 2013. And I remember getting so much healing from both balloon releases that we did in honor of Hope, and all the other angels that we wrote on our balloons for the ones who could not be with us. And since I've had Ethan I have not been able to have a balloon release. The first year that I didn't was because Ethan was just out of the NICU and with the new baby, and being a new mom it was hectic and I was dealing with postpartum. Then the next year I was enjoying being a mom and honestly did not want to spend my birthday or my birthday month grieving.  Not that Hope was ever forgotten or...

In a post I mentioned that J and I had resigned as Jr High Youth leaders. It was not a quick decision. We have loved serving as Jr High Youth Leaders, and have watched several groups move on and now are in college. We started the Jr High group in August of 2010. I have to admit that first group holds a special place in our hearts. About a year and half ago J and I both felt God pushing us to something else. We did not feel it was right to leave the Jr High yet, but we felt there was a change coming. Last year we started helping teach the Sr High and Jr High together. It was a great learning experience. And we LOVE our kids at HCF. (Our church) Then a few months ago, we started feel that pull again, except this time we felt free to resign. We had not talked with anyone else except for our close friends to help us pray. Now, we felt released but had no where to go really... there are several areas that we volunteer anyway. But for our main ministry outlet we did know wh...