Never Forgotten

I am one in four. 15 - 20% of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage.

That is a large number.

Since June of 2016 our family has had to endure four miscarriages. One being my own.

In my memories on Facebook I seen

where I had posted and about the interview with Channel 8 here in East Tennessee. And I shared about the balloon release that we did in 2013.

And I remember getting so much healing from both balloon releases that we did in honor of Hope, and all the other angels that we wrote on our balloons for the ones who could not be with us.

And since I've had Ethan I have not been able to have a balloon release.

The first year that I didn't was because Ethan was just out of the NICU and with the new baby, and being a new mom it was hectic and I was dealing with postpartum.

Then the next year I was enjoying being a mom and honestly did not want to spend my birthday or my birthday month grieving. 

Not that Hope was ever forgotten or we always feel something is missing in our family, but it just seems like we had moved forward. And I was happy to move forward since I had spent so much time and grief.

Then in 2016 I was celebrating with my family because I was pregnant, and I was excited and elated that we were going to be welcoming another child into our family. Little did I know that as I was celebrating that are little bit had already went to heaven.

That our precious baby was not going to be born the way we thought, the dreams that we had already dreamt for Little Bit were not going to happen, and I was about to embark on the hardest year of my life.

Now that it's a year later and I have spent a year grieving and have been dealing with all sorts of things in my personal life, I feel like I am finally moving forward. It's almost as I have moved to the acceptance part of our grief.

And trying to live in the now.

When grief comes it can overtake your life and it's hard and it's rough. And even though I know the statistics and I know personally people who have suffered miscarriages it is a very lonely Journey.

It is hard to share my heart about Little Bit. I don't understand why it's been so hard for me to share, when I lost hope it was part of my healing process.

It just proves that grief is different.

And everyone experiences it differently. I was a different person in 2012 than I am now. And I feel like it has been a harder experience in some ways.

Women everyday suffer alone because they are in grief and they feel like no one understands. And if you're reading this and you suffered loss- miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth- You Are Not Alone.

There are women across this world who want to help and be there and won't try to fix it.

But just to be a listening ear which is exactly what is needed the most when you're in a pit of despair.

I know not everyone shares my faith and not everyone agrees with my thoughts on God and our baby.

But I still must offer you hope. I must tell you the truth that I know, there is a God, and no we don't understand why he allows certain things. I certainly don't pretend to understand. 

However I know when scripture says without him I'm nothing, but with Christ all things are possible. That statement rings true.

Those scriptures are truth. I could have not received the peace and calm and strength unless I had God in my life.

There is a hope in me that I will see my babies again, and when my heart sees our family of 5 but only other see us as a family of three, it gives me peace and it helps me go on to know that I will see them again.

I'm promised eternity and so are my babies. They never have to suffer harm, cry, grief, anger, or despair. They have only experienced the presence of God. And that alone makes my heart Rejoice.

That they know God and I don't have to worry or protect them from any harm.

They only knew my love and God's love.

They felt my love in my womb and in the presence of God. And that has healed my heart.

And I stand with women across the nation and in the world in celebrating October as pregnancy and infant loss Awareness Month.

You are Loved and Remembered our sweet babies: Hope, Little Bit, Ashton, Owen, Angel, Faith, Maddie, Aubrey, Peanut

If you would like me to add your babies name please let me know. ❤❤❤

Xoxo

LaLa