Did not think I would ever write this...

I have a draft that I was working on at the end of January.

I had every intention of filling my blog with with a post at least once a week. I had some drafts put together.
At the end of January, our lives kind of took a crazy turn. One in which I was not expecting. 

(long post ahead...)
Little did we know this crazy turn would be an up and down emotional roller coaster.
I was feeling pretty tired and sensitive, normal for me when getting close to "that" time. 
I was talking to my sister and realized that I was late. About a week late. Which since having Ethan only happened once... When I was pregnant with Little Bit. 
I bought a pack of two, went home. Did the test let it sit, the one line that always shows up quickly showed... So I sat it down. 
Told myself it's not time, it may never be time. That's okay. We can adopt. My normal pep talk I give myself after every negative test. 
I waited the appropriate time, gathered the trash and looked back at the stick ready to throw it…

Are you up for the challenge?

Before I give you the challenge, let me give a back story.

In 1997 there was a twelve year old girl who dreamed of her prince Charming. She had filled her little girl heart full of Disney princes... and their magic. Movie magic.

Fast forward to 1999 she was now almost fourteen and attending a youth conference. They talked about all sorts of topics. The topic that caught her attention was the "Dating with Purpose" concept.

Not every fourteen year old is preoccupied with who God wants them to marry. Or what God has to say about dating. She started writing in a journal to her future husband, after being inspired by a famous Christian artist. And started to pray over him. Whoever he was.

But at that conference she made the choice to not date just anyone. She wanted to guard her heart. To only date someone who had the qualities of the husband she dreamed of. So she made a list, and prayed over it. Furthering her commitment to God and herself, not to kiss or be intimate with anyon…


Eh Hem.
**LaLa pulls out her soap box**

I have only hinted at my political views on maybe one or two post in the last 6 years of blogging.
But, I'm concerned.
Really concerned.
I have opinions, actually I have alot to say about the current events in our country.
On our president. On abortion. On illegal immigrants On all sorts of things.
My family would agree.
As I have grown to an adult, my opinions have changed and went back and forth.
Here is the thing...
My heart is grieved at the attitudes of people around me.
The narrowed views. On EVERYSIDE.
This is to the Christians. The people who are to be loving, accepting, and bold for Christ.
I have been so disappointed in the last few years at the attitudes of my fellow soldiers of Christ.
Mine included.
My heart has been convicted.
Where does it end?
Jesus gave us our mission in the book of Matthew - called the GREAT COMMISSION
Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth.  Therefore, go and make disciples o…


I turned 32.
As I do every year I look forward to my birthday. And I ponder.
I think about my life the past year and if I have changed. Am I going into the new year different than the last?
Have you noticed that I have an analytical mind? (smile)
As I have gotten older, one question in particular has gotten louder in my head...
Am I making a difference?
If you hang around here you know Jesus is my number one passion.
Followed by my husband and sweet little boy.
But I am more than just a wife or a mother.
I have to check in with myself every now and then to make sure that I'm being Mindful and doing what God has called me to do as my own person.
Part of my calling is to be a wife, and a mother, but it is also a call to be in the ministry and to grow the kingdom of God.
I want to make a difference. I want to have the kind of Legacy that when people look back on my life after I'm gone that they think "wow, God really showed in her life"
Like my great-grandmother, anyti…

Death to me.

Death to a precious life I will not meet until Heaven Death to my sense of security Death to what I believed was untouchable Death to my prideful way of thinking Death to a part of me...
I wrote this in my blog "Why Am I Like This?". And wanted to talk a little more about it.
We had a young man share about a loss he experienced with his girlfriend several years ago.
As he was talking my heart was racing and I felt my raw emotions coming up.
In our previous leadership role with the teens we work with we always try to be honest (appropriately) about things  we struggle with. So I did not want to skate over this subject as were talking about something unrelated, but wanted to tie in how it did effect us.
I think one of the biggest impacts that losing Little Bit had was between Josh and I.
I hesitate on sharing this, but Josh does not mind. As he has read and approved what I write when it involves his emotions. If I include him in these post I want to make sure he does not feel…

Never Forgotten

I am one in four. 15 - 20% of all clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage. That is a large number.
Since June of 2016 our family has had to endure four miscarriages. One being my own.
In my memories on Facebook I seen where I had posted and about the interview with Channel 8 here in East Tennessee. And I shared about the balloon release that we did in 2013.

And I remember getting so much healing from both balloon releases that we did in honor of Hope, and all the other angels that we wrote on our balloons for the ones who could not be with us.
And since I've had Ethan I have not been able to have a balloon release.
The first year that I didn't was because Ethan was just out of the NICU and with the new baby, and being a new mom it was hectic and I was dealing with postpartum.
Then the next year I was enjoying being a mom and honestly did not want to spend my birthday or my birthday month grieving. 
Not that Hope was ever forgotten or we always feel something …

Necessary End

In a post I mentioned that J and I had resigned as Jr High Youth leaders.

It was not a quick decision. We have loved serving as Jr High Youth Leaders, and have watched several groups move on and now are in college.

We started the Jr High group in August of 2010. I have to admit that first group holds a special place in our hearts.

About a year and half ago J and I both felt God pushing us to something else. We did not feel it was right to leave the Jr High yet, but we felt there was a change coming.

Last year we started helping teach the Sr High and Jr High together.

It was a great learning experience.

And we LOVE our kids at HCF. (Our church)

Then a few months ago, we started feel that pull again, except this time we felt free to resign.

We had not talked with anyone else except for our close friends to help us pray.

Now, we felt released but had no where to go really... there are several areas that we volunteer anyway. But for our main ministry outlet we did know where God was takin…