Hello readers 
Ugh, I've struggled over here with writing this post. 
But, it is really on my heart. And it is because I have unresolved emotions about a couple friendships that I feel I have lost this year. 
Unfortunately they are not situations that I can go and tell these individuals. Maybe one day but the situations are difficult and sensitive. 
I am not one to harbor feelings, I do not want to go through life with unresolved with offense.
My heart was hurt. 
My flesh wants to just react. I want to delete connections on social media and delete numbers on my phone. Ignore them like I have felt they ignored me. 
But, I can not... well I could. 
But I won't.
Here is why. 
I have been a bad friend at one time or another. I try my best to love like I would want some one to love me, but I know I have failed. 
Sometimes, that is one-sided...being a good friend 
Every time I get frustrated, or I am hurt because these friends are not there in any way for me  I want to lash out. 

Our Rainbow

She is here. 
She arrived in late September weighing just over  seven pounds. 
My sweet little girl is here. 
We have been very tired, busy, and recovering. 
I will write our birth story soon. But until then. 
Here she is. 

Its his breath

What a season of trust that I have been walking through! I know these last few months I have been scarce, with good reason. I'm walking into the last part of my pregnancy. And this pregnancy has brought many trials and struggles that I did not have with my son. However the pregnancy has gone very well, and our new baby is going to be healthy. We are praying and believing that she will be healthier and have a non emergency C-section. I have been healthy, I have had to be on several medications that I was not on previously. I take several insulin injections a day, I am on hypertension medication, and other medicines. This pregnancy started out very emotional and alot of ups and downs. You can read about that here Here I am 34 weeks pregnant as I'm about to publish this post. We are having a sweet little girl... And I cannot wait. She moves all the time and I love it. I've had to rest and trust that she is going to be okay. We have dealt with many stressful life events. …

I am a dinosaur

I am not one of them.

That was my thought as I sat a Panera.

I chuckled to myself thinking it was not that long ago that I was giggly and a little less scared by life.

When you talk to, or watch people alot younger than you, I would imagine this at any age, you take notice in the things that are different.

I know it may sound dramatic...but isn't that what writing is anyway. A little drama goes a long way... it drags the reader in... captivates them by what will happen next.

People watching probably is one of my favorite things to do. At this point I feel like I am more wired this way naturally. '

Noticing what people are doing or not doing...what their body language is tends to register in my mind. I notice small things. Tones. Looks. Subtle reactions.

My intuition is usually on point.

So I notice when things change.

My roll in life has changed.

I am in my early thirties, in my mind I am still the awkward girl who trips over her own feet right in front of the boy she had a cr…

There is a time to mourn...

My heart broke recently when I found out a dear friend passed away.

She was in her early fifties. Fifties. This makes me so sad.

Her funeral was one of the hardest I've ever been to, and unfortunately I've been to so many.

When I was pregnant with E, I lost a dear friend. He was such a character and I enjoyed talking and laughing with him.

And now I've lost another friend as a life is growing in me.

Life is full of different seasons and one of those seasons is mourning.

My heart hurts for her mother and father....and her son who is just twenty.

I met my friend V almost nine years ago. Her son was apart of our very first Jr High youth group. She was our biggest fan, supporter, and encourager.

She bought us supplies (pens, notepads, notebooks, highlighters, a shelving unit...tons of things to use)  just because she believed in those kids and loved us all.

My favorite memory of her, one I will hold close to my heart forever, is when I lost Hope my heart was broken.

We wanted …

Did not think I would ever write this...

I have a draft that I was working on at the end of January.

I had every intention of filling my blog with with a post at least once a week. I had some drafts put together.
At the end of January, our lives kind of took a crazy turn. One in which I was not expecting. 

(long post ahead...)
Little did we know this crazy turn would be an up and down emotional roller coaster.
I was feeling pretty tired and sensitive, normal for me when getting close to "that" time. 
I was talking to my sister and realized that I was late. About a week late. Which since having Ethan only happened once... When I was pregnant with Little Bit. 
I bought a pack of two, went home. Did the test let it sit, the one line that always shows up quickly showed... So I sat it down. 
Told myself it's not time, it may never be time. That's okay. We can adopt. My normal pep talk I give myself after every negative test. 
I waited the appropriate time, gathered the trash and looked back at the stick ready to throw it…

Are you up for the challenge?

Before I give you the challenge, let me give a back story.

In 1997 there was a twelve year old girl who dreamed of her prince Charming. She had filled her little girl heart full of Disney princes... and their magic. Movie magic.

Fast forward to 1999 she was now almost fourteen and attending a youth conference. They talked about all sorts of topics. The topic that caught her attention was the "Dating with Purpose" concept.

Not every fourteen year old is preoccupied with who God wants them to marry. Or what God has to say about dating. She started writing in a journal to her future husband, after being inspired by a famous Christian artist. And started to pray over him. Whoever he was.

But at that conference she made the choice to not date just anyone. She wanted to guard her heart. To only date someone who had the qualities of the husband she dreamed of. So she made a list, and prayed over it. Furthering her commitment to God and herself, not to kiss or be intimate with anyon…