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Hope and Sarah: PAIL Awareness

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I was interviewed in October 2013 by WVLT when I organized a balloon release in memory of our sweet babies and to offer a place of healing for parents, family, and friends. Even though you may not hear that parent talk about their babies they lost, the thought of them is not far from their heart. I'm thankful for the healing God has done in my life and my heart. But I miss my two babies in Heaven terribly. I hold them dear to my heart. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and the 15th is PAIL Day. So, Tuesday October 15th at 6:30pm, Josh and I will release balloons for our two sweet babies. Hope (May 2012) and Sarah (September 2016)

If you are are local, your welcome to join us with your balloon. Or if you would like I will write your baby's name on a balloon to release. You can leave the name in the comments, or private message me.

Know that if you are grieving your sweet baby, you are not alone. And having other children does not diminish your love for your …

I was in AWE

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I am so overcome with emotion! Like that bubbly feeling you feel and your just not sure what to do with your self?

Through much prayer I accepted a role at my local church as the Children's Pastor.
I’ve always loved children, and am looking forward to all that God is going to do through our ministry team!
One of the main and most important job is teach these children about JESUS.
Jesus died for you and for me. So that we may receive forgiveness of our sin through Jesus Christ, so that we can spend eternity with God.
We are about Jesus and God’s truth in our house.
E has asked many questions and we have many discussions about Jesus.
I was teaching a couple weeks ago (July 10, 2019), and it E was the only one in my class at the time.
We started talking about how God can change a situation that does not look that great, if we allow the Holy Spirit to help us to see things differently.
I told him that Jesus saved us from our sins so that we could go to Heaven.
This was …

The Fog

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Whew!! That was ROUGH!
Our sweet girl is about to be nine months (insert momma crying hysterically)...
Literally the day she turned six months it felt like the sun came out and the fog moved away. Like taking a breath of fresh air.
Like a days and days of cold, cold rain. Then you wake up because the SUN is shining in your face, the clouds moved on.
My FOG was gone!!
You know I have heard so many times that each pregnancy is different.
And it was.
I've been told each delivery is different.
And it was.
But for whatever reason I never thought about postpartum being different.
I prepared myself mentally and emotionally (I wrote about my postpartum depression  HERE). I talked to my Dr. about it. I was READY!
Well... I WAS NOT ready (Face ---> Palm)
Josh and I talked about warning signs and what our plan was.
We talked about how we were going to transition in our relationship and how we were going to handle Ethan's jealousy.
Did you know I like control am a planner?
Our deliver…

Learning Grace

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Grace.
Such a small word to hold so much weight.
And God has been showing me different ways to extend grace to those around me.
Growing up I felt I had to be perfect, never wanting to disappoint my Heavenly father or my earthly one as well.
No one really ever said "Lauren, be perfect"...yet somehow I spent years of my life (and still occasionally) fight for perfection.
I can extend love and understanding to others. I always try to see from the others perspective, because we each perceive every situation in our own way.
But to those we love most and are the closest to us...oh those are the ones that test us.
You want so bad for them to do better. For their life to be full of good, Godly things.
Maybe I am alone in this, but I am tested most by this area.
You see, my expectations for myself are SO HIGH, I have a hard time excepting failure. Broken promises. Mistakes.
It is exhausting.
I am much better than I was, but I am a work in progress.
How exhausting would it be to try a…

So Tired of the Anger

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When I sit down to write, it is impossible for me to write something that is of quality if it is NOT what is on my mind/heart. 
So, I really want to start writing again. It is therapeutic for me to get it out.
I think I have stopped myself from writing because what I want to say sometimes is not edifying and just frustrating. 
Our society, our culture, everywhere feels like it is so hostile. 
I have seen in the last couple years people leave friends behind, family get bitter with one another. 
Hate and anger fuel mean and hurtful words. 
What is even more frustrating is that its most over some sort of social media platform. 
What are we allowing the media and these platforms to do?
I get it. Your passionate. 
I read a "rant" from a person. And it hurt my heart. It was full of anger, and slamming others for what they felt in their hearts was the right thing. 
At the same time I've seen this same person lecture about tolerance and love. This person claims to be a Christia…

Give credit where it's due

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(I started writing this a couple weeks ago, today was a good day 😘😘)

Sittin here right now holding my girl. It's almost midnight... And today was a hard day.

I know that if your a mom, you know what kind of day I'm talking about.

My four year old has been so clingy. (Yes, I know he won't always be that way) if you have never had a child literally cling to you ALL DAY... Then let me just tell you... It's exhausting.

At the same time I have an almost four month old who depends on me for everything.

Today was just one of those days.

To be completely honest, I've been cranky. Short tempered.

I have always wanted to be a mom. I mothered everyone when I was a child (sorry cousins)

But listen, mothering is hard. Being a stay at home mom is so hard. Being a working mom is so hard. Sometimes it's lonely.

Being a dad is hard. Staying at home or working.

Being a parent is HARD.

oh but those moments when you see your four year old contemplate a choice, and you can almost…

A Different Kind of Christmas Post

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Merry Christmas!
I love Christmas ❤️
In honor of CHRISTMAS I'm going to tell my sweet girls birth story
Last night I was reminded that a new baby holds so much joy. Hope. Love.
A baby reminds me that thousands of years ago my savior was born in Bethlehem. He had a mommy and a daddy that kissed all over his face. Smelled his sweet breathe. 
Held him close.
That precious baby was going to grow and be the Lord over us all. Oh my heart.
So, I was scheduled for cesarean at exactly 38 weeks pregnant.
I was scared. Scared of pain. Scared of something going wrong.
Scared of the impact on my baby boy being away from me for several days.
But, as much as I was grateful for my baby girl, I was DONE being pregnant. So done.
This pregnancy was so hard, harder than Ethan's.
My emotions, my body were kaput.
Four years + my age + life= one tired/hormonal/physically exhausted momma
The night before we were to be at the hospital I ate my snack before midnight, took my insulin.
We had …