My Grandfather

 

I have this need to write when I am going through things that evoke strong emotions. 

I have so many drafts saved and never published... but this... this will be posted. 

Almost three weeks ago I lost a pillar in my life. He left this world and went to be with Jesus. 

"Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:8

 Grandpa has ALWAYS been there for my family. For all of us. From borrowing his truck, providing a roof over my head several times, to asking me just one more time while he lay in the hospital "You got gas money?" Just days before he passed.

Today was a hard day.

Words can not express my grief over losing my grandpa. Or the heartbreak I feel for my grandmother. They were married just shy of 63 years. She will tell you their marriage had many tough seasons, but they had many wonderful years. They fought for each other. They loved each other so much. 

We are all trying to navigate life with out him, but we are not experiencing the loss she is. 

I called out to the Lord today, and begged for comfort. 

He gave it. I felt his peace. 

I have felt grief... but nothing like this. 

I have great parents and have been blessed with a second set of parents, my grandma and grandpa. 

My Grandpa, was full of stories and advice. Their home was always my safe landing place. Waiting with open arms and love. No matter what... LOVE. 

Grandpa took care of me. At 38, I was still his princess. 

I caught on video him telling me he loved me and called me Princess. He affectionately called my cousin and I his princesses. 

He was a firm guy, always tougher on the boys. Stop running. No wrestling. 

But they each knew how much he loved them. 

Grandpa had his own connection with all of us. His own relationship. He made sure he gave each of us attention and found a common ground. Not just with his grandchildren, but with his great grandchildren. 

He adored my children. So proud of them. He did not miss an opportunity to tell Josh and I how proud of us he was and how we are raising our children. 

Grandpa loved to tell anyone who would listen about the miracles of his family. We had so many. He loved the Lord. And I know that I will see him in Heaven. I know he is in the presence of the Lord. 

In my mind I know he was sick and was having all sorts of complications. But my heart is screaming "THIS IS NOT FAIR"

Grief is a weird thing. 

My heart is heavy, but I have peace. I am resting on the Lord. I have to. He is my peace. My strength. 

Please pray for my family. We lost our patriarch.