Aunt LaLa

 Hi everyone!  If you are still around and reading my ramblings...thank you.  I've always loved to write, not too long ago someone asked me why I never write anymore.  My immediate answer was "I just don't have the time" But really, I could make time. I think life has been CRAZY, hard, and full. I think just like everyone there has been a struggle in all of us this last year and into this year.  I have had some personal things I have worked through. Some things in my family that have been hard to navigate. My heart has grieved.  However, God has been nearer than he ever has. I have seen small and big miracles. I have seen healing. I have seen other men and women of God change before my eyes. Seeing answered prayers of people that I care about happening weekly.  I have depended on God more in the last year and a half than I ever  have. I have also experienced more freedom than I ever have spiritually.  I am just incredibly grateful. So gratefu...

Grace. Such a small word to hold so much weight. And God has been showing me different ways to extend grace to those around me. Growing up I felt I had to be perfect, never wanting to disappoint my Heavenly father or my earthly one as well. No one really ever said "Lauren, be perfect"...yet somehow I spent years of my life (and still occasionally) fight for perfection. I can extend love and understanding to others. I always try to see from the others perspective, because we each perceive every situation in our own way. But to those we love most and are the closest to us...oh those are the ones that test us. You want so bad for them to do better. For their life to be full of good, Godly things. Maybe I am alone in this, but I am tested most by this area. You see, my expectations for myself are SO HIGH, I have a hard time excepting failure. Broken promises. Mistakes. It is exhausting. I am much better than I was, but I am a work in p...

When I sit down to write, it is impossible for me to write something that is of quality if it is NOT what is on my mind/heart.  So, I really want to start writing again. It is therapeutic for me to get it out. I think I have stopped myself from writing because what I want to say sometimes is not edifying and just frustrating.  Our society, our culture, everywhere feels like it is so hostile.  I have seen in the last couple years people leave friends behind, family get bitter with one another.  Hate and anger fuel mean and hurtful words.  What is even more frustrating is that its most over some sort of social media platform.  What are we allowing the media and these platforms to do? I get it. Your passionate.  I read a "rant" from a person. And it hurt my heart. It was full of anger, and slamming others for what they felt in their hearts was the right thing.  At the same time I've seen this same person lectu...

Hello readers  Ugh, I've struggled over here with writing this post.  But, it is really on my heart. And it is because I have unresolved emotions about a couple friendships that I feel I have lost this year.  Unfortunately they are not situations that I can go and tell these individuals. Maybe one day but the situations are difficult and sensitive.  I am not one to harbor feelings, I do not want to go through life with unresolved with offense. My heart was hurt.  My flesh wants to just react. I want to delete connections on social media and delete numbers on my phone. Ignore them like I have felt they ignored me.  But, I can not... well I could.  But I won't. Here is why.  I have been a bad friend at one time or another. I try my best to love like I would want some one to love me, but I know I have failed.  Sometimes, that is one-sided...being a good friend  Every time I get frustrated, ...

What a season of trust that I have been walking through! I know these last few months I have been scarce, with good reason. I'm walking into the last part of my pregnancy. And this pregnancy has brought many trials and struggles that I did not have with my son. However the pregnancy has gone very well, and our new baby is going to be healthy. We are praying and believing that she will be healthier and have a non emergency C-section. I have been healthy, I have had to be on several medications that I was not on previously. I take several insulin injections a day, I am on hypertension medication, and other medicines. This pregnancy started out very emotional and alot of ups and downs. You can read about that here Here I am 34 weeks pregnant as I'm about to publish this post. We are having a sweet little girl... And I cannot wait. She moves all the time and I love it. I've had to rest and trust that she is going to be okay. We have dealt with many stressf...

My heart broke recently when I found out a dear friend passed away. She was in her early fifties. Fifties. This makes me so sad. Her funeral was one of the hardest I've ever been to, and unfortunately I've been to so many. When I was pregnant with E, I lost a dear friend. He was such a character and I enjoyed talking and laughing with him. And now I've lost another friend as a life is growing in me. Life is full of different seasons and one of those seasons is mourning. My heart hurts for her mother and father....and her son who is just twenty. I met my friend V almost nine years ago. Her son was apart of our very first Jr High youth group. She was our biggest fan, supporter, and encourager. She bought us supplies (pens, notepads, notebooks, highlighters, a shelving unit...tons of things to use)  just because she believed in those kids and loved us all. My favorite memory of her, one I will hold close to my heart forever, is when I lost Hope my heart was b...

Eh Hem. **LaLa pulls out her soap box** I have only hinted at my political views on maybe one or two post in the last 6 years of blogging. But, I'm concerned. Really concerned. I have opinions, actually I have alot to say about the current events in our country. On our president. On abortion. On illegal immigrants On all sorts of things. My family would agree. As I have grown to an adult, my opinions have changed and went back and forth. Here is the thing... My heart is grieved at the attitudes of people around me. The narrowed views. On EVERYSIDE. This is to the Christians. The people who are to be loving, accepting, and bold for Christ. I have been so disappointed in the last few years at the attitudes of my fellow soldiers of Christ. Mine included. My heart has been convicted. Where does it end? Jesus gave us our mission in the book of Matthew - called the GREAT COMMISSION Jesus came and told h...

I turned 32. As I do every year I look forward to my birthday. And I ponder. I think about my life the past year and if I have changed. Am I going into the new year different than the last? Have you noticed that I have an analytical mind? (smile) As I have gotten older, one question in particular has gotten louder in my head... Am I making a difference? If you hang around here you know Jesus is my number one passion. Followed by my husband and sweet little boy. But I am more than just a wife or a mother. I have to check in with myself every now and then to make sure that I'm being Mindful and doing what God has called me to do as my own person. Part of my calling is to be a wife, and a mother, but it is also a call to be in the ministry and to grow the kingdom of God. I want to make a difference. I want to have the kind of Legacy that when people look back on my life after I'm gone that they think "wow, God really showed in her ...

I have been missing for sometime... but this summer has been INSANE. In my post "Why am I like this?" I mentioned that we had a crisis at the beginning of the Summer. Now, that we have moved past it and it is not so fresh I will share. J suddenly lost his job. As you may know I stay at home with Ethan, I love it! I get to really have the opportunity to invest in Ethan and be the one to teach him and instill his love for Jesus. So it was frightening to think I would lose this. J was applying and applying. He has so much experience and great work record. But nothing seemed to work out. Apprehensive does not exactly cover the emotions we were feeling. But, we serve a mighty God. And we claim to have faith. So our faith was put into action in a big way. As our heavenly father always does, he turned something we thought was the beginning of  the end into a Summer of fun and some learning too. I learned something over this last almost two years. To really t...

I have have been a mommy for a little over 2 years That's 28 months Which is 876 days Or you could say 21,024 hours When broken down like that it doesnt seem all that long. But I feel like it was a lifetime ago that it was the two of us. Before Ethan. Now to warn you I'm about to go all mom on you... So if you are a guy this may not be entertaining... If you have no interest to face the reality of being a mom...Or if you don't want to read my mom confessions.... Then this post is not for you ::smile:: I'm laughing here... Oh boy... So I was doing laundry...I noticed my underwear. They are quite... Eh worn I told J I really needed to get some underwear. He asked when was the last time I had gotten any new ones... I had to literally sit down and think. Think. And think. Oh moms...I really hope I'm not alone here. I have not bought new undies since I was pregnant with E. What in the world is wrong with me? I started to think... When di...

Today I celebrate an answered prayer.  I started to pray for my future spouse at fourteen. That may seem young to you and it was young.  But from a very young age (obviously)  I dreamed of my prince Charming...to feel those butterflies that all those romantic movies gave me with a real person.  As I grew older I desperately wanted someone to love me...  I wanted someone who would take care of me, who loved me for me. Not what I could give them.  I wrote about how Josh and I met and you can read all that HERE Today it has been nine years that I said 'I do' to the Love of my life.  We had a whirlwind romance and it swept us up and carried us quickly to the alter Four months actually from our first date we were on our honeymoon.  I know that there were naysayers, and I know that some had doubts.  That is okay.  Because Josh and I knew we were meant...

Who will be the examples to my child, niece, and nephews in the future? I feel like in our government and sometimes in our daily lives the good men and woman are few and far between. The men/woman of integrity. Faith. Purpose. Drive. Love. Integrity to me is so important. It is what I looked for in a husband. A pastor. A friend.  Integrity the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. synonyms: honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness Look at those synonyms. How many people do you know that would meet that description? I do not know many. I often think what would people see me as? Am I making a difference for God? Am I representing Christ in a way that would make someone want to know what I have in my salvation, or am I just convincing them of what some of the world thin...

I am determined to be a good mother... like my mom I have always dreamed about being a mommy. I mommied my cousins, my younger brother (still do sometimes), even my older sister. I was the one who reminded everyone of the rules, comforted them when they were in trouble or sad. I want to just point out as I get older and I am entering this new season I am appretiating my mother more than I ever have. When I got married and was learning to be a wife, I got a new perspective looking at my mom. Now with Ethan coming... there is a drive inside of me that says "Protect that baby" Growing up my mom would say frequently how she loved being a mom. That she loved her kids.  I can remember when Susan Smith murdered her children in the 1990s. I can still see in my mind the news program when she begged the "person" who had them to bring the home. Then I remember the day when the news came that she had actually drowned her children. My mothers face was mortified then ...