What I Have...

 Hi everyone! 

If you are still around and reading my ramblings...thank you. 

I've always loved to write, not too long ago someone asked me why I never write anymore. 

My immediate answer was "I just don't have the time"

But really, I could make time. I think life has been CRAZY, hard, and full. I think just like everyone there has been a struggle in all of us this last year and into this year. 

I have had some personal things I have worked through. Some things in my family that have been hard to navigate. My heart has grieved. 

However, God has been nearer than he ever has. I have seen small and big miracles. I have seen healing. I have seen other men and women of God change before my eyes. Seeing answered prayers of people that I care about happening weekly. 

I have depended on God more in the last year and a half than I ever  have. I have also experienced more freedom than I ever have spiritually. 

I am just incredibly grateful. So grateful. 

I was writing in a journal last night. And it is one of those that has prompts at the top of the page. It asked what was hardest thing I had been through? If you could do anything different what would that be? What advice would you give your self five years ago?

I thought about all those things... wrote some things down. 

Every day I have been trying to be intentional about my attitude. About everything. Even housework. 

Hearing stories about woman praying and shouting praise while doing dishes is foreign to me. I hate doing dishes. Smile. 

Yesterday, I did not have a good attitude. I was grumpy. I spent too much time on my phone. I was snappy with my kids and husband.

I felt so overwhelmed and angry. 

So I put myself in timeout. I told J I was going to sit in the van and cool off. 

His response "Okay, babe" LOL He knows I do better after I have some time alone, where he needs to immediately talk it out. 

I went to the van and turned on worship music. Cried a little and prayed.  

Came back inside and made dinner. 

There is a point to all this play by play....

This morning I woke up with my mind focused on Jesus and doing better today. Less screen time, more moving around. 

Continue to eat better, get my water in. 

As I was folding towels, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the woman praising God while doing dishes. There was nothing "holy" about her dishes or special about the water. She was probably thanking God for what he brought her through. Praising God that she had running water and dishes to wash. And family that dirtied them. 

Feeling so convicted at my towels, and remembered when we had so little. 

In our first home was a small two bedroom trailer from the 90's we had 8 towels, a used love seat, a chase lounge that was used, set of new dishes, and little else. Our pantry was full of Ramen noodles and Spaghetti O's. We had a makeshift TV stand, and the TV was super small. Josh lost his job when we were only married a couple months. I was in college and working at a daycare. No washer. No dryer. 

Gratefulness filled my heart as I folded a towel with Mickey Mouse on it. 

Thanking God for my family that dirtied these towels. Thanking God that I have a washer and dryer to wash and dry these clothes. 

There were moments that I grieved until I was sick to be a mom. I begged God to hear my prayers for a man of God to love me. 

Here I sit with both those prayers answered. 

We have stable income. I have more than eight towels. We have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. I am not saying this to brag on myself or J. But I'm bragging on God. 

Please be encouraged. We can start fresh and new. God loves you. He cares. He sees your struggles. 

That very thing your praying for or season your waiting for to end/begin. Hold on. 

When your having a bad moment, it doesn't make you a bad person. Change that thinking. 

Ask "What can I learn? What can I do better" 

Ask "What led this today?" 

Lack of prayer and being in the word, food, tiredness, un-dealt with emotions all can lead to a bad attitude. Bad mood. 

Take notice. Change one thing a day. 

REMEMBER the things God has brought you through, take note and be thankful. 

I know this was long... but it was on my heart

Love,