Friday, August 31, 2012

Its Labor day weekend??

I don't know about everyone else... But I'm SHOCKED that labor day is already here!

Craziness...

I would like to say that I have 2 new followers!! You know who are and thank you!!

I hope you realize that every comment and new follower I get gives me the biggest smile!! I truly have fell in love with BLOGGING! I want to celebrate my blog-versary. Here is my dilemma...

I've had this blog since last year. But I didn't start posted faithfully until November. However I have literally 1 post in April, 1 post in September, and 1 post in October... November I had 14 or 15.

So I was thinking that I would celebrate in November, when I became a true blogger, Yes? Let me know... I'm thinking my first  GIVE AWAY!!  I'm starting to figure out how all that works exactly.

That makes me excited.

So yesterday I received some great feed back on my post. Thank you guys for that. Truthfully it was on my heart. If nothing else on this blog you know that I'm transparent... good, bad, and the ugly not so pretty :)


I'm wondering, is there something that you followers would like me to discuss or blog about let me know :)


Happy Labor Day Everyone!! 

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Being Gracious

I've been hurt, I've been ignored, mistreated, abused, laughed at, made fun of, unappreciated... By people in this world.

When these things happen to us and we feel "wronged" our first reaction is usually

get angry
get even
hold a grudge
be mean/hateful back

I've been guilty of this. Lately I have been feeling "FED UP". That point where you are just out of things to say, do, or be.

Somethings I've learned and God has reminded me:

1. Sometimes no matter what you do people are NOT going to change. They are used to their dysfunction and will probably stay there unless God changes them.

2. I need to remember that when I get fed up because people are hurting me that God never gives up on me. And that I need to forgive them.

3. I have to ask myself, how many times a day do I hurt God or ignore him? He never get "fed up" with me.

4. That forgiving someone means to continue to treat them with kindess. And to continue to let my hurt be healed.

5. That people are ALWAYS going to fail me. Always. But God never fails or leaves me.

6. Some people don't want to mention Hope. Probably because either they are afraid it will hurt me or it  makes them uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean her life isn't validated. She has her daddy and mommy.

7. That my heart might hurt but I will be ok.

8. I must hold on to Gods promise that he is protecting my O,J, E.

9. I am just human. I fail, fall, struggle... when I do I pick myself up and continue fighting.

10. I have to grieve in my own way.

11. I cannot take care of all my families problems, cares, hurts, burdens... I cannot change them. I am NOT a fictional super hero. That is Gods job



So thats whats on my heart today...

I'm in some growing pains. And I know that we are warring against things we cannot see (Ephesians 6:12) and with 50 women fasting and praying things are moving and there a great things ahead.

Only 28 days....


Happy Blogging!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

How I Found True Love Part 5

So we have made it to part 5. I've really have loved remembering all the details of us falling in love. As I write I remember more and more. Also I had to go back and edit part 4. I realized I had forgotten about a cute part of our first conversation. The edit is at the end.

So get ready here we go...

Part 5- The first date

Lauren looked at the clock. She was getting so nervous. In about 15 minutes she would be getting off and heading to Knoxville. The next morning she would Josh.  Josh and Lauren were talking all the time and texting. It seemed an eternity ago that he had asked her out on their first official date.

Once getting off work she headed to Knoxville. She wanted to buy the right outfit for this occasion. Lauren met her grandmother at a retail store once in Knoxville. Lauren could not wait. She just had a great feeling.

After finding the cutest outfit (Which I still own lol) she headed over to her grandparents house. Josh and Lauren talked for a long time that night on the phone. Knowing that Josh was going to be there early they reluctantly got off the phone.

August 4th, 2007 arrived and Josh would arrive a 10 am. Lauren got dressed and was  nervous but not as nervous as the rest of her family. Lauren received text and phone calls through out the morning. Her grandparents waiting anxiously.

Josh pulled up and Lauren along with her grandparents. He got out of the car and stood there. Didn't move for what seemed about 5 minutes. Obviously getting up the nerve to walk to the front door.

Lauren admired that he looked so stylish. He could dress himself... a good sign. (LOL) As he approached the door everyone went to their seats so he couldn't see them at the door.

*Knock Knock*

Lauren went to the door.

"Hi"

Josh looked pleasantly surprised (Literally he looked at me, eyes got big and he smiled... hee hee)

"Hi"

"Come on in, this is my grandmother Sharon. My grandfather Bill"

Lauren was nervous in introducing her grandpa. She just knew he was going to embarrass her. He had been teasing her that he was going to call him "Bubba".

As Lauren's grandpa shook Josh's hand he didn't let go. Looked straight at in his eyes.

"Now, thats our baby right there. I promised I wouldn't embarrass her. But I'm trusting you to take care of  her. She is our baby and we protect in this family. I expect her to be safe with you. Can I trust you with that son?"

"Yes, sir." Josh replied nervously.

Lauren thought that wasn't too bad. Could have been worse. After saying good bye and promising to text through out the day to let them know she was ok they made their way to the car. Josh opened the door for her. And off they were. What they didn't know is as they pulled away Lauren's grandmother was trying to take pictures of Josh's license plate without them seeing her. Lauren smelled something awful in his car. It smelled like orange trash.

Conversation came easily and quickly. Just some highlights. :)

J"sorry if it smells bad my dad used my car to take the trash"
L"no it smells fine" She lied.

J "Don't know if you've noticed but I twitch. I have terets"
L "No I haven't noticed. Thats ok I have PCOS. Which means I have some hormone problems"

(Talk about being open)

J "So this is a cookout so we will be eating there"
L"Oh ok. Hope they have some salad"
J"You don't have to eat salad because you are with me"
L"Listen, I love salad. But I love food. I love to eat. I'm not going to fake that."

(Yes this conversation happened. It was a long ride to the destination)

Josh and Lauren arrived at the entrance of the national park. Where they were going to have to navigate to a cabin in these mountains somewhere. As Josh handed the directions to Lauren.

Lauren didn't how this was going to work. Lol

Ok so I will continue to our first date next week. I promise it was eventful!

Our Baby

Today I've decided I would reveal our babies name. For a couple of reasons.

First- We will be trying again to conceive and feel its time to share. Not that we could ever replace or want to replace our precious baby.

Second- We want to celebrate her and acknowledge what she has meant to us. I want to write something about her from now on and use her name.

To answer a question I know that will be asked. No we were not far enough along to know if our baby was a he or a she. However Josh and I followed our hearts. We just felt it was a girl.

We named her...

Her rock is resting with the other remembrance rocks of  babies lost. Put together by a women who suffered her own loss this year, and this was her way of healing.


Naming Hope was a beautiful but painful moment for Josh and I. We were talking about how we were going to cope and heal through this. A dear friend shared her experience and that she named her baby. We felt this was something that would help us.

As we both kind of asked each other... we both said "Hope" almost at the same time.

We both felt through this that she gave us hope. Hope let us know that we can conceive. Honestly, I'm not sure what Hope's entire purpose was/is. But one thing I do realize is she has one. For the rest of our days her little life is going to touch others through our testimony.

We first wanted to validate her existance somehow. My same friend told me about The Church of the Holy Innocents. They write your babies name in the book. And its prayed over everyday. They then mail you a certificate of life with your babies name. This helped start the healing process.

Hope's certificate. Not the best quality picture.


I'm in love with my daughter Hope. Her daddy loves her too.

So as we take this next step of healing on this journey we are at peace. We hurt, we cry, we sometimes question... But we are healing.

Yesterday I received this ...

 
This is Hope's heart from A Heart To Hold

This post is dedicated to my daughter Hope. Who never had to hurt. To suffer in this world. She never had to even cry, be angry. Now she is with Jesus. I know she is waiting for us in Heaven.


Monday, August 27, 2012

Weekend Recap with What I'm Lovin' Monday!

The Sweet Life of the Reeses
(Go over and check out Sherry's site. Such a cute family!)

I'm Lovin that I have this link up to do. Focusing on the positive is so helpful

I'm Lovin that on Saturday I had family over and we grilled out.
(Photo dump)

Eli loves his Monkey back pack. Every time he would bring it to us.  "Go" 

Is this not sweet! My brother and his babies! :)
Me and my Eli... Is he not just precious! 
Josh and his baby. LOL... there is the famous menacing Pixel :)
Grams came by. And of course had toys in her trunk! Olivia loves her Grandma
My Aunt S... Isn't she pretty? She had her grandbaby with her but I didn't get a pic. She was sleeping,
For some reason this is the only shot I got of the parents. LOL



It was a relaxing weekend. And I made it through without breaking down. Actually God gave me so much peace. I felt the prayers being lifted up on my behalf. I don't know if I mentioned this but there I will be attending a woman's retreat at the end of September. Hosted by our church. 52 women will be there. I know God is going to do amazing things. We are only 32 days away :)  I can't post too much because there are so many surprises! But don't worry you will get the pics and juicy details post retreat :)

Oh and I have a great Pixel story but I'll share tomorrow. 

Part 5 of our love story coming up Wednesday. If you need to catch up the links are under the "Mr. and Mrs." Tab. 

Have a great Monday! Happy Blogging!!

Friday, August 24, 2012

My heart with Fridays Letters

I had to write tonight.  My heart has been breaking over these past two day. I miss our baby more then ever. Today was a rough day.

*Stepping up on soapbox* I'm reminded daily of mothers who are blessed with these children and they don't care. They aren't concerned with their welfare first, no, they think of themselves. This enrages me. Because I'm without my child and they could care less about theirs. Your children are being intrusted to you to raise right and to love. NOT neglect, push aside, and consider a nuisance. I wish with all my heart that I could have my precious one.I don't. *Stepping down off soapbox*

On our way home we got a flat tire. This is a normal stress of life. And surprisingly dealing with my grief in the big picture a flat tire isn't really that big of deal.

Sorry I'm rambling. Anyhow I received an email from A Heart To Hold . This organization is doing something priceless. If you haven't lost a child this may seem odd to you. However, through my own experience I can't wait to hold my heart. My arms and heart ache for our child. I'm just so thankful to them. Right now there are 600 families who are waiting for A Heart To Hold.

If you know someone who has suffered this kind of loss be kind to them. Let them talk about their baby even if it makes you uncomfortable. Acknowledge that if the baby was a week or full term it was their child.




Dear Baby, Oh how mommy loves you.
 Dear J, thanks for being understanding. 
Dear O, E, J - Lala loves you and prays for you. 
Dear K,M,R- Remember your children should come before your needs. They need you. Love them like you should. 
Dear G, We all love you. And cherish you. Don't be down it worries me. 
Dear Ovaries, Its time to start OVULATING!! 
Dear Blog friends, Thank you for your encouraging words and sticking with me :) 
Dear J, I love you.
Dear Jesus, Your all I need. Thank you for giving me that little gift tonight. <3

Happy Blogging!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Tomorrows another day

There is a song by Jo Dee Messina "Bring on the rain"....

Yesterday my heart ached for our baby so desperately. I first started my morning with a professor who is about as far as I would be right now with our precious one. Then something was mentioned about Sunday being a baby dedication for our dear friends.

I was fine until Praise and Worship last night. I think because when I worship its with my heart and soul. Of course it opens yourself up emotionally and thats when the dam broke.

I was just hit with a wall of pain. So painful I could hardly breathe. At one point I was crying so hard I fought the temptation just to RUN! I just kept pouring my heart out to Jesus and at times just listening.

Grief is a funny thing. You think your ok and your healing... then BAM..

My heart is broke. I miss our baby so much that at times I can't think. I am healing. And I am making it.But last night was one of those nights I just wish I had my baby.

I want to cuddle her.
Kiss her face.
Hug her close.
Sing to her.

I don't have those things. I won't have those things. She went to Heaven before me.

I don't have answers. I have a faith in a God that gives me strength. And I realize my finite mind can not understand his infinite one.

So here is this song. I don't know why it was comforting it just was. So until tomorrow...

Happy Blogging!



Wednesday, August 22, 2012

How I found true love (Part 4)


OK Part 4 people!! Not sure how many part I'm going to be able to make. I mean are you willing to read more of this? Let me know... Don't want ya bored :)


Part 4

As Lauren looked at her phone, her stomach doing flips, she checked the voice mail. It was him. The first time she heard his voice. You could tell he was trying hard to not to put pressure on her. 

"Just call when you get a chance. No rush."

Lauren heard someone behind her. It was her mom. 

"Was that him?" 

"Yes"

"Well go call him back"

Instant panic filled Lauren. The what if's were swimming in her mind!

"I dont think I can"

"Lauren, its just a phone call"

Lauren remembered the last time she talked to a guy from the "web" and he was a bit strange. Ok he was ALOT strange. Plus once you have been hurt its hard to be vulnerable again.... Dating was scary! Especially blind dating.

Lauren said a prayer for strength. And went outside of her grandparents house. Sat in the grass to the side of the house. Not wanting to be interrupted or embarrassed.

She dialed the number.

On to part 5... (just kidding)

He answered.

"Can I speak to Josh"

"This is Josh"

The first thing she noticed was his thick country accent. There was so much noise in the back ground.

"Hi, this is Lauren. Sorry I missed your call. "

"Hey, sorry for all the noise I'm at Zuma. We all were riding go carts"

"Thats ok. I've never been there."

So as they continued to talk Josh found a quieter spot. They talked about general things. After about 30 minutes they ended their phone call with Josh promising to call the next day. Getting off the phone Lauren couldn't stop smiling. He was so cute and country.

The next day Josh called and Lauren was pleasantly surprised. He actually called when he said he would. :)

Through out the next few days Lauren and Josh were on the phone or texting often. After talking about 2 weeks Josh finally asked Lauren on a date.

Lauren was downtown looking at wedding dresses with her then future sister in law. And was looking and dreaming about her own wedding day. When her phone rang. It was Josh. Excusing her self she walked outside.

Josh was calling her on his lunch break.

"So the company I work for are having their annual picnic on the 4th. Do you think you would like to go with me?"

"I would love to. It sounds like fun"

After the phone call Lauren was ecstatic! She went back in the store and told the girls. Everyone was excited. In a week she was meeting her Josh. And she couldn't wait.

**Edit: After Josh and I had been dating for a while we talked about our first conversation. I said he was so country I couldn't understand some of what he said. And he said I talked to fast! LOL Its amazing that first phone call made it to a second one**



Ok guys Part 5 next or I might do another this week. We will see :) 

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

What it's really about

Commitment. Forgiveness. Unconditional love. Communication. Patients. Happiness. Smiles. Contentment. Understanding. Humbleness. Selflessness. 

These are some words that come to mind when I think about marriage or to be more specific my marriage. When I was a little girl I dreamed of being loved like Bell, Cinderella, Jasmine, Aerial, Aurora, Snow White. As I grew older there were more frogs then princes thats for sure. I didn't realize the magnitude of the task to weed through the warty things. 

When I hit my twenties I doubted that there would be someone to love me like I desired to be loved. Eventually I gave my obsession to God and concentrated on him instead. Then I met Josh. Those who are following our love story (you can catch up here at the bottom of the page) know that it wasn't conventional and it was by surprise. A whirl wind romance. 

Our love affair has been a passionate, challenging, hard, and rewarding. I can't imagine  my life with anyone else. 

Here is my confession: Sometimes it seems easier to give up then work on it. 

Ok don't throw stones at me. We all have times of weakness. Anyone who knows Josh and I see how much we love each other. But there are days where I am don't feel like being the words above... forgiving, loving, patient. Sometimes Josh drives me CRAZY! 

I think of how I struggle sometimes to see his side and want my own way. I get very un-meek and get frustrated when things don't go MY way. 

In the bible God relates our relationship with him as a marriage. And I was frustrated just yesterday my spirit was quickened. Does God get frustrated with me? Does he feel like throwing in the towel when I'm being stubborn and continue to fail? 

The answer: No. 

This morning Josh and I in our devotion talked about meekness. I realized that if I'm honest with myself I'm not that meek. 

Meekness

This is an extremely difficult word to translate into English, because we think "meek" implies weakness. Sometimes it is translated (NKJV) "gentleness," but that also implies weakness.
The best way to know the meaning of a word is to study passages where it is used. As we do, we will see meekness is an attitude or quality of heart [1 Peter 3:4] whereby a person willingly accepts and submits without resistance to the will and desires of someone else. The meek person is not self-willed - not continually concerned with self, his own ways, ideas, and wishes. He is willing to put himself in second place and submit himself to achieve what is good for others. Meekness is the opposite of self-will, self-interest, and self-assertiveness.
This is a sign, not of weakness of character (as some think), but of strength. It requires great self-control to submit to others.
 (Source)

I love how they put this. When I read this my heart is convicted. Because in my marriage, friendships, and most important my prayer life. I put my self in first place. I get frustrated when my self-will is not fulfilled. When my prayers that are selfish don't get answered I feel crushed and betrayed by God because he didn't answer.

What I've come to realize I want more of Christ in then I want myself. Without God my heart is not good. My motives are not naturally good. I'm only aiming toward righteousness through God and God alone.

So, the challenge to myself (and you if you want) is to practice being meek. In my marriage, friendships, and most of all my prayer life.


Thats all for today!!

Happy Blogging!


Monday, August 20, 2012

OnTheBrightSide

So remember those days when you were 16, 17 or 18 and you went to all these concerts and just jumped around. Stayed out too late and had tons of laughs?

Well I got to revisit that this weekend and it was amazing! I had so much fun!

At our church (HCF) we invited a Christian rock band OnTheBrightSide ... These guys were amazing! Their songs were so moving and heartfelt but of course very "rockish" is that a word?? Yes it is! :)

It was an amazing time of worship! The testimony by DK was very moving. And was a great reminder that NOTHING is too big for our God! What was so great about these guys that on stage or off they were true witnesses for Christ. As a friend and I worked their sales table I watched how they interacted with their fans (which were ranged in various ages) with respect and much gratitude. Nothing vain or pompous about their attitude. As they made sure each time they signed a CD or t-shirt that person felt the "Love" :)

I can not count how many times they thanked and were appreciative of our help.

I've been to many, many, many concerts! And have met many "christian" bands. These guys were probably one of the must humbled men of God. And I know God is going to do great things in and around them.

They are actually about to embark on a journey to Poland! Prayers and donations are greatly appreciated! So check them out... below is a video from their youtube page and HERE is a link to their Facebook page.



So check them out!! Thanks OTBS! I look forward to hearing you guys again while I'm jamming in my car!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Fridays Letters

Photobucket

Dear Baby, Its been 3months now. My heart is healing. But I never stop thinking about you. Love you so much. 
Dear J, another vacation? Say next week? Yes? 
Dear O, E, J - Oh how Lala loves you. I'm praying for you my dears. God is with you. 
Dear Birthday, I realize your not until October... But every time I think about you I get a little nervous. (I will be 27!!)
Dear Geography, You are over!! And I passed you with a B! YES!
Dear Psych of adjustment, be kind. 
Dear J, I love you. And I'm loving our morning devotions. 
Dear God, thanks you for never failing me. 


So yes blog friends that paper I was complaining about well... I made an A!! And that comprehensive final... an A!! YAY! So I was pretty darn thankful that God was with me that night! Because honestly didn't see that coming!


Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!! :)

Happy Blogging!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

How I Found True Love (3)

Hi Lauren — JLaw81 sent you a smile!

JLaw81

Age: 26
Knoxville, TN, USA
Ideal Match:87%
"Christ_myeverything" AIM is z3r0c00l81 [AT] aol [DOT] COM , Hi, my name is Josh, I'm not to good at this but I'll try, lol. I am a pretty down to earth guy, I'm real...


Look what I found! See where he was reaching out to me :) LOL Oh we were tricky! I just had to share this ... OK now back to the story ...



Lauren opened the email. Her heart pounding with all kinds of emotion. The email was short but ended sweet...

Ok, hope to talk to you later, you seem like a nice person.

-Dkun Josh
Lauren wrote him back quickly...

You seem like a nice person as well. I seen that your signature says Dkun Josh, is Dkun your first name? Well I hope you had a great weekend!
Hope to hear back from you,
In Christ,
Lauren

From there Lauren and Josh were emailing back and forth as soon as the other one got their email. Excitement was feeling Lauren.

J: Lauren, Nah, my first name is Josh, but i am a Ordained Deacon, so i just shortened the word to Dkun, i thought it sounded good, haha!  

L: Oh ok I get it ... very clever... haha! What did you like about my profile on Christian Mingle?
J: As far as your profile, i like all of it, you just seem like a very sweet person, i really like your Favorite Verses in Jeremiah 29. if you notice that is one of mine as well,  my dad had to have surgery last Friday  and i was reading those verses to him at the hospital, I think verses like that can be a healing tool in the right situations, Ya know? If you don't mind me asking you the same question, why do you like my profile?

Oh, i guess you saw my friends request on myspace, sorry but i saw your name in your email and had to see if i could find you, hope you didn't mind...  -Josh

Lauren thought about the last email. She had seen his friends request. How did she feel about this? It was kind of forward. But she didn't get a creepy feeling like she had from previous people.

L: It seems my answer is the same as yours. Jeremiah 29 is one of my favorite scriptures. I see that on your profile. -Lauren

J: it's nice to have someone to "type" to, lol. - Josh

L: It is nice to have some one "type" to. - Lauren 

After several more emails in a weeks time Lauren gave Josh her number. And hoped he would call the next day.

He did.

As the phone rang and Lauren didn't recognize the number her heart started pounding, hands sweating...

Before she could get the courage to answer she missed the phone call...

Continued in Part 4 :)


You can read

Part 1 HERE

&

Part 2 HERE


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Healing

Healing comes in time.

I've heard this from day one of miscarrying. As my heart was breaking I thought, "How can time take away the over whelming feeling of sadness and hopelessness?" I was apart of some support groups on facebook and some of these women are suffering so horrible many years later. As the weeks past and I was seeking the Lord for answers, peace, and hope I noticed myself healing VERY little at a time.

I wondered why these ladies were so distraught. I noticed many of them angry at God. Or maybe were not religious at all. As I was trying to seek the Lord everyday and not be tempted to drown in depression I had to with drawl from these groups.  Not because I was passing judgement, their grief was their own. But for my sanity I withdrew.

I reached out to these women. And said I was praying for them. But this particular group was more of women just rehashing the ordeal or being mad at others for not understanding. There wasn't any healing. My heart broke for them.

When something bad happens in life we tend to question "Why me?" Well I ask "Why not you?"

Through life we go through storms and some tough stuff. But we are not promised that this road of life is easy in fact Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 10 that were going to be tortured for God. They would be hated and family would turn against family. These were the very men and women who literally walked with Jesus in the flesh. Are we better then them that we think we must suffer nothing?

I won't pretend to even understand a infinite mind with my finite one. God is the beginning and the end. He knows all.

1 Corinthians 2:9
However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[a]
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—(A)


Which is why I surrendered my baby into his hands and said your will be done. May our loss bring you Glory!

Our culture is about what I want? Its a selfish culture. Servanthood and graciousness is not taught among the people of this world. Non- Christians and Christians get so angry when they suffer and get mad at God for allowing things to happen. Yet we forget the suffering of the early church. We get mad because we don't have the nicest car.

I did not want to stay in the darkness of my grief. Was it easy? No. Do I miss my baby everyday? Yes.

But I love and trust the Lord to know there is a plan in this. There is a purpose.

A dear friend of mine said something to me that I repeat often "God does not waste our pain"

Peter was crucified up-side down because of his beliefs.


1 Peter 4:12 
"12 Beloved, do not be surprised at (A)the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice (B)insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad (C)when his glory is revealed. 14 (D)If you are insulted (E)for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory[a] and of God rests upon you. 15 But (F)let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or (G)as a meddler. 16 Yet (H)if anyone suffers as a (I)Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God (J)in that name. 17 For it is time for judgment (K)to begin at the household of God; and (L)if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who (M)do not obey the gospel of God? 18 And

(N)“If the righteous is scarcely saved,
    what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”[b]
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will (O)entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good."
Peter was crucified up-side down because of his beliefs. 

3 months ago tomorrow I lost my baby. I miss her everyday. My heart always has an empty spot. But I rest in the arms of my savior. I pray that these women I've met find this peace that only Christ can give them. I will see my baby again in Heaven. 
She served her purpose, through her death there will be Glory unto God. 

If you don't know, know that I'm here to listen. To be your friend. I know God has put this on my heart for a reason. I'm humbled by his greatness. 

Until tomorrow :) Happy Blogging!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Day one on vacation

After sleeping in on on Monday we got ready for our day downtown. After some research I found that they were having a free concert at the historical Tennessee theater. After getting to the theater I was totally enamored by this beautiful place.

It still looked the same as it had for the last 100+ years. It was beautiful. I has Josh take several pics of me at different spots. There are some pics from the theater below.

After the concert which was amazing. Old mountain music and a performance on a pipe organ - wurlitzer. We went to the East Tennessee Museum. Which was amazing. So much history.

After that we went to the famous Pizza Palace. There was an episode on Diners, Drive in, and dives with Guy Fiero on Food Network. It was yummy!!! They are david for their pizza, and onion rings!

Get ready for a photo dump :)










Monday, August 13, 2012

I'm back!

Yes I'm back! Our vacation was extremely wonderful!!

I will post pics and where we went over this week! I hope you guys are enjoying reading our love story :) I will write another post for this week on that!

Something strange on our vacation though is it took a couple days for us to both relax and feel on vacation. Has that happened to you? We have been so round up tight this year that it took a couple days to 'chill'.

Once we let loose, it was a blast :) I miss J terribly today though. Having him to myself for 8 days spoiled me!

I hope you guys have had a great week!  And be looking for my first post about our vacation tomorrow!


Happy Blogging!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

How I found true LOVE Part 2

Lauren looked over the email from her grandmother (looked something like this):

Lauren, 

Why not try some of these website. They say they are Christian. Get out there and try something new. Maybe thats what God wants.

www.christianmingle.com


Well, Lauren thought why not? After looking at several websites she decided to try out ChristianMingle.com - they had a personality test. They catagorized you in colors by your personality. Lauren being a psychology major this one struck her interest.

After taking this test for free they would would pair Lauren up with the colors that would suit her personality. Everyday email after email of just the guys Lauren could maybe have a realtionship with. They were a couple she came in contact with.  One who was creepy. One who was a health buff. So far this color system was not working. Lauren became discouraged.

Every day the emails would come, she would delete them. One day in July 2007 she received a message saying someone sent her a message. Lauren caught what it said right before she hit the delete button.

Lauren thought it was worth checking out. There is was a message from this guy 'JLaw' .

I like your profile :) 

Maybe he was a lawyer? She thought.

Lauren sent a message back to him

I like your profile :)


This is where it got a little tricky. You see, we were both free members. Which meant we could only choose premade messages. :)

So JLaw decided to make contact with Lauren through his about me section.

2 christ myeverything i'm at z3r0 c00l at gmail dot com. 

Their system didn't catch his message. So Lauren put her own message back.

2 jlaw i'm at username at yahoo dot com :)

So Lauren waited. And on July 16, 2007 she recieved her first email from her future husband.

To be continued...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Guest Post: From Single to Forever

Hello my blogger friends! While you read this I will be on vacation. I've asked my dear blogger friend to do a guest post! I'm so excited to! She has really been an encouragement to me through this season of my life! Even though we have never met in person I do consider her a friend! So make sure you show her some love!

Here she is Valerie @ From Single to Forever 

I took this from her blog. Are they not the cutest?

Hey everybody!  I want to first thank Ms. Lauren so much for asking me to be a guest on her blog.  It really is such an honor to have someone request I write something for them.  So, to anybody I haven’t met yet, a big South Carolina hello!  To those of you who came over to say hello from my neck of the woods, please give Lauren lots and lots of love because she’s kind of awesome like that.

We decided I would talk a little about me and what blogging has done for my life.  Let me just give you a little synopsis of who I am before I tell you about my blogging history.  I grew up in Columbia, South Carolina as an only child. I watched my mom struggle with infertility my entire life (this will be important to my story later) and that was always in the back of my mind, even from a very young age.  I have no family in Columbia and both my parents now live in Massachusetts and Georgia.  I kind of bounced around from state to state until I finally settled back in Columbia in 2006, got my crap together, finished my Bachelor’s degree in English in 2009 and got my Master’s degree in Library and Information Science in 2011.  I am married to my sweet husband Josh, we have a little boy named Oliver who was born on December 16, 2011, and I am currently expecting Dos to make his/her arrival at the end of January, 2013.

I’ve been a blog follower for a very long time.  I love reading about others’ lives and getting a glimpse into how other people live.  I originally started my blog back in 2009 when I was 31 and it was a really sad space.  Honestly, I was desperate for love and wanted so bad to be anywhere but where I was in my life.  I was so alone and wrote about that whenever the mood would strike me.  I’ve struggled with self-esteem forever and the beginning posts of my blog very much reflected that and the space I was in.  My posts were very sporadic if for no other reason than I felt boring and nobody wanted to hear about how my life was going on a day to day basis. 

I guess you could say I completely abandoned blogging until February 2011 when I had the suspicion that Josh was about to propose to me.  About two months after that I posted again that I was pregnant and terrified.  I watched my mom either get pregnant and not stay that way or go month after month with a negative result so I was beyond scared about being pregnant.  I’m not really sure when the light bulb switched on and I began to blog regularly but I started reading more and more blogs and I even found a mommy who has a little boy who was born on the same day as Oliver (hi Natalie and Elliott!!).  Now, I check Blogger quite often to make sure I’m up to date on what’s happening in my friends’ lives.      

So, I guess that brings us to the present day.  Now I have cultivated some wonderful relationships with women that, although we have never met in person, I think about them and wonder how they are doing.  When I got pregnant with Dos, after the initial shock wore off, my next thought was I am so very blessed but why me?  I know it may sound trite but I see women who go through treatments or who have just started the process and are frustrated and my heart breaks for them.  I try to be not only a cheerleader but just a listener as well.  There is no greater feeling than hearing a friend tell you she’s pregnant after weeks/months/years of struggle.

Well, that’s a little about me.  Thank you so much for stopping by and reading a little about who I am and why I blog.  Again, thank you so much Lauren for allowing me to guest blog while you and hubby are on a much needed vacation!!




Monday, August 6, 2012

How I found true LOVE...Part 1

(Don't worry I'm not breaking any pact I've scheduled this post! heehee)

Hi it's me (Lauren)! :) Josh and I have a love story that was a whirlwind romance. And I want to share it with you.... I will be writing this in third person. Its easier that way and hopefully unfolds better as a story ...

Lauren was tired of the way she longed to be married. The last two years her life had changed incredibly. She by her own sheer will cut some unhealthy people from her life that she cared for. She by her own sheer will and with the help of the Lord got her GED, took her ACT, and was in college. Lauren's focus was all about what God had planned for her life. Jeremiah 29:11 was her favorite verse, the Lord had formed a plan just for. But as the loneliness creeped in day after day, Lauren wondered if marriage was apart of that plan.

More than she could count told her she was young and had plenty of time. But Lauren's heart could only feel that ache for the man that she loved. But had never met. At age 14 Lauren decided she didn't want to date and bring emotional baggage into her relationship with her husband. Or drag around with her through life. If she decided she wanted to date then it would be through much prayer before she did so. When Lauren was 18 she started a journal to her future husband. Just simple letters. Sometimes upbeat, sometimes lonely.

In the winter of 2007 Lauren, 21,  went through some testing. She was clinging and thriving in her relationship with Christ. And was for the first time sort of enjoying being single. Hanging out with friends. She was in school full time and working two jobs. Her life couldn't handle a guy anyway right?

Well here enters people trying to play matchmaker. A guy who was divorced for 4 years, yet had a two year old with his EX wife. And liked to smoke marijuana. Thanks brother for trying but that was a big NO. He played in the band with Lauren's  younger brother. He was a decent guy, but not the guy for Lauren. He is probably still with his EX wife :)

Next Enters a man from Lauren's past a man she worked with as a teenager. Lauren had a major crush on this guy when they worked together. He wasn't shy about his attraction toward her. However he had to much drama and did not the Lord.

One afternoon this man we will call him D, pulled up. Lauren knew this could be a dangerous situation. Even though she was attracted to this man she knew he wasn't the man for her. He was in her life for a couple weeks but eventually confessed that she was "too good for him".

Then after a disastrous blind date, Lauren wasn't feeling that great about her hopes in being married. So Lauren decided that the next Spring she was going to move to Johnson City and attend ETSU and continue her education. It was time for Lauren to move out on her own and on with her life.

After starting to get this plan in action... She received an email from her grandmother

Continued in Part 2.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

August 4th 2007

Five years ago today I went on my first date with Josh. It was such a sweet day. I have so many fond memories of that day! I love you sweet heart!

And I'm so glad that I got into your smelly, smokey car! :) (heehee)

oxox
Lauren

Friday, August 3, 2012

Friday's Letters

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Dear Friday, you are my last work day for 9 days! 
Dear Abby, I just love your cuteness! Thanks for the cuddles this morning :)
Dear J, Thanks for your cuddles too *thumbs up*
Dear vacation, you are here!!!! 
Dear paper, haha you didn't defeat me! 9 pages baby! 
Dear Final, I'm finding you a bit intimidating! eeEEeekkkK!
Dear August, you are the beginning of my favorite time of year!! 
Dear September, you are filled with so many exciting things! 
Dear J, I love you & am so excited about us being able to spend 7 days just me and you! 

Dear God, you are just so worthy of all my praise! I will praise you in the good and bad, because ultimately you have a plan. <3


That's it guys! My last post before vacation. I do have about 3 post scheduled for next week which I'm so psyched about!! 

Remember me in your prayers, there is so much information on this final! Thanks!! :) 

Until next time.... Happy Blogging!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

1 more day!

One more day and I'm on vacation!! YAY! I really wish that this class wasn't right in the middle of our vacay... oh well!

Good news people!! I'm already on page 3 of my 5 page research paper! ** BIG SMILE **

Looking forward to next week! I will not be blogging all week. J and I have several pacts that we have made about this vacations:

1. No Facebook (THIS ONE IS GOING TO BE HARD)
2. No PS3 (unless we are playing a game together)
3. No tech support (So sorry peoples but my hubby is ALL mine next week)
4. No phones, ipods (We are saying bye to electronics)
5. Reading the bible together everyday
6. oxox's everyday (heehee)
7. Only showering together (another heehee) (TMI?? Sorry... )
8. the hardest one... NOT blogging!! eeEEeekk! I'll have so much to say by the time we get back! LOL

Thats all we have right now. I'm so darn excited!

I'm trying to set up some post for the week and I'm excited to have my first guest blog too!! Make sure you watch for it! This lady is awesome!!

See ya tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Pressure!

I'm feeling the pressure right now. I have a paper due Tuesday and our comprehensive final the same night. Professor Sheldon grades HARD. I thought I would at least get a B on my mid-term... oh no

He handed back my mid-term it looked like some one bled to death on there. It was full of RED ink! At that very moment I hated all red ink pens!!

Yes, I'm feeling the pressure. Leaning on God for strength and help to obtain all the crazy material. My goal is to finish this paper by Friday night. Then study for the COMPREHENSIVE final for Tuesday.

Kind of bummed that all this is right in the middle of starting our vacation. BOO to that...

I'm such a whiner today. Sorry.

I'm thankful that I'm able to continue my education. Thankful that we recieved an unexpected check in the mail. I'm thankful that WE at least can enjoy a vacation together. I'm thankful that we have an amazing life no matter the ups and the downs. I'm thankful, excited, scared  that I'm on my last pack on birth control.

Through all this stress, I'm trying not to think about how we will actually are about to try and get pregnant again. And we are hopeful. Please pray for us.

Happy Wednesday!!!