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Showing posts from May, 2012

Bittersweet

Cleaning and packing until 2:30 am. Up at 8:00 am. Moving since around 10 am. Just now sitting down. Can you day TIRED? I think we can. We still have to find a matress today. Other wise the couch and love seat are our beds. Smile. Thankful right now for so much. God is faithful. These past 2 months have been awful. But through every trial, he has brought us through. I had a slight moment today leaving. Three years is a long place to live for me. Plus its the only place I had the baby. See here I go again. I know that time will heal, and I'll have a few more hard days ahead, but God is carrying me right now. Last night a young women I know have me something so precious. It meant so much. I don't know if she even realized how that gave me a little piece of healing. So thank you again C.N. :)So, I will see all you people tomorrow!

What I'm Loving Wednesday

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Linking up with Jamie
I'm Loving that today seems a bit better and not too much crying I'm Loving that we were so surrounded by so much love yesterday. Post, messages, text, phone calls.  I'm Loving that I went to the Dr. today and physically everything is OK I'm Loving that tonight is our LAST night at the apartment. Bittersweet.  I'm Loving that the Dr and I talked about a pregnancy plan. I'm excited I'm Loving that this moving is almost done!! YAY!  I'm Loving that this new Dr. understood me and listened. 
I'm Loving my wonderful husband!
I'm Loving my wonderful Lord
Until Friday.. I will be MIA tomorrow due to moving :)

14 days...

I just keep thinking only a few 14 days ago I realized I was pregnant and lost our baby all the same day. Unfortunately not in that order. I feel so full of raw emotion. The hurt never leaves. I am disappointed that some who I consider so close to me haven't said one thing. Not even I'm sorry.

Mind you I realize that some are at a loss for words. But sometimes a simple, "I'm sorry" - "How are you doing" - "praying for you"... Those things help. I don't need your counsel, I don't need you to act like it never happened either. Because every time there is a smile on my face my heart is still hurting.

Maybe its just the way I am, but even when I see someone hurting I don't know I try at least offer some kind of comfort. Even when its uncomfortable. I think when we are proclaiming to follow Christ we must get out of our comfort zone.

It's not easy for me to be so transparent on here, however, it helps me to write and a women might c…

Memorial Day

First of all I want to say thank you to those who have served, serving, our have have their lives for my freedoms. I pray for those families and those who are wounded in any way- mind, body, spirit. Today we have moved almost everything in our apartment! So thankful for all the help we have had. My family is the best!! God had blessed us being belief. In the midst of our grief we have been praising his name through it. Looking forward to more moving, un packing,.cleaning. And dude took his dog &&& HIS STUFF!!!  :) Painted the spare bed room and will be painting 2 other walls. Im so excited! Have a great week everyone!

Friday's Letters && FQF

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Dear Friday's Letters, I look forward to every week! Dear Baby, Our hearts are missing you so much. Dear Pixel, you almost died this morning. No more fits when I need to change my clothes alone. Dear M&D, Chill. God has it all under control. Dear Family and Friends, Thank you for your support during this time. And reaching out to Josh and I. Dear Tenant, Get your stuff!! grrr Dear O, J, E, LaLa loves you so much. I will always be here for you. Dear God, Please lead and guide us. We are waiting for your direction. Dear J, I love you more then you know. I'm so happy that we will be celebrating the life of our baby. 





Missed you last week FQF!
1. Are you a napper?
Not really. I feel like I'm wasting time. There are times where I'm just exhausted and take a nap. But not regularly. 
2. What was your favorite subject in school? Most hated?

English/reading/Language Arts... As I got older GA decided to call it by different names, but basically it was the same class. 
I HATED math…

Dude...take your dog

The house we are moving into is in the process of a few things.

Finishing up the work on the foundation (80 year old houses need a little help)New paint on the shuttersNew dry wall on 2 or 3 walls Sounds exciting right? I know! I'm excited!! 
The problem: Current tenant. Due to circumstances I can't share because it's obviously his privacy, he is supposed to be vacating the property. However, he continues to avoid the owner of the house and WILL NOT remove his property. He has promised several times he is moving his stuff out. The owner of the house is older, she has been trying to get him to cooperate. I feel sorry for her. So we shall see. He left his poor dog there for 4 days by itself. The proper authorities were called and he picked the dog before it was taken from him. Not sure if thats good or not? It was a beautiful black lab.  Legally there is something she could do. But if you have ever dealt with legalities you know this is not a fast process. And since our D-Day…

What I'm Loving Wednesday

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Linking up with Jamie
I'm Loving that Josh and I are in the process of deciding how to honor our baby we never got to hold
I'm Loving that our faith in Jesus is carrying us moment to moment
I'm Loving that as the days pass its closer and closer to when we get to move into our house
I'm Loving that we have so many people in our life that love us and are praying for us
I'm Loving that my hubby is protective of me :)
I'm Loving that even though Abby is 10 she still is so vibrant (even if she is blind)
I'm Loving that Pixel is learning more and minding better (not too much though)
I'm Loving the new flowers I got for our yard
I'm Loving the colors we have picked for the kitchen



I'm Loving the template I got at Home Depot


I'm Loving the new books I found at McKay's Book Store  (LOVE THIS PLACE!)

I'm Loving my new hair


I'm Loving (totally, absolutley, whole heartedly,) my husband

7 days...

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Just to warn you this post is not a happy one. But as I go through this process of grief I'm writing it helps me make myself deal with this pain.

Today is 7 days ago at about 2 am I lost my first baby. And that hurts. Honestly I want to crawl in the bed with Josh and lay there. Because everyday I feel the emptiness in my stomach. Thats painful. I'm not sure when I won't feel this strong sense of loss. I've went through the loss of two grandparents and it was a grueling time. You feel in a fog.

This grief, is nothing like I've ever experienced. I so appreciate all the sweet letter and comments sent to me. Thank you. Knowing that our baby is recognized and was loved is comforting. Knowing I'm not alone is comforting.

Our baby would have been born sometime in or around December. A Christmas baby? We won't ever know the 'true' birthday. Maybe we will celebrate this little life next year. I feel the overwhelming need to make this baby be recognized or ho…

Never dreamed...

Starting last Monday this week was a complete roller coaster. Not sure if I could ever explain to anyone how painful it has been. I've struggled with if I should write about my experience. To write about something so close to you can make you seem so vulnerable.


Writing has always helped me. I've kept a journal since I was nine. I've always been very analytical with my feelings and things going on around me. Which is why I have a journal, a prayer journal, and a blog :)


Crazy, I know. I usually don't have much time to write in any of them, but the blog. I wonder how many women suffer silently because of what this one even does to us emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I don't want to suffer alone. I needed to know that what I'm feeling is normal. Even though people can be very sympathetic, some seem like it is no big deal. It was a big deal. And every second with the Lords help I'm making it.


Last Monday night I had a miscarriage. Even as I type that it …

Fridays letters

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 Dear week, you started as one of the worst weeks of my life. Glad you are over. Dear boss, thank you for letting me take a couple days off. Dear Josh, thank you for your comforting words and hugs. And for just holding me when we were crying together. Dear blog friends, sorry for being mia, maybe I'll share one day. Just need some time. Dear A, very soon I will be saying good bye to you! Can't wait! Dear NEW land lady, Thank you for everything today! Can't wait to move in! Dear God, never thought this would be in your plans but I Know you have a plan. I trust you. It just hurts. 

 So as you guessed we found a new place!! I will be telling how amazing God is In another post! He is always faithful.

Surprise!

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So I have changed my blog up a bit! I hope you like it! I have a new button and title. The picture was actually taken by J! And I did the editing. I'm hoping to grow this little blog of mine :)

The apartment hunt continues!! ARRG!

Who knew finding a place would be so taxing? Not I... Here are a few things to definitely keep in mind when looking for a place...

1. They have accurate numbers. (HELLOOO!!!)
2. Are not rude when talking for your first conversation (You do realize you want me to pay you right?)
3. Too many personal questions, even if you follow up with saying "If I may ask" NO YOU CAN'T!
4. They will not show you an apartment (people I'm not living some where I can't see first, thanks)
5. The prices keep changing. (If you are not charging that then um... stop advertising it)
6. OVER charging (Keep looking and comparing prices)
7. PET PEEVE: I don't mind paying a pet fee. I have a dog. I know its a liability. FINE. But if I pay a large amount of …

Mothers

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I love my mom. She is actually one of my dearest friends. I'm so blessed tp have had her raise me. She was protective, put us first (except when it came to her chocolate that she treated herself with once a month lol), I never had to worry about her loving me or accepting me. She always has a hug for me. And no matter how old I am I'm shill her baby. Love you mom!

Friday's Letters && FQF

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DID YOU KNOW ITS FRIDAY!?!?! YAY!!



Dear May, Are you not over yet? Dear J, Thank you for having fun lastnight! It was exactly we needed! Dear Landlord, PLEASE corporate... just fill out the stinking paper! Dear KL, Thanks for working with us in all this... please have pity on us :) Dear You, I'm sorry I have to much going on right now to be the super hero... Dear friends, wish we had a teleport so that I could see you guys in GA. Dear Hair, You or may not be cut off today. We shall see :) Dear Friday, Thanks for getting here so quickly! Dear Pixel, You are making it a little difficult to move. Dear Abby, I love you! Dear O & E, Thanks for making Aunt Lala smile yesterday and giving me lots of love <3 Dear J, I love you!
~ Aunt LaLa




1. What advice would you give a couple getting married?

Listen. Communicate. Listen. Listen. Listen. Communicate. Sometimes our spouses need to know we are hearing their hearts, opinions, and hurts. Wether we agree with them or not. 
2. If you could…

Awesome Give Away!

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Stormy over Life's A Dance  is hosting her FIRST give away! Let me tell you its pretty nifty! If you would like to check it out then head over there by clicking HERE :)

Check out this cool stuff!



I  definitely would love these things!!


Happy Blogging!

Needing something...

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OK, I'm posting this video because I'm in need of a reminder how big my God truly is. Now I know that we are all very busy, but this video is absolutely amazing! If you are facing situations that seem so overwhelming, this video will help you put it in perspective. And realize how much God truly loves us!!

Until tomorrow...

Top 5 Tuesday: Guilty Pleasures

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1. Dog the Bounty Hunter... I LOVE this show. I love all the family. I could watch it all the time. They just crack me up! And it makes me mad when people say mean things about them! You don't know them! Wait... I don't either! Moving on!

2. Perfumes, body sprays, lotions... my bathroom is filled with this stuff!! It just doesn't stop with me. Josh owns SEVERAL colognes, lotions, body wash...I love going to perfume stores and smell the colognes! When a man passes me and I smell the cologne I can usually can tell what it is & I get a smile on my face. I'm so strange. 
3. I LOVE french fries! Not just any french fries. McDonald's large fry. People, I would go without to be able to buy a large fry from good ole' Mcd's. Don't waste your time telling me how gross that place is or that they cook with pink goo... Nope, won't stop me. I LOVE them. When I'm upset this is my go to food. Unhealthy much? Yes. Do I care? Nope. :)
4. I'm addicted to Mu…

Abram,I'm sure wasn't feeling it

Not feeling like being at work
Not feeling like looking at one more stinkin apartment
Not feeling like having to sneeze every few mintutes
Not feeling like taking all this stuff to my parents
Not feeling like doing ANY thing

OK, sorry to be so transparent and negative. Usually not my normal. Today I'm just tired. Tired of people who think its ok to lie about others. Tired of packing. Our lease ends May 31st. And its already the 7th and I almost have the whole house packed! HA!

Yeah, can you tell I'm ready to get this over with!

Yesterday it was my turn to teach the older elementary kids. So I decided now that we have been through Christmas & Easter that I'm going to pick up with the next bible story. Which was Abram (later known as Abraham) as I was studying and getting the lesson together it didn't hit me that I'm in Abram's situation.

Not exactly in the same situation. However, I personally believe there is a rhyme and reason to things. And I believe that…

Friday's Letters && FQF

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Dear J, This week has been crazy & I'm thankful that when one is strong the other is a hot mess... we are never a hot mess together. Dear Landlord, NOT happy with you right now. You have lied to us and its caused a huge bit of a problem. Dear God, Thank you for already having a plan. You knew what was going to happen. Dear Financial Aid office, Please fix your emailer. It would have been nice to receive my awards letter. Thanks. Dear In-Laws, Thanks for always trying to make things better. Even if its just with food. Dear Parents, thank you for always wanting to fight for me and with me. Dear O and E, this move is going to break my heart. I'm so used to having you just living right behind me. Dear J, I love you & as long as we have each other with Jesus we SO GOT THIS! Right? :) Dear God, thank you for providing as always. Seeing my tears. Giving me strength. Dear May, I just want you to be over with. So I can be in my new home moved and unpacking. 







1. What did you wear…

Wheres is Wednesday?

So on Wednesday I usually always blog "What I'm Loving"... But yesterday was a total blur. We were unexpectedly told that our lease was not being renewed and that on May 31st we are to relinquish our keys.

**Insert some crying, confused, stomach hurting, trying not to have a full blown panic attack**

Well we talked to one apartment yesterday they are having an AMAZING move in special ... however we just don't have the money to even take advantage of that. We have not been saving to move... Geeze.

Needless to say I've been out of sorts. I don't like change. And this one is a biggy.

But want to know something amazing???

I checked my school email today, and I've been watching for my awards package. Which I was giving time for the office to get together and not hound them (if you have ever dealt with financial aid sometimes they can DRRAAAGG their feet).


Back to checking email: I seen that I had a receipt. Which made me confused because it was a receipt for …

Top 5 Tuesday!

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This is my FIRST post for Top 5 Tuesday and I'm super excited! So here it goes...

Topic: Best Things About Summer

1. I'm going to the beach in August!  I don't care if I have to eat pb&js or roman noodles the whole week...  I will just eat it on the beach :)
2. Pools open!!  I LOVE swimming,  in face the hubs and make frequent trip to  indoor pools
3. That we BOTH have jobs!  Last summer kind of stunk after the hubs got laid  off at the beginning of summer EEEK!
4. Flip-flops..  I wear these things until I absolutely can't.  They are the most comfortable shoe!
5. Its not until September -  but thats right after summer...  Our church's ladies retreat. CAN NOT WAIT! 
Head over to Just Peachy for Top 5 Tuesday!

Happy Blogging!