14 days...

I just keep thinking only a few 14 days ago I realized I was pregnant and lost our baby all the same day. Unfortunately not in that order. I feel so full of raw emotion. The hurt never leaves. I am disappointed that some who I consider so close to me haven't said one thing. Not even I'm sorry.

Mind you I realize that some are at a loss for words. But sometimes a simple, "I'm sorry" - "How are you doing" - "praying for you"... Those things help. I don't need your counsel, I don't need you to act like it never happened either. Because every time there is a smile on my face my heart is still hurting.

Maybe its just the way I am, but even when I see someone hurting I don't know I try at least offer some kind of comfort. Even when its uncomfortable. I think when we are proclaiming to follow Christ we must get out of our comfort zone.

It's not easy for me to be so transparent on here, however, it helps me to write and a women might come across this blog. She might not feel alone, or be comforted in some way.

I'm not trying to offend, I'm just hurting. This is how I feel at the moment. Disappointed. Hurt. Sad. and today's new emotion, anger.

I'm so thankful to have our new home to concentrate on. Then I feel guilty for not thinking about or crying over our baby. We are moving from the place where I was pregnant with him/her. Even though not the most beautiful of memories, they are the only ones I have of the baby. That is difficult.  I'm tired of feeling guilty for being sad. I know its my own guilt fortunately no one has told me to get over it. Not sure how I would react to that.

So today, is chalked up to a sad/angry  day. I know tomorrow will be anew.

Please pray for Josh and I. The conflicting emotion through all these events and transitions is obviously tiring.


For (A)His anger is but for a moment,
His (B)favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may (C)last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.
Psalms 30:5

Comments

  1. Lauren you and Josh are in my prayers. Just know these are normal emotions you are feeling - it's all part of the grieving process. Give yourself time to feel them and work through them. There is no set time where you wake up one day and feel "normal" again. I know I'm really far away, but I'm always here if you need to talk.

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  2. I don't know if this will help or not Lauren but there is a site called miscarriageassociation.org
    I copied the following of just some of the articles I was reading because I sure wouldn't want to say the wrong thing and make you and Josh feel even worse than you do....Love you, grams


    Many people find other people’s sadness hard to cope with and talk about.

    Your parents and your partner’s parents may be mourning the loss of their grandchild and worrying about you at the same time. They may not know what to say or do – and end up saying the wrong things even though they mean well. They may have mixed feelings if someone else in the family is pregnant or has a new baby.

    Some people will avoid talking about your miscarriage at all. They may worry about reminding you of your loss when you’re trying to get over it. Or they may just feel very uncomfortable – just as people sometimes do in any other bereavement.

    Some people may try to cheer you up in the hope that you will get back to normal more quickly. They may reassure you with stories of others who had several miscarriages and then had a baby; or if you have a child or children, they might suggest that you should be grateful for this. (You might be – but that doesn’t necessarily make you feel any better.)


    Sadly, some people will just not understand what your loss means to you. But you may be fortunate to know or find people who – sometimes quite unexpectedly – turn out to be totally understanding and very supportive.

    Do remember that you can always find support at the Miscarriage Association. Our staff, volunteers and online forum members are all people who will help you through.

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  3. Wow, I had no idea Lauren. I know how much you are hurting, I wish I cold give you a big hug and cry with you for a while. I love you.

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  4. The emotions are a natural part of the grieving process. I'm so sorry that I hadn't written before now. I haven't even been on my blog or other blogs in a long time, just so much of life happening I haven't felt like writing much. I didn't even know about your baby until I finally got on facebook and read your post. So again, I'm so sorry sweetie for all your pain, I know God will bring you through this time and you will help and encourage many other moms who travel this same road. Love you girl.

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