Monday, April 10, 2017

It Takes Three

I hope somehow these post about marriage have helped you or maybe remind you of what you may need to revisit in your own marriage.

It has reminded me of some of the most important things that are needed for a happy and healthy marriage.

I have had four post and this makes my fifth.

The four post covered...

This last post will wrap up the Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage... for now 

I really feel like marriage is not promoted in our culture.

Instead we have a "Try it on" mentality. Live with the person first. Then if you don't like them... well it is easy just break up.

But being in a marriage...having that commitment is sacred. It is a life commitment. Until death do you part.

Sometimes...marriages do not work out.

Someone said something to me who did not get that happy ending all us girls dream about.

"God hates divorce. Hates it. Do you know why? Because of all the destruction. It is havoc on relationships. It has lasting effect forever. It is painful. It creates un-forgiveness"

I thought about how true this is. I have seen so many couples have children and break-up/divorce. It is so tough. It is heartbreaking. The pain that goes with divorce can have lifelong devastating effects.

None of these things I've written about are 'fool proof' to making a marriage work. But one thing I know is 100% 'fool proof' is God.

I have seen God take a marriage that was broken, crumbling...and make whole once again.

But it took BOTH husband and wife making God first and allowing him to heal them both.

It took work.

If there is only one post that you really take heed to then please let it be this one.

God has to be number one in your life.

More important than your spouse...and even our children.

Without having a personal relationship with God where you are working on yourself, and being the best you...relationships can become awfully muddled.

Only God can do damage control to heal a marriage of infidelity, lying, abuse...

(Just a side note- I am not saying stay for abuse or infidelity... I am saying if you make a choice to stay there HAS to be God in the middle of it for there to be true healing and change. And other important steps to make sure everyone is safe)

A true commitment to your marriage has to start with a commitment to God. 

My commitment to God enhances my marriage.

Because God enhances our character, he builds our character, gives us lessons on love and just name a few

All these are extremely important to your marriage.

Pray together. It is so important to pray together. 

Almost every night since Ethan was born we all three pray together. It is apart of our nightly routine. 

Ethan knows to plant his sweet little hand in ours (sometimes along with the monkeys, or giraffes, and maybe a Paw Patrol character or two)

We are teaching Ethan. He is watching us. 

I learned from watching my parents that God has to be apart of your marriage. I've seen my parents marriage come back from a very, very broken place. 

This year they celebrate 33 years of marriage! 

How great is that!? 

But it took God and only God... and some will power to work it out. 

It is not a secret that my love for God is a priority to me. 

God has been so good to me and my family. My son is a living breathing miracle...he is one of many in my family. 

I just don't claim to be a Christian. Following Christ is my life. Its my center, my cornerstone, my core. 

If you want a great relationship... with anyone...start there. With Jesus. 

All my Love,
Aunt LaLa

P.S. Go like my Aunt LaLa Facebook page! I am going to be doing a live feed video this week and would love to chat!

Monday, April 3, 2017

I want it MY way

Hi everyone!

So this is our fourth installment of Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage...

I hope you are enjoying these.

Today's topic - compromise.

In my personal opinion the reason we do not compromise is because of pride.

Pride can be our downfall in so many ways. In all of our relationships.

Scripture talks about pride alot.

Recently I taught our youth group and we talked about respect.  Sometimes when we are disrespectful it is because we are holding on to our pride.

James 4:6 says "But he gives us more grace. That is why scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble"

Jesus was the ambassador for grace.

God warns us about pride throughout the bible.

It is a dangerous characteristic.

I've touched on it briefly and today I'm going to focus on how pride can snuff out your marriage.

When you are joining two people together it is difficult. You both have your own quirks, pet peeves, habits, hobbies...

The list goes on.

You MUST compromise.

I am not talking about small things (those are definitely important) but the big stuff.

There was a time that I was extremely jealous of Josh's PlayStation. I was getting mad about it ALOT. We had arguments daily about his gaming time. 

I felt ignored. And that machine was more important than I was. 

I grew angrier. I would lash out and make jabs at Josh. 

At this point we had been married for three years. And we had been through quite a bit. 

Job loss. Family problems. Death. Car accidents. 

This one thing was tearing us apart. 

But we both were struggling with wanting our own way. Pride was getting in the way. Neither wanted to compromise. 

The deeper issue was I was feeling neglected. Josh was not doing a good job of showing me attention or making me feel special. 

Josh was feeling demanded, he felt he was not being heard just talked at, he thought I was being unreasonable. 

I would always ask,"What I am supposed to do while you play?". I would say I did not care if he played some, but then no time was ever good enough for me. 

What did we do? 

Well after one night of me trying to talk to him about something he was giving me one word answers. I stopped talking and sighing loudly. I may have slammed a cabinet door or two. 

He paid no attention. Well then I lost my temper. 

Remember in "What Did You Say?" I wrote about our rules. 

Well my friends I broke several that night. 

I yelled, took digs, and was very sarcastic. At one point my words were "If you don't get off that stupid PlayStation it is going out the window!" And meant it. 

While we were arguing (And J got mad I called his PlayStation stupid...LOL) we at some point realized we were letting this ridiculous game console divide us. 

I am not sure where the anger ended and the tears came but they did. Then there were apologies. From both of us. 

I was finally communicating how I was feeling and admitting that I had been unreasonable.

Josh admitted to being "slightly" addicted to his game console... and he was not spending quality time with me. 

So, we started a plan. Our compromise which still stands now. 

First we decided that our downtime would be spent after we finished dinner and talked. And did the chores

Second, when he played I would read. I am an avid reader. I escape and block out everything. 

Third, we created a time limit. 

This was our compromise.  And it worked. Unfortunately I think too many couples ignore our addictions to the electronics. Facebook brought a similar addiction, but since we already had established some compromises we were able to navigate J telling me I was spending too much time on Facebook a little easier. 

Maybe these do not seem like a big deal. But if you keep adding more and more pressures to your marriage and just shoving things under the rug you either grow really bitter, divorce, not reach your full potential as a couple. 

I for one am not one who likes to settle. I want God's best. 

I believe marriage was created to be enjoyed. And full of life and joy. 

You have to start with you. 

In Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility. Value others above yourself" 

I had to let my pride fall and really hear what Josh was saying. 

He had to let his pride fall and really hear the need I had. 

We have compromised on so, so many things. But this one was tough. And one I was willing to share. 

Have to keep some stuff 

It is so important to not let pride snuff out your love. 

Apologize. Love. Love. And be humble. 

Is it really worth your marriage? Or your relationship? 

I've had to compromise not only with Josh, but with family and friends. Sometimes you have to just apologize and realize it is not worth it... To have my own way. 

As always I am here if you need me....

All my love, 
Aunt LaLa

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Little Bit

 Just a little update on how we are doing...

I've noticed in this journey of miscarriage and infertility people are generally afraid to ask questions or bring it up.

Afraid it will be awkward or make us sad.

Let me say first, it is okay to ask. We want to talk about Little Bit. The baby was apart of us no matter how short the time.

We loved our sweet Little Bit. We would rather feel sadness and talk about the baby, then feel like people have forgotten.

That to me has been tough.

I know no one is going to grieve the way we do... its tough thinking no one remembers.

J is right here with me. Grieving too. People often forget that the dad grieves too.

J and I have been on a long journey toward growing our family. Having E gave us this false sense of hope that we would not loose a baby because we were successful getting and staying pregnant with E.

We were unfortunately blind sided by the still small image on the screen.

In saying all this we are having more better days. Less crying. When one feels down the other lifts them up.

We are excited and celebrating new life with those around us and are so excited for our loved who are expecting or who now have a newborn baby in their arms!

I even got hold the one month old last week. It was heaven. There is nothing like little baby slobbers and cuddles...and you know what I did not cry or feel a great sense of loss.

And that my friends was a victory!

We desperately want another baby... but just not ready for that journey at the moment.

It is okay to talk about babies with us, its okay to be excited around us, and its okay to talk or ask us about Little Bit.

So my readers... we are well! And we are so thankful for the friends and family that God has blessed us with.

God is still good and still faithful. He is teaching us and molding us even in this time of grief.

All my love, 
Aunt LaLa