So this is our fourth installment of Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage...
I hope you are enjoying these.
Today's topic - compromise.
In my personal opinion the reason we do not compromise is because of pride.
Pride can be our downfall in so many ways. In all of our relationships.
Scripture talks about pride alot.
Recently I taught our youth group and we talked about respect. Sometimes when we are disrespectful it is because we are holding on to our pride.
James 4:6 says "But he gives us more grace. That is why scripture says: "God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble"
Jesus was the ambassador for grace.
God warns us about pride throughout the bible.
It is a dangerous characteristic.
I've touched on it briefly and today I'm going to focus on how pride can snuff out your marriage.
When you are joining two people together it is difficult. You both have your own quirks, pet peeves, habits, hobbies...
The list goes on.
You MUST compromise.
I am not talking about small things (those are definitely important) but the big stuff.
There was a time that I was extremely jealous of Josh's PlayStation. I was getting mad about it ALOT. We had arguments daily about his gaming time.
I felt ignored. And that machine was more important than I was.
I grew angrier. I would lash out and make jabs at Josh.
At this point we had been married for three years. And we had been through quite a bit.
Job loss. Family problems. Death. Car accidents.
This one thing was tearing us apart.
But we both were struggling with wanting our own way. Pride was getting in the way. Neither wanted to compromise.
The deeper issue was I was feeling neglected. Josh was not doing a good job of showing me attention or making me feel special.
Josh was feeling demanded, he felt he was not being heard just talked at, he thought I was being unreasonable.
I would always ask,"What I am supposed to do while you play?". I would say I did not care if he played some, but then no time was ever good enough for me.
What did we do?
Well after one night of me trying to talk to him about something he was giving me one word answers. I stopped talking and sighing loudly. I may have slammed a cabinet door or two.
He paid no attention. Well then I lost my temper.
Remember in "What Did You Say?" I wrote about our rules.
Well my friends I broke several that night.
I yelled, took digs, and was very sarcastic. At one point my words were "If you don't get off that stupid PlayStation it is going out the window!" And meant it.
While we were arguing (And J got mad I called his PlayStation stupid...LOL) we at some point realized we were letting this ridiculous game console divide us.
I am not sure where the anger ended and the tears came but they did. Then there were apologies. From both of us.
I was finally communicating how I was feeling and admitting that I had been unreasonable.
Josh admitted to being "slightly" addicted to his game console... and he was not spending quality time with me.
So, we started a plan. Our compromise which still stands now.
First we decided that our downtime would be spent after we finished dinner and talked. And did the chores
Second, when he played I would read. I am an avid reader. I escape and block out everything.
Third, we created a time limit.
This was our compromise. And it worked. Unfortunately I think too many couples ignore our addictions to the electronics. Facebook brought a similar addiction, but since we already had established some compromises we were able to navigate J telling me I was spending too much time on Facebook a little easier.
Maybe these do not seem like a big deal. But if you keep adding more and more pressures to your marriage and just shoving things under the rug you either grow really bitter, divorce, not reach your full potential as a couple.
I for one am not one who likes to settle. I want God's best.
I believe marriage was created to be enjoyed. And full of life and joy.
You have to start with you.
In Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility. Value others above yourself"
I had to let my pride fall and really hear what Josh was saying.
He had to let his pride fall and really hear the need I had.
We have compromised on so, so many things. But this one was tough. And one I was willing to share.
Have to keep some stuff private...smile.
It is so important to not let pride snuff out your love.
Apologize. Love. Love. And be humble.
Is it really worth your marriage? Or your relationship?
I've had to compromise not only with Josh, but with family and friends. Sometimes you have to just apologize and realize it is not worth it... To have my own way.
As always I am here if you need me....
All my love,