Aunt LaLa

I am not one of them. That was my thought as I sat a Panera. I chuckled to myself thinking it was not that long ago that I was giggly and a little less scared by life. When you talk to, or watch people alot younger than you, I would imagine this at any age, you take notice in the things that are different. I know it may sound dramatic...but isn't that what writing is anyway. A little drama goes a long way... it drags the reader in... captivates them by what will happen next. People watching probably is one of my favorite things to do. At this point I feel like I am more wired this way naturally. ' Noticing what people are doing or not doing...what their body language is tends to register in my mind. I notice small things. Tones. Looks. Subtle reactions. My intuition is usually on point. So I notice when things change. My roll in life has changed. I am in my early thirties, in my mind I am still the awkward girl who trips over her own feet right in front of t...

Before I get into my muse what do you think of the new look??   My mind is more confused now as to why people sometimes have children to "fix" or enhance their relationship. If you know J and I personally or have been around Aunt LaLa for a while you know how much we love one another and how hard we work at having a healthy marriage. Marriage is one of the greatest and scariest commitments you can make. Josh and I celebrated our eight year anniversary today. Eight years! And in year three we decided we were ready to start trying to get pregnant. We had no idea what a journey we would be taking in trying to grow our family. In year seven it happened! We had a baby! What a miracle, our baby boy. I thought I was prepared for everything... as much as I could be. But what I was not prepared for was how having our miracle took a toll on my marriage. Wow.  I was felt so disconnected to J. It literally broke my heart.  First we went through a...

Here we are at the beginning of the holiday season! Time is just zooming around right along with my boy who zooming everywhere walking... Change is tough. Really tough... But I am writing about change on the tail end of my season of change. We have settled into our new home, new roles, and a different life than we had known before our boy. It is much easier to say "everything is going well" now that we have been doing this for more than a year. I cannot believe I just typed that! As a family we have made some difficult decisions on the behalf of Ethan and what is best for him. As of May of this year we decided it was best for me to stay home with Ethan for the time being. We have had to make sacrifices and our budget is extremely tight. It was also a great fit for me.  After having Ethan I had some serious Postpartum Depression. But that is for another post...  This last year has been amazing, stressful, but there has just been so much love.  ...

Life is full of things you can never prepare for. We all make plans, goals, dream about the future... In reality, we do not know what is going to happen tomorrow or in the next moment. When the enemy drags us down and keep us in the dark places of bitterness, anger, discontent, depression, grief, negativity... we miss out. We miss out on laughs and good times because we are so consumed with our junk. Do we really want to live like that? I do not. But have you ever noticed how easy it is to get to that place and stay there? How it is so hard to get back that happiness? Ever sat down and thought about that? Maybe I am a different breed (smile) but I think a lot. I'm super aware of my decisions and emotions. Most of the time that is not a bad thing, but when I allow myself to get in those previous mentioned dark places it is certainly NOT a good thing. There has been so many words of wisdom I've heard over the weekend.  Through other women and through the Holy Spir...

I'm not sure where, who, what...I've never been here in this season of my life. I've never been 28 (almost) I've never been a college graduate (almost) I've never been so confused about what to do with my life...  Frustrating to say the least when I feel like totally abandoning all my plans because they are just not what I want anymore as far as career wise and my education. It is just seeming a little overwhelming.  I've aspired to be this great blogger, but I have not blogged like I've wanted.  Honestly getting on here talking about my soul searching has not really seemed appealing to me. I guess because I am not sure what to write! LOL  I have had everything planned out... but my parents were right it seems, the older you get the less you know or have figured out.  I keep thinking about graduating. What will I do with my life? What do I really want to do?  I've always struggled with the what I want to do compared to wha...