Yesterday my heart ached for our baby so desperately. I first started my morning with a professor who is about as far as I would be right now with our precious one. Then something was mentioned about Sunday being a baby dedication for our dear friends.
I was fine until Praise and Worship last night. I think because when I worship its with my heart and soul. Of course it opens yourself up emotionally and thats when the dam broke.
I was just hit with a wall of pain. So painful I could hardly breathe. At one point I was crying so hard I fought the temptation just to RUN! I just kept pouring my heart out to Jesus and at times just listening.
Grief is a funny thing. You think your ok and your healing... then BAM..
My heart is broke. I miss our baby so much that at times I can't think. I am healing. And I am making it.But last night was one of those nights I just wish I had my baby.
I want to cuddle her.
Kiss her face.
Hug her close.
Sing to her.
I don't have those things. I won't have those things. She went to Heaven before me.
I don't have answers. I have a faith in a God that gives me strength. And I realize my finite mind can not understand his infinite one.
So here is this song. I don't know why it was comforting it just was. So until tomorrow...