I am DETERMINED

I am determined to be a good mother... like my mom

I have always dreamed about being a mommy. I mommied my cousins, my younger brother (still do sometimes), even my older sister. I was the one who reminded everyone of the rules, comforted them when they were in trouble or sad.

I want to just point out as I get older and I am entering this new season I am appretiating my mother more than I ever have.

When I got married and was learning to be a wife, I got a new perspective looking at my mom.

Now with Ethan coming... there is a drive inside of me that says "Protect that baby"

Growing up my mom would say frequently how she loved being a mom. That she loved her kids.

 I can remember when Susan Smith murdered her children in the 1990s. I can still see in my mind the news program when she begged the "person" who had them to bring the home. Then I remember the day when the news came that she had actually drowned her children. My mothers face was mortified then it turned to sadness. I remember her just praying aloud for the family and being so upset that a mother could do that. Hugging both my brother and I more frequently that day.

My mothers heart is a TRUE mothers heart. From correction, to hugs and kisses.

When I was about 12-14 years of age my mom and I went through such a rough spot. She was going through some tough things and so was I, our whole family was. There was not much communication and lots of hurt feelings. One night at a ladies meeting the speaker was talking about unforgiveness. Later on I went to the speaker and told her how angry and hurt I was at my mom, that I didn't want to feel that way. From across the room my mother heard my whispered words. I'm convinced God wanted to my mom to hear my words. After talking to the speaker mom motioned for me to come and sit by her.

The pin my mom gave me

My mom, in a humbled teary voice asked for my forgiveness. Explaining to me that she loved me more than herself and that she would try harder. In the same loving voice asked grace and understanding from me. I promised to do better too. Then mom gave me a pin to wear. She told me to wear it and remember that she will ALWAYS love me.

From that night on mom and I have been close. There were still the usual teen and parent conflicts occasionally, but it never was the same.

Now here I am about to embark on this journey, and I can count my mother as one of my closest friends. I can confide in her and trust her. We respect each other.

This woman instilled in me the importance of praising God through every circumstance, to pray about every situation, to put God first, and when I have children be the best mother that I can be. Those children are a gift from God and should be treated as so.

So this post is dedicated to my mother, Kathy. I love you!