The Fog
Whew!! That was ROUGH!
Our sweet girl is about to be nine months (insert momma crying hysterically)...
Literally the day she turned six months it felt like the sun came out and the fog moved away. Like taking a breath of fresh air.
Like a days and days of cold, cold rain.
Then you wake up because the SUN is shining in your face, the clouds moved on.
My FOG was gone!!
You know I have heard so many times that each pregnancy is different.
And it was.
I've been told each delivery is different.
And it was.
But for whatever reason I never thought about postpartum being different.
I prepared myself mentally and emotionally (I wrote about my postpartum depression HERE). I talked to my Dr. about it. I was READY!
Well... I WAS NOT ready (Face ---> Palm)
Josh and I talked about warning signs and what our plan was.
We talked about how we were going to transition in our relationship and how we were going to handle Ethan's jealousy.
Did you know I like control am a planner?
Our delivery with Esther was insanely different! I mean. WOW! I was able to experience a pretty typical cesarean and recovery. She was healthy and did not have any problems (except for breastfeeding, where we struggled from the beginning)
So I was feeling pretty confident about postpartum.
I shake my head now, because I did not know what was going to happen to my brain.
Esther was about two weeks old and I was experiencing horrible panic attacks for no reason. Just pure hormones coursing through my body.
Josh literally had to sit right next to me.
I was also dealing with feelings of failure... because breastfeeding was not working for us.
My body was not producing enough and my baby was losing weight.
FED IS BEST.
So while we were supplimenting I was working on my milk supply.
But after three grueling weeks and lots of tears my milk was gone. Nothing. Nada.
Thanks body.
But Esther was thriving and gaining weight. That was most important.
Post-partum is no joke. And really should not involve any judgement.
It is so tough. When you have a baby, even if you aren't new at it. it is an adjustment.
So be kind.
And know you are not alone. Don't feel shame. REACH out for help. We aren't meant to do life alone <3
All my love,
LaLa
Aww our beautiful Esther, handsome Ethan! I did have Grandma "postpartum" ,the 9 months of watching joy and struggles of granddaughters pregnancy, then the worries about the birth going as planned. I guess it wasn't really "postpartum" but the anxiety and worries those nine months and worries after! Waiting patiently for everyone to tell an old woman that all is well after each check up, birth, baby is well, momma is well,.... really should have a name, don't you think?? Pregnancy of a loved one that you are really close to, takes a toll! I am glad your feeling much better and so thankful for Josh! Your a strong woman even when you feel weak! Motherhood is great!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, especially if you have as many as you do to worry about. I love you, thank you for always loving all of us so much!
DeleteThis was definitely rough to get through but we made it babe and I am so proud of you!
ReplyDeleteI love you
DeleteOh girl, I love this post and so needed it! You know I have been going through many of the same feelings and anxieties. It is exhausting! And I am reaching my breaking point on breastfeeding. Having to pump all the time just is not working out so well, and no matter what I do, my supply keeps going down. I hate having to supplement so much, but like you said, fed is best. We do what we have to do to care for these little blessings! I know I will reach the point you are in and be both sad that she is growing so fast and happy that I "survived." Love you, friend! Oh and you may not be seeing my blog posts anymore because I changed the website. I am still using the blogger site for most of my personal family posts. It is now oursweetlovestory1.blogspot.com. I have been working on a site at www.oursweetlovestory.com where I hope to do more public writings and posts about motherhood, grief support, travel posts, etc. I hope you will check them out. :-)
ReplyDelete