Moving Forward
I admire my cousin. She lost her husband last year. His birthday was this last month.
In a post she wrote that she wasn't moving on but she was moving forward.
Life continues, it doesn't stop for your crisis, grief, problems, delays... It just goes.
It is really inconsiderate like that.
I think one of the most difficult things to process for me this last season of my life was that very thing- moving forward.
I dug my heels and refused to move until I was ready.
Which trying to do that with a toddler that is one of my greatest joys in life is almost impossible.
I felt guilt for not thinking of Little Bit...Or being happy.
Then there are times when guilt comes because I have not "moved on" or "counted my blessings"
This journey has been more difficult in some ways than losing Hope... And in someways it's been easier
It hurts my heart that I have two babies in Heaven. Not just hurt... Its broken... But it's held together with love.
Wow that does sound cheesy... But it's true.
Love.
Being loved.
Loving others.
Love has been my lifeline.
It's been difficult at times when no one seems to remember Little Bit. Which I know they do... But it's not the same for parents who lost.
Everyone around us is in love with our E.
He just shines so brightly! His personality keeps us laughing.
But there are times when I miss our two little angels.
Times when grief snuffs the laughter I had just moments before
Times when tears pour down my face
I recently took out Little Bit's ultrasound. Held it close.
It is the only tangible thing I have of Little Bit.
Over this last month I've been working on coming to terms with moving forward.
It is tough.
There has been so many emotions to work through.
But last Sunday at the alter I really feel like I was able to heal a little...
Then at Monday night prayer someone shared with me that as I hold and protect Ethan is what my heavenly Father does for me. As I love Ethan is how God loves me...I needed that more than anyone knows.
God loves us more than we can imagine...
There are other things that are moving forward but more on that in another blog.
My love to everyone!
If there is something that I could pray for or stand in agreement please message me!
Xoxo
In a post she wrote that she wasn't moving on but she was moving forward.
Life continues, it doesn't stop for your crisis, grief, problems, delays... It just goes.
It is really inconsiderate like that.
I think one of the most difficult things to process for me this last season of my life was that very thing- moving forward.
I dug my heels and refused to move until I was ready.
Which trying to do that with a toddler that is one of my greatest joys in life is almost impossible.
I felt guilt for not thinking of Little Bit...Or being happy.
Then there are times when guilt comes because I have not "moved on" or "counted my blessings"
This journey has been more difficult in some ways than losing Hope... And in someways it's been easier
It hurts my heart that I have two babies in Heaven. Not just hurt... Its broken... But it's held together with love.
Wow that does sound cheesy... But it's true.
Love.
Being loved.
Loving others.
Love has been my lifeline.
It's been difficult at times when no one seems to remember Little Bit. Which I know they do... But it's not the same for parents who lost.
Everyone around us is in love with our E.
He just shines so brightly! His personality keeps us laughing.
But there are times when I miss our two little angels.
Times when grief snuffs the laughter I had just moments before
Times when tears pour down my face
I recently took out Little Bit's ultrasound. Held it close.
It is the only tangible thing I have of Little Bit.
Over this last month I've been working on coming to terms with moving forward.
It is tough.
There has been so many emotions to work through.
But last Sunday at the alter I really feel like I was able to heal a little...
Then at Monday night prayer someone shared with me that as I hold and protect Ethan is what my heavenly Father does for me. As I love Ethan is how God loves me...I needed that more than anyone knows.
God loves us more than we can imagine...
There are other things that are moving forward but more on that in another blog.
My love to everyone!
If there is something that I could pray for or stand in agreement please message me!
Xoxo
As i sit here with tears pouring down my face thinking of my grands in heaven i have a heart full of sadness, not getting to kiss and hold. It does however make me realize its just another thing heaven holds for me. It makes me more determined to strive for heaven. Seeing you grieve has tore me to pieces and as i prayed for you at the alter and God reminded of the day i dedicated you, God assured me he still has you in his hands. I am thankfully amazed how he knows what we need. I love you baby girl and i am one proud nom!
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