Thursday, March 30, 2017

Warning: Rant ahead

My post on here, my personal Facebook, my Instagram account almost never hold a rant. 

There is this stigma that really gets under my skin. 

I lost my baby at six weeks and one day. And I am grieving. It is hard.

No that does not make my love any less for E. 

No his everyday smiles does not some how magically erase my broken heart. (It sure helps me smile though)

No I am not reveling in the past but mourning a child... that I already had dreamed of. Made plans for. Decided on a name if it was a girl. 

No I am not being dramatic. 

If you know me at all the desire to be a mother has been strong in my heart since childhood. 

So to loose something you so desperately want is heartbreaking. 

It does not take away from my faith, or mean I don't trust in God. 

It does mean I am questioning and asking why? 

It does mean that I get angry. And feel I have been dealt an unfair hand. 

It does mean that when I walk into Kroger and see a new born baby sometimes I try with all my might not sob as I shop for my family. 

There are times when I take out my ultrasound and just weep. 

And ALL of this is okay. Grief is a journey. 

Guess what?

I have a therapist. And I value my time going to spend talking to her. 

I embrace personal growth

No, that does not mean I am crazy. 

It means that I need a non-judgmental and unbiased person to listen and help me work through what ever I am going through. 

There is nothing wrong with that. 

Dealing with my emotions and experiences has made me a better wife, mother, and a better person in general.

Why do you think we have so many unhealthy relationships, bad parenting, generational abuse, generational addiction, and so on... 

Because as a whole our society is not mentally healthy... or even have to the tools to cope with life. 

We still live in a world that has the stigma of mental health and counseling. 

We are considered dramatic? Crazy? Weak? Faithless?

I am just so frustrated by this mindset. 

It hurts my heart to see people take their lives instead of reaching out. 

Last week alone I heard of three..THREE... young people that succeeded in taking their own lives and one who attempted and is now in ICU. 

When you bury your emotions and feelings... they will come out somehow. And not in a positive way. 

I am not saying that you have to get professional help. Just talk to someone. Get it out. Have a good cry. 

Sometimes in life we faced with a crises, we are faced with big decisions...embracing personal growth is a great thing. 

To anyone who has scoffed, rolled your eyes, passed judgment on some one who has had a miscarriage or is grieving and wants to talk about it ... 

Or

To anyone who passes judgment on someone who getting help for their mental well being... 

I say to you...evaluate your heart.

When I started this post I was writing in anger and now my heart is sad at the small mindedness that our society has when it comes to this. 

I guess my rant is over... Smile

I hope everyone is having a great week! 

Look out for another post on Monday on Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage 

All My Love,
Aunt LaLa

4 comments:

  1. Talk it out! Cry it out! Pray it out! Not everyone handles grief, broken hearts, pain, or any life crisis in the same way! If you feel your not getting better, get help! Reach out! Love you Lala! Your right to overcome the crisis! Love you

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  2. I hate that you (and I and others who live with grief) have to deal with an insensitive society who do not understand our pain. It is one thing to not understand and just stay silent and another thing to tell a person they should be "over it already" or says anything about mental health issues. I was born to and spent my earliest years with a single mother with emotional and mental health issues. I am glad she sought help and is still living and wasn't one of those sad examples that take their own life and give up. You have been one of the most solid understanding and empathetic person in my life even while going through your own grief and pain. That is strength right there. My heart grieves with you over the loss of your two babies and your infertility struggles. You are such a beautiful wife and mother and a true example of a Proverbs 31 woman. I am so glad to know you!

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  3. You have to care enough about your own well being to get the help you need. So many people sweep their emotions under the rug and never get help, they just live with the torment all their lives. I'm proud of you baby!

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  4. Life is worth living and death is also worth eternity. So for you not to be bitter, you also must be willing to leave this earthly body, to receive a eternal outcome.
    Here is my thoughts and trust me they are only words coming out of my brain guided into this short message from the holy spirit. When you lose something so valuable as a child, you don't look at others asking why they don't value theirs.
    You cherish yours and give all you have to society without the bitterness. I say kindness, compassion and gratitude with a loving heart and a loving spirit. Please know that living life with grace and love for all is the only way to get through in survival mode. Your heart aches, I know this is painful and that healing takes place within your soul only by the grace of God. You must not strive for what others do or say, only what you can do or say to change the lives of others. Changing your inner self takes place by changing your out look at how you live and how you act around others. Be a role model for others, keep them shinning and smiling for the world is harsh enough without grumbles or bitterness for what you don't have.

    I love you and will send you healing right away. xoxoxox

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