One of the Most Important Decisions of My Life

This post is straight from heart and is painful to share... this is not only for my married readers but for my single readers as well. 

I remember when I was 14 and starting writing in a journal to my future husband.

I guess I've always been a romantic and my love for Disney probably didn't help.

To me the person I was going to marry was one of the most important people I would ever meet.

Marriage to me was/is something sacred, important, it would effect my life forever.

It was also something God had created. To join a man and a women together to form a team to work for him. To be companions for each other.

What God had and has planned for me has been important to me...A priority.

I knew what I wanted. I made a list. I petitioned God for about 9 years for my husband. I prayed for him.

My list:
Had to have a one on one relationship with God. Had to be a lifestyle.
Treated his family with respect and love
Filled with the Holy Spirit and believe in the gifts of the spirit
Had to be employed
Either in college or graduated from college
Be ambitious

That is about all I can remember at the moment... which was a tall list. 

But I was determined. 

I made up my mind to date with purpose and not just be with someone to fill time

I made a commitment to keep my body only for my husband which included kissing, hand holding, ect. 

I was ridiculed by friends, scoffed at by family. 

Insulted. Bullied. 

My beliefs and conviction were not taken seriously, and I could see the eye rolls when I would talk passionately about them. 

It shaped many of my insecurities as child, teen, and now an adult. 

It was a lonely time in my life to be set apart from what culture has deemed acceptable. 

Movies told me to follow my heart. Family told me have fun now before I am tied down. "Friends" left me out and found me peculiar. 

There was a time in my life where there was someone I had feelings for. And I followed my heart and allowed my self to become emotionally involved with. Letting my self be treated as second best and I deserved better. My heart ended up being broken.

During this time I did not listen to wise counsel. I did not see the "red flags" that should have been clear to me. I abandoned my commitment to standards that I and everyone woman deserves. 

Honestly, my young heart wanted to be accepted. and Loved. 

One day I woke up and realized that I needed to LIVE. To have a life that was not about everyone else. 

A life that was about loving me and allowing God to show me how he seen me, his daughter. 

I decided to go to college. 

I started to research and call... finding out how I was going to even begin this new adventure. 

I rid my life of people that were having a negative impact on my life. 

I am proud of my journey during that time. Really proud. God moved mountains for me. 

God began to heal my heart.

Loneliness my friends can really lead you down a path of destruction. So does not being patient. 

My heart was not ready to accept the love of my life until I was ready to love myself. 

So, the one of the most important decision of my life was... to love myself. 

Not in a selfish way. But in a way God loves me. I deserve to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. 

I needed friends who were true friends that stood with me and encouraged me. 

So, a really important key to a happy and healthy marriage: Love yourself. Have a standard. Don't settle.

By the way when I met Josh... he met EVERY single thing on my list. And if any of those naysayers read this post. He is the only man I have ever held hands with, kissed, and or have slept with. I did it. I don't regret one thing. I have had plenty of fun 😜😜

I hope you are enjoying these tidbits. But I am not a marriage or relationship counselor and if your finding yourself hopeless, or your relationship in trouble. Get help. Go talk to some one. 

I will continue this series. But there are other things I want to write about as well.  So I may publish these Keys to a Happy and Healthy Marriage post on Mondays. 

Remember I am always here... message me on my Aunt Lala Facebook page, or email me (auntlala25) at Gmail.

All my love, 
Aunt LaLa


  1. It's not always easy to wait on God for answered prayers but I am glad you did! I can't even begin to express how proud of you I am for always putting God first! I love you with all my heart!! Love grams

  2. Wow that was so good and explained a lot about why I love you so much. I admire your decision so much. I think we are a lot alike and appreciate deep faith and commitment to God and our family. Loving oneself is a life long lesson. And as you said, it can be so hard when we measure ourselves by the world instead of as God sees us. When "friends" didn't want the deeper friendship I offered and craved, I thought that was my fault. I battled with depression and hurt feelings all through childhood and even still. When I don't feel that people care, I think it is something wrong with me that makes me unlovable. Then, I remember that the world is selfish and only cares about itself. I have to search within and seek God to have the love and fulfillment my heart craves. Thank you for sharing this. You may have given me blog material as well. ;-)


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