Thoughtful Thursday

Yes, here it is again "Thoughtful Thursday" ...

As I fight the feelings to blog in this day, I remind myself, 'Lauren, you started Thoughtful Thursday'...

*Smile* Yes I know. But you see I am a master of  "Pushdownism". Yes, this condition is unlike any other. You see this particular condition is when someone who analyzes, is sensitive, carries everyone weight- they go about life with so much feeling and passion but try to push it down  because sometimes its just to hard to face those real emotions. This is dangerous you see because usually what happens is after taking care of EVERYONE else they don't deal with what has made them angry, upset, hurt, disappointed... the list goes on, this persons spouse notices and asks what wrong, that my friends is when the dam breaks...

Well introducing the #1 lady with "Pushdownism"... ME!! Yes, I suffer from this. One of the prayers I pray often is that God would help me love like him, let my actions be pleasing to him. Well obviously to love or act like Christ we must have have his heart. Well that means cleaning out all the 'junk'. Sometimes that junk is selfishness, anger, laziness, ect. So while I'm on this journey to allow God to change me I have to face things I don't want to.... did you here that "I don't want to!!!" that was my 4 year old self pitching a fit! HAHA!

No seriously, I want to be a better person. But sometimes I want to hide. Which I think is pretty normal when facing certain things that make you feel very vulnerable. This week has been one of those times where I have fought anger and selfishness. I want to just sit in my cozy home and have a self pity party. I know I can't do that. Its not what God would have me do.

My desire to be better, to continue to strive to be the woman of God that is in his plan pushes me pass the place where I'm letting my selfish wants cloud my view. Is is it hard? yes... and sometimes I know I will fail. But I just have to pick myself back up and try again.

I'm so thankful to have a husband that pushes me to talk. He doesn't accept my "I'm fine" answers. Usually I get irritated at first but then I break down and tell him whats on my heart. After I do we pray together and I feel so much better, you wonder why I just don't do that in the first place... I have no idea why? It baffles me every time! *smile*

So, I guess on this "Thoughtful Thursday" I would say to my fellow "Pushdownism"buddies, talk to someone. Don't ignore your feelings. Face them and deal with them. Even when its the most painful. Its ok to be human. We aren't perfect and we were not meant to carry everyone else's load above our own. Thats God's job, he carries your burdens and he carries theirs.

1 Peter 5:7
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you"

Matthew 11: 28-30
"28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Your in my prayers, as I hope I'm in yours =)


  1. 8am and your thinking this deep??!! I am praying for you! Love you


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