I had been keeping a secret from most people that I do not see on a regular basis.
On September 23 I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was so excited, scared, shocked.All sorts of emotions.
We took video of sharing our news with our parents. I was bursting to tell everyone.
But something inside told me to wait. So I did not make an announcement on here or Facebook.
I went to my first ultrasound on September 29 I went in and I was still pretty early (6w1d) and they wanted to see me in two weeks.
So we shared with a few people, asked them to pray.
My body started changing rather quickly and this made me excited.
So today was the day... to see our baby get an official due date and hear our babies heartbeat.
As soon as I seen the sac, I knew.
The baby looked the same size, the sac was only a little bigger.
I felt a rush of anxiousness.
I knew, I just knew.
Josh sat there held my hand.
We both were in shock.
Our "Little Bit" was gone
I just don't have words t…
This post is straight from heart and is painful to share... this is not only for my married readers but for my single readers as well.
I remember when I was 14 and starting writing in a journal to my future husband.
I guess I've always been a romantic and my love for Disney probably didn't help.
To me the person I was going to marry was one of the most important people I would ever meet.
Marriage to me was/is something sacred, important, it would effect my life forever.
It was also something God had created. To join a man and a women together to form a team to work for him. To be companions for each other.
What God had and has planned for me has been important to me...A priority.
I knew what I wanted. I made a list. I petitioned God for about 9 years for my husband. I prayed for him.
Had to have a one on one relationship with God. Had to be a lifestyle.
Treated his family with respect and love
Filled with the Holy Spirit and believe in the gifts of the spirit
I felt like writing this post because as any one who has walked through grief knows that it is UP and DOWN daily
So today was an UP day for me.
Friday night was an ugly night. I was having a good day mostly. Very busy.
I had volunteered at our church's food pantry which I LOVE. I have not been able to because almost everyone in my family works.. so no babysitter.
Had to pick up my gorgeous niece and nephew from school.
But I started to get really sad. I had to tell two more people that we had lost our "little Bit"
Yesterday was two weeks since I had the D and C... it is not like I am trying to focus on dates it is just hard not for that thought of... Tuesday will be three weeks... three weeks since I seen my baby on the ultrasound... and so on. And it was the same with Hope. Those first, the holidays, the milestones.
So last night I was cooking... and I just broke. Ugly, gut wrenching, bending over crying. Trying to hide it from E.
My heart was just hurting and I…