Don't leave me this way...

I'm going to write whats on my heart... 

I'm praying the Lord leads me on what to say. By the way he does have an opinion on everything we do. Not just the BIG stuff, but our daily life. 

I am tired of being the same. I'm tired of being the same Lauren inside. I want better. I want God to change my heart to be more like his. 

I love the song Hillsong sings: 

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

This should be our heart. Crying out to him. 

Honestly, I'm tired of me. I'm tired of the same issues I continue to struggle with. I want to MOVE ON. 

I'm going to be real with you. 

I'm tired of being filled with anxiety about money. 
I'm tired of feeling guilty because I say "No". 
I'm tired of my selfishness. 
I'm tired of my victim mentality. 
I'm tired of being fearful of being hurt. 

We say we want change but we make no effort. We live our life ignore the one who loves us the most. He isn't allowed in our daily life! 

I was feeling so discontented last night. I realized I had not done my devotional or prayed. Shame on me for ignoring the living God all day while he waiting for me to commune with him. He wants a relationship with us. He is with me through out my days and he doesn't have to be. 

He love me freely. I've done NOTHING to earn his love. He just loves me. 

Living in his presence is not easy, it makes you look at your life through his word, being requires you to be unselfish... Thats hard. We have been programed to be just that, Selfish. 

In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' Act 20:35

I'm working on me... the first thing I'm working on is my daily devotions.. being in his presence and setting up a discipline for my self to set a time to read his word, meditate , and pray. 

What is God doing in your life? 
What ways can you change? 

This is a beautiful song 


  1. What a great blog, thanks for being so transparent! I think we all feel tired of ourselves at some point and feel like we are sick of the same old thing but I guess thats probably the best place to be so that God can work in us. Love you best bud!

  2. That is one of the powerful songs to me and always brings me to tears. I admire your courage and desire to want to be closer to God. I also struggle with finding time to build my relationship with Him. God bless you and give you the strength and patience you need!

  3. you know lauren, I just said that very thing, "I asked God is it me, is it my heart?, if so God PLEASE change me, my heart Oh LORD!!" I am tired of being sad, tired of being worried, fill with anxiety. I shouldn't be this way, it is NOT the way God's word says I should be. I haven't been as faithful in my devotions, I am filled with yearning for something, and of course its God's word. You are so right, we get so involved with our own struggles, we forgot who love us most. I am guilty, I am ashamed to say, maybe I raised my children this way, the way that I am. If I have, I am sorry to you, and to kim and ricky, but most of all to God. Change is due and I pray I am up to the challenge. Thank you for this...


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