Here and Now
The Lord is just so amazing. I love how he knows my heart better then I do.
When I have no answers he has them all... I've mentioned in another post HERE , where I talk about Pushdownism. (Its a real condition I tell ya!)
So the reason I'm visiting this place is again... I'm guilty of it... again.
Last night was corporate prayer. It was wonderful.
Backup a bit *BBEEEPP, BEEEP!* =)
This past weekend was filled with an array of different things. One of the major things was my little nephew Eli had to have tubes. Which is a common procedure. But obviously we all couldn't help feeling a little pins and needles. So I got to have my niece spend the night with us because the surgery was so early. Which was just a BLAST!! She is so cute!
Then there is another issue I can't really go into but it is involving two persons I love dearly. I'm worry about both being harmed because of one of the persons lifestyle. AND there is nothing I can do until one them IS in danger or hurt. Which is just beyond frustrating!! Plus school and we have been VERY VERY short for 2 weeks. When I say SHORT I'm not saying our saving is getting low, I mean no cashola. (this happened for various reasons) I've tried to not think about it. AND I'm so busy, I haven't sat down and really process and pray about my feelings about everything. Actually, I shamefully admit I hadn't stop to have that one on one time with just me and Jesus.
And this is where Pushdownism comes in play. Because I'm a master at the shove-it-down not thinking about it thing. So yeah.
So right before church something extremely minor happened and I have a mini crying jag. Poor Josh, he didn't know what was going on. Honestly at the moment, I wondered what was going on with me.
When we walked into the sanctuary, tears sprang to my eyes because instantly felt the presence of God. I sat down and I realized I hadn't brought my fears, feelings, worries to the Lord. I simply once again tried to handle them myself.
After confessing to God my bad attitude (trust me it was not pretty, picture a pretty princess pitching a royal fit), worry, fear... I felt such a freedom. And I felt I had some direction in a certain situation.
God really showed me some (not so pretty) places in my heart. One of those is in my heart I'm concentrating on what is going to be, what could happen. Not focusing on my blessings I have NOW.
Instead of hoping and wishing my life away I'm choosing to be happy where I am and continue to pursue the Lord. I have desires in my heart that burn fierce, but I can not spend my days focusing on when those things are going to happen when I'm missing what God has given me right now.
So my new commitment. To be joyful and thankful for NOW. I don't want to waste one more second on focusing on something thats not here yet. Thats not in God's plan yet. I want to focus on where God has me right now.
I'm a teacher
I'm a student
I'm a aunt
And my favorite a wife.
I'm excited and looking forward to trying new things with Josh and living our life to the fullest. =) And following where the Lord leads us!