I exhaust myself in "I want"
I've been reading this book by Joyce Meyer. "The Battle Belongs to the Lord"
I am only chapter two and God is really showing things to me.
For one, I can not change people, circumstance, situations, events.... I am NOT God. And I exhaust my self trying to figure out "What can I DO?"
I am a person of action. I want results. I hate sitting and waiting. I'll be honest in saying I am not the most patient person. When J and I face a challenge my mind immiediatley starts to try and figure out what can I do.
When I see my family suffering or making wrong choices I want to guide them and give advice.
When I am having a bad day, feeling sad, disapointed... whatever... I immideiatley think "How can I get out of this mood?"
I'm convicted. Seriously. I am ashamed to say that it is not often prayer that I go to first....I do always go to prayer just not first. It is usually my training/education that I go to. I know different techniques and strategies that help or have helped others.
I rarely just sit. rest. wait.
Being unable to get pregnant is something that has been a cloud over me... I cannot fix it
Seeing my favorite little people suffer... I cannot fix it
Seeing family members get more miserable because they will not seek help.... I cannot fix it
And so these situations plague me.
Then this morning I'm reading the second chapter of this book "Admit Your Dependence on God"
And self-rightouesly I said to myself "Oh I am totally dependant on God"
Then the more I read the more I realized... "Lauren, you do not have this perfected like you thought... get off your high horse" :)
In 2 Chronicles 20 there is a GREAT story about King Jehoshaphat. Judah was being faced with fighting I believe 3 seperate armies at ONE time!
Do you know what King Jehoshaphat did? First he was afraid, but he turned to praising God. Telling him how amazing he is. Reminding God all the great things he had already done for his people. Then he called a fast. He knew he needed God's direction. So all of Judah fasted and prayed.
Just waited. I am in awe of that. They were about to be destroyed. killed. Instead of rushing to see what THEY could do, they waiting on what GOD wanted to do.
Verse 20 is what is holding onto my heart this morning.
and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's.
So, my first step was this morning. Praising his name. Then I gave him these situations. Now I'm going to rest in him.