Are you up for the challenge?

Before I give you the challenge, let me give a back story.

In 1997 there was a twelve year old girl who dreamed of her prince Charming. She had filled her little girl heart full of Disney princes... and their magic. Movie magic.

Fast forward to 1999 she was now almost fourteen and attending a youth conference. They talked about all sorts of topics. The topic that caught her attention was the "Dating with Purpose" concept.

Not every fourteen year old is preoccupied with who God wants them to marry. Or what God has to say about dating. She started writing in a journal to her future husband, after being inspired by a famous Christian artist. And started to pray over him. Whoever he was.

But at that conference she made the choice to not date just anyone. She wanted to guard her heart. To only date someone who had the qualities of the husband she dreamed of. So she made a list, and prayed over it. Furthering her commitment to God and herself, not to kiss or be intimate with anyone but her future husband.

As she got older the list changed of course, things like hair color did not matter as much as having a job (smile)

After eight years of staying true to her commitment, and waiting... Josh and I met in 2007.

I made that commitment eighteen years ago.

I have been living with my very own dream man for ten years!

We celebrated ten years of marriage on the first of December.

We have had many ask us what our advice would be? How are we beating the 50%?

I honestly think it started with my heart as fourteen year old. Many years of praying, and really wanting what God had for me.

Marriage is no cake walk. It is tough.

When people see Josh and I, they see a happy couple. And we are. But we work at it. Some days are harder than others and some seasons have really stretched us. I wrote about a difficult season we went through last year in my post "Death To Me"

So here are some ways that can help your marriage (and a couple can be applied to any relationship):

1. God First. Family Second. Everything Else Third.... When I say God first I am talking about your personal relationship with God has to be a priority. Reading your bible, spending time in prayer. Your immediate family (Spouse and kids) need to be second. Consider their feelings. Your an example of Christ to them first, they see the good days and bad. What great opportunity to show your children the way. This leads me to my second point. PRAY TOGETHER!
2. Boundaries.... Boundaries....Boundaries...This is vital to a marriage! You must have these limits or perimeters with each other and with your extended families. Jesus loved boundaries. I need to write a post on boundaries... it really is vital. I will put a link at the end of the post to a great book. 
3. Grace.... Oh boy, have I needed forgiveness and grace from God. How can I possible hold it from my spouse? We are human, and we will make mistakes...but what a loving and freeing thing to say to your spouse, "It is okay" Forgiving them of their actions. Not holding something over your spouses head from here until eternity, like a bad omen. Take Elsa's advice "LET IT GO!" 
4. Commitment... if your arguments have "It's over"..."We're done"..."I'm leaving"...If it involves taking off rings and more empty threats... You need to re-evaluate. Divorce should not be used a tool of manipulation. When used in arguments 9/10 times that is what it is being used for. When you take those vows here are covenant under God, a promise. Remember you made that choice to spend your life with this person. Fight FOR it not AGAINST it
5. Hold your tongue... When Josh and I went to a Christian retreat for engaged couples we learned such valuable lessons. We made a mission statement. One of the items on this list was how we would handle disagreements. There would be no name-calling, yelling, no threats, and we would take time-outs when we needed to. For ten years we have kept these rules. Is it easy, Nope. Words cannot be taken back.

BUT WE ARE WORTH IT!!

For those who always ask us how, or say we #couplegoals ...

It has taken work, tears, talking, swollowing pride, being humble... and most important God

My challenge to you... don't take the east way out. Fight for it!
 

All my love,

Aunt LaLa


**Disclaimers: This is based on my own experiences. I am not a licensed counselor. This is not an all inclusive list, just some brief pointers. And if your marriage is in danger get help, talk to someone. If you are in a dangerous/abusive situation, please reach out. Abuse is not just physical...verbal/emotion/sexual abuse is just as dangerous.**