Joy Comes in the Morning
I felt like writing this post because as any one who has walked through grief knows that it is UP and DOWN daily
So today was an UP day for me.
Friday night was an ugly night. I was having a good day mostly. Very busy.
I had volunteered at our church's food pantry which I LOVE. I have not been able to because almost everyone in my family works.. so no babysitter.
Had to pick up my gorgeous niece and nephew from school.
But I started to get really sad. I had to tell two more people that we had lost our "little Bit"
Yesterday was two weeks since I had the D and C... it is not like I am trying to focus on dates it is just hard not for that thought of... Tuesday will be three weeks... three weeks since I seen my baby on the ultrasound... and so on. And it was the same with Hope. Those first, the holidays, the milestones.
So last night I was cooking... and I just broke. Ugly, gut wrenching, bending over crying. Trying to hide it from E.
My heart was just hurting and I was sad. Then not too long after I felt so sick. Weak, anxiety, stomach hurting...
I promise I am getting to the happy part of this.
I have an amazing group of women at my church. They are my dearest friends and my sisters.
Through this I have felt their prayers and clung to their words of encouragement.
J and I have really been hurting.
But today I felt genuine happiness.
We all planned a surprise for one my sweetest friends (Who by the way is just amazing... I call her my hippie friend... I love you Stacy)
We all surprised her at a local canvas painting class and went to lunch.
It was hours of pure happiness. I laughed and laughed. Had great (adult) conversation. Spent a great time with my friends.
It was one of the only times in the last two weeks I felt joyful
It was so needed...
We may not even know what our presence and smile do for others. Do not get so consumed with your own junk, or get jealous if some one gets a special treat from their friends. Think how can you serve them. How can you help them.
I posted this picture on facebook...and it has been my profile picture. Because it is such a true statement. And today reminded me how true it is.
Grief changes and it is a passage or journey.
So I am changing my profile picture to this...
Because today my eyes were not swollen from crying, I did not feel "empty", and I smiled. Really smiled from the inside out.
For that I am so so thankful.
Remember that scripture I shared last blog...
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning - Psalms 30:5
So today there was joy in the morning
All my love,