Is it my turn yet?

I think I've asked myself this question many many times.

My sister is expecting again. She will be having my nephew Mason in April. I have not met her fiance but she seems to be happy, and I'm happy for her. I know that God has a plan for each of us...

But honestly this broke my heart. And maybe I should not write about this but it is how I feel. I know my sister would understand if she read this. She has lost a baby, my nephew Ashton. She lost him in 2008 and it was heartbreaking. She was about 4/5 months when Ashton passed. Thankfully she has been able to carry JJ and Cayden ,not without difficulties, but they are healthy.

Now, I say all that to say I cannot say I was not heart broken when I found out initially she was pregnant. Honestly I was angry at God.

However, in the last few weeks I have worked on processing all of this and talking it out with God. I have to keep reminding myself what God has shown me.

1. I do not know what God's plan is for my sister, her fiance, and the kids. I have not idea what amazing plan he has for little Mason. It is not my decision what should and should not happen.

2. God has a unique plan just for J and I. It is uniquely created for our good with the best for us. So I MUST continue to trust in the ONE and only that can see the WHOLE picture.

3. J and I have actually have a plan and it involves waiting on trying to conceive. We feel it is a much better plan. Somehow the desire in my heart overrides my mind. We are not preventing getting pregnant. However we are not aggressively trying.

Since I know people are wondering and have asked what is the update on whether we are trying, not trying, adopting...

I know there are several who are praying for us and trust me we feel them. Even though we have a plan we still grieve our Hope and struggle sometimes with wondering if/when we will be parents.

I graduate in May 2014. Which is not that far off! After I graduate and hopefully have a secure job we will meet with our doctors and schedule to meet with a fertility specialist and get us both thouroughly checked out. At that point we will decide if we will continue through with IVF or another form of treatment. I do not think I can handle failed treatment or another miscarriage. So it really depends on our doctors findings.

If we decide that having a child biologically may not happen we will then begin to raise and save money to adopt. Our hearts are in-love with the thought of adoption we just do not know if it will be sooner or later that we adopt. But it will happen.

I think this post is long enough... Hope you all have a great rest of the week!

Aunt LaLa


  1. You are facing a lot in the next few months, Busy times! Finishing school, Holidays, graduation, Jessica and Aarons wedding, your big party for graduation, etc. Just give it time to "happen". It will! I know it! Stress is quite a bit to do with everything! A time, a season! Love you both

  2. Congrats to your sister. I know it hurts and I am praying for you always!

    Even though I do not comment, I still read! Just know I am here if you need to talk!

    Xo Lourdes

  3. Lauren, I am so glad you shared this update. I am very happy for your sister and that you will have another nephew to love (since you are the best Aunt there is), but I also know you are feeling a little hurt and sad. I understand your "when is it my turn" questions. I am proud of the decisions that you and Josh are making for your family, and I know that God has great things in store. I am looking forward to seeing how all of it plays out as you finish school, find a rewarding career, and then seeing what God has in store for growing your family. I know it is just hard watching everyone around you who seems to be expecting babies right now. I see it too. 2014 is going to be a very big baby boom. I am not sure where we are in our journey either on growing our family so we are just taking it day by day. I would love to just slow things down a bit and have time to figure it all out, but alas, I don't think that is really in the cards when you have two busy kids, work full-time, and just don't want to miss out on anything. No, these are definitely not "problems" and I am definitely not complaining one bit, and I know I am so blessed. I just say all the time that I want to find the time to enjoy the present. Anyway, I just want you to know you really mean a lot to me, and I am hear praying for you! (Those are not empty words either. I do really mean them.) :-)


Post a Comment

I love to hear from my blogger friends! I will always try my best to reply to each one! Thanks for stopping by!

Popular posts from this blog

One of the Most Important Decisions of My Life

Necessary End

Why am I like this?