Aunt LaLa

Happy Thanksgiving readers wherever you are. As your reading this I'm celebrating with my family. I said in my last post that I was working on a post about how God once again let me know "his eye is on the sparrow" A couple weeks ago I was honored to fill in singing on our worship team. I love each opportunity that God gives me to use the gifts he has given me Right before service started I stopped to talk to a young lady who often comes to our church. She had brought her newborn niece with her. Instantly I asked if I could hold her. The moment that little girl was in my arms, something inside me broke. Not necessarily in a bad way but more of a wall grief had come crashing down. In that instant I knew I wanted a baby again. I want to hold our baby in my arms and cover her face with kisses. This overwhelming feeling had me in tears... Struggling not to sob I headed to the stage and worshipped. I sang with all my heart. After church I t...

Wow, what a crazy couple weeks. I cannot even begin to tell you how my view of individuals have changed since the dreaded election. Don't groan or roll your eyes this will not be a political post I have seen too many as you have. My heart has hurt because of the hate, arguing, division... Boy oh boy... That's all I got to say about that... as Forest said. I want to make a difference. I have been thinking a lot about what that means for me. I have a college degree and I have passion. A passion to help people. I have been working on a project that I am really excited about and I hope to be able to get it done... I  will tell let you know when I finish. I am hoping that something comes of it. Thanksgiving is next week! I cannot believe that. We have our first play practice this Sunday and we are putting up our tree afterward. The plan was to put it up before this, but we moved to the first floor of our apartment building. For several reasons. But that is...

I felt like writing this post because as any one who has walked through grief knows that it is UP and DOWN  daily So today was an UP day for me.  Friday night was an ugly night. I was having a good day mostly. Very busy.  I had volunteered at our church's food pantry which I LOVE. I have not been able to because almost everyone in my family works.. so no babysitter.  Had to pick up my gorgeous niece and nephew from school.  But I started to get really sad. I had to tell two more people that we had lost our "little Bit"  Yesterday was two weeks since I had the D and C... it is not like I am trying to focus on dates it is just hard not for that thought of... Tuesday will be three weeks... three weeks since I seen my baby on the ultrasound... and so on. And it was the same with Hope. Those first, the holidays, the milestones.  So last night I was cooking... and I just broke. Ugly, gut wrenching, bending over crying. Trying to h...