What about baby #2?

Before I even had E I was asked if we wanted another child. I remember looking at these people like they had two heads! I had not even gone through my first birth... my second baby was not on my list.

E's birth was traumatic and made me feel all sorts of fear and anxiousness at the thought of having a second baby.

Even though I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I meant it when I said "We will adopt, I am not going through that again", here I am.

I brought the subject up to J around September. E was about to turn one and I was really feeling baby fever. The year had passed so fast. However we were just really starting to feel comfortable in our new roles as parents and dealing with how that changed our dynamic as a family of 2 to 3.

At first J was extremely apprehensive. For several reasons. Good reasons.

This was kind difficult to deal with. Usually J and I when it comes to big decisions are on the same page. In this instance.... we were not.

So we talked it out for a bit while we were having yet another late dinner because of his schedule and feeding Ethan who needed a night snack because we were eating.

I became a little apprehensive. I was thinking J would be so excited. I was not really sure what to do with my feelings. He loved being a dad.

After a couple days I decided to bring it up again. I was trying to act like it was okay and I understood, but I really needed to talk over it some more.

We talked it out. After some discussion I understood his feelings much better. And I was comfortable to say,"When your ready, I'll be ready"

Fast Forward to the end of October, I had really been praying about our decision to start working toward baby #2. It was on my heart for some reason, so I turned to the person who never fails me, my Lord. I turned the big 30 in October and I know every year I get older it adds more difficulty in getting pregnant.

So the time came for me to start a new pack of my  birth control. I was not really happy with the one I was one and wanted to change. So as I was discussing this with J we started talking about baby #2. He said he had been really thinking about it.

After praying together about it we decided to stop birth control. I have since went for my yearly physical and they gave me the go ahead. Since I had Ethan I have lost 20lbs. I'm working on getting to gym more.

So to those who ask all the time :) yes we are trying for baby #2.

I do not know what the future holds but I do know this, God has it. It is frightening. Maybe baby#2 comes from heart and not my womb. Adoption has always been in our plans, we just do not know what is in God's blue print.

Keep us in your prayers.

As always, I'm here if you need me.