Aunt LaLa

I admire my cousin. She lost her husband last year. His birthday was this last month. In a post she wrote that she wasn't moving on but she was moving forward. Life continues, it doesn't stop for your crisis, grief, problems, delays... It just goes. It is really inconsiderate like that. I think one of the most difficult things to process for me this last season of my life was that very thing- moving forward. I dug my heels and refused to move until I was ready. Which trying to do that with a toddler that is one of my greatest joys in life is almost impossible. I felt guilt for not thinking of Little Bit...Or being happy. Then there are times when guilt comes because I have not "moved on" or "counted my blessings" This journey has been more difficult in some ways than losing Hope... And in someways it's been easier It hurts my heart that I have two babies in Heaven. Not just hurt... Its broken... But it's held together with love. ...

Happy Friday!! For the last 21 days I've been apart of a fast...  What is a fast?  Glad you asked... To me personally it means to set aside something that I enjoy. A sacrifice. In place of this thing replace it with prayer and time with God.  I feel it is like an extra "umph" to my prayers and petition with God. Like shooting a flare gun to Heaven... I am not a scholar and that my friend is the best I way I can explain it in layman's terms. It's not something to treat lightly...Or to get attention ( Jesus teaches against that in Matthew 6:5)  It's a personal thing between you and God.  At the first of every year of church does this fast together. And we see God move in such a mighty way. He honors our sacrifices.  But it's been painful too... At least for me.  As I replaced my idol time with time in the Bible and praying there were things in my spirit that were not pleasing to God. Certain things that had...