Aunt LaLa

I have been around babies and taking care of them from a very young age but there is just something different when it is your own. There is no "off day", no ending to the shift.  When we came home from the hospital I was so excited and glad to just have my baby at home. So we were now on our own... no nurses and no doctors. Just my boy and I. J had to come pick us up and then return to work unfortunately. So Ethan and I were on our own... it was the best feeling ever.  I was asked if I wanted anyone with me, or was I nervous... the answer to both was no. I honestly could not wait to get by myself with my new little boy.  I knew that there would be sleepless nights. I knew that I was still recovering from surgery. I knew that Josh would be at work all day and I would be the main care taker of Ethan. Oh and do not forget hormones.  Even though I knew that, I gained a whole different understanding of exhaustion. And I gained a whole new respect of my bo...

I have to remind myself that it is OK to feel what I feel... I've been told to give myself permission to just feel the way I do. There is no wrong or right... I just re-read the blog from last year at the second balloon release for Hope and the other angel babies. My heart feels so overwhelmed with so many emotions. Tomorrow is my birthday... I will be 29. I'm sitting right next to a miracle. A real, tangible, breathing miracle. Ethan was not expected to have ever be... then when he was born it was almost as if we were going to lose him before we get to hold him... I do not think I could ever explain the range of emotions I felt the 18 days he was in the hospital. The exhaustion I felt... the anger, hurt, sadness, grief, and absolute joy of being a mother to this beautiful creation! Sometimes we are hardest critics... we compare ourselves to other people or to something that is intangible. Talking to a friend today I was reminded that we have such pre-notions of wh...

Ethan Alexander 9/15/2014 10 lbs. 10 oz Going home outfit! Mommy is happy! First day without any tubes! Love that face! Ethan and mommies first selfie! Daddy finally gets to hold me for the first time! Mommy meeting Ethan for the first time Waiting on Daddy, we are going home!! I know you probably thought I have fell off the face of the earth but actually I was just baking a baby and actually having him! He was born on the 15th of September at 37 weeks. From birth he had several problems and we have been in the NICU for almost 3 weeks.  I have so much I need to write.. but tonight I shall enjoy having my baby home for the first time.  I'm completely in love with my little boy! The Lord be praised for him and healing his body!!