Aunt LaLa

  I have this need to write when I am going through things that evoke strong emotions.  I have so many drafts saved and never published... but this... this will be posted.  Almost three weeks ago I lost a pillar in my life. He left this world and went to be with Jesus.  "Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:8  Grandpa has ALWAYS been there for my family. For all of us. From borrowing his truck, providing a roof over my head several times, to asking me just one more time while he lay in the hospital "You got gas money?" Just days before he passed. Today was a hard day. Words can not express my grief over losing my grandpa. Or the heartbreak I feel for my grandmother. They were married just shy of 63 years. She will tell you their marriage had many tough seasons, but they had many wonderful years. They fought for each other. They loved each other so much.  We are all trying to navig...

 Hi to all those who are reading this. It was been way too long that I have gotten on here and wrote.  I feel like this is still a viable platform for me to share my heart and also process some things in writing.  I have not really processed things in writing like I used to. Not to mention having a 9 and 5 year old really takey a lot of my energy :)  I could not however let this month go by without coming on here to honor our babies... especially after this last week.  I am just going to just jump right in.  In the beginning of September we were approached by family about the possibility of adopting a baby. I am not going to go into all the details because it is not my story to tell.  It is no secret that Josh and I have always had a heart for adoption even before our kids came along. Actually two months before I became pregnant with Ethan, we were in contact with an adoption agency.  But the Lord had a different plan.  Over the the last two ...

Look at this beautiful face. She is a miracle. This is the only time you will find her still- while she is asleep.  And she is a handful. Smile.  She is full of spunk and energy, she is so smart. She has has been going to sleep with this cute ABC book pop-up book. These past few weeks, her and I have been battling. She is headed toward the three year old mark, and frankly I feel like on some days she could be THE poster child for a text book "Threenager" When I say there has been more than one moment I've been brought to tears, I am being honest.  In fact just last week I sent Josh a text from the living room while he works in our bedroom... (while Esther was screaming like a wounded animal)  "She has defeated me" with a cute little white flag. Made a funny post about it on Facebook.  But in all honestly, I thought.... "Lord, help me. What am I going to do?" I remember going through a tough time with Ethan, but he was much different. Things that have a...

 Hi everyone!  If you are still around and reading my ramblings...thank you.  I've always loved to write, not too long ago someone asked me why I never write anymore.  My immediate answer was "I just don't have the time" But really, I could make time. I think life has been CRAZY, hard, and full. I think just like everyone there has been a struggle in all of us this last year and into this year.  I have had some personal things I have worked through. Some things in my family that have been hard to navigate. My heart has grieved.  However, God has been nearer than he ever has. I have seen small and big miracles. I have seen healing. I have seen other men and women of God change before my eyes. Seeing answered prayers of people that I care about happening weekly.  I have depended on God more in the last year and a half than I ever  have. I have also experienced more freedom than I ever have spiritually.  I am just incredibly grateful. So gratefu...

Hi! It has been a minute since I have written.  I think about who and where I was when I started writing in the blog on a consistent basis in 2011. That is almost ten years!  A decade full of happiness and sorrows. Ups and downs. Mountains and Valley's.  There is so much that is going on around us in our world right now.  Fear. Anger. Sickness. Change.  I want this to be an encouraging place.  I will tell you why... Because I am about Jesus. Only Jesus.  I want people to see him in me.  "I want so of much him in me, that there is no room for me in me" So.. I am going to start writing about the miracles I have seen. The things I have seen with my own eyes that God has done.  Because...  In Philippians 4:8 it says... Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these ...

I was interviewed in October 2013 by WVLT when I organized a balloon release in memory of our sweet babies and to offer a place of healing for parents, family, and friends. Even though you may not hear that parent talk about their babies they lost, the thought of them is not far from their heart. I'm thankful for the healing God has done in my life and my heart. But I miss my two babies in Heaven terribly. I hold them dear to my heart. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and the 15th is PAIL Day. So, Tuesday October 15th at 6:30pm, Josh and I will release balloons for our two sweet babies. Hope (May 2012) and Sarah (September 2016) If you are are local, your welcome to join us with your balloon. Or if you would like I will write your baby's name on a balloon to release. You can leave the name in the comments, or private message me. Know that if you are grieving your sweet baby, you are not alone. And having other children does not diminish your love for y...

I am so overcome with emotion! Like that bubbly feeling you feel and your just not sure what to do with your self? Through much prayer I accepted a role at my local church as the Children's Pastor. I’ve always loved children, and am looking forward to all that God is going to do through our ministry team! One of the main and most important job is teach these children about JESUS. Jesus died for you and for me. So that we may receive forgiveness of our sin through Jesus Christ, so that we can spend eternity with God. We are about Jesus and God’s truth in our house. E has asked many questions and we have many discussions about Jesus. I was teaching a couple weeks ago (July 10, 2019), and it E was the only one in my class at the time. We started talking about how God can change a situation that does not look that great, if we allow the Holy Spirit to help us to see things differently. I told him that Jesus saved us from our sins so that we co...

Whew!! That was ROUGH! Our sweet girl is about to be nine months (insert momma crying hysterically)... Literally the day she turned six months it felt like the sun came out and the fog moved away. Like taking a breath of fresh air. Like a days and days of cold, cold rain. Then you wake up because the SUN is shining in your face, the clouds moved on. My FOG was gone!! You know I have heard so many times that each pregnancy is different. And it was. I've been told each delivery is different. And it was. But for whatever reason I never thought about postpartum being different. I prepared myself mentally and emotionally (I wrote about my postpartum depression  HERE ). I talked to my Dr. about it. I was READY! Well... I WAS NOT ready (Face ---> Palm) Josh and I talked about warning signs and what our plan was. We talked about how we were going to transition in our relationship and how we were going to handle Ethan's jealous...

Grace. Such a small word to hold so much weight. And God has been showing me different ways to extend grace to those around me. Growing up I felt I had to be perfect, never wanting to disappoint my Heavenly father or my earthly one as well. No one really ever said "Lauren, be perfect"...yet somehow I spent years of my life (and still occasionally) fight for perfection. I can extend love and understanding to others. I always try to see from the others perspective, because we each perceive every situation in our own way. But to those we love most and are the closest to us...oh those are the ones that test us. You want so bad for them to do better. For their life to be full of good, Godly things. Maybe I am alone in this, but I am tested most by this area. You see, my expectations for myself are SO HIGH, I have a hard time excepting failure. Broken promises. Mistakes. It is exhausting. I am much better than I was, but I am a work in p...

When I sit down to write, it is impossible for me to write something that is of quality if it is NOT what is on my mind/heart.  So, I really want to start writing again. It is therapeutic for me to get it out. I think I have stopped myself from writing because what I want to say sometimes is not edifying and just frustrating.  Our society, our culture, everywhere feels like it is so hostile.  I have seen in the last couple years people leave friends behind, family get bitter with one another.  Hate and anger fuel mean and hurtful words.  What is even more frustrating is that its most over some sort of social media platform.  What are we allowing the media and these platforms to do? I get it. Your passionate.  I read a "rant" from a person. And it hurt my heart. It was full of anger, and slamming others for what they felt in their hearts was the right thing.  At the same time I've seen this same person lectu...

(I started writing this a couple weeks ago, today was a good day 😘😘) Sittin here right now holding my girl. It's almost midnight... And today was a hard day. I know that if your a mom, you know what kind of day I'm talking about. My four year old has been so clingy. (Yes, I know he won't always be that way) if you have never had a child literally cling to you ALL DAY... Then let me just tell you... It's exhausting. At the same time I have an almost four month old who depends on me for everything. Today was just one of those days. To be completely honest, I've been cranky. Short tempered. I have always wanted to be a mom. I mothered everyone when I was a child (sorry cousins) But listen, mothering is hard. Being a stay at home mom is so hard. Being a working mom is so hard. Sometimes it's lonely. Being a dad is hard. Staying at home or working. Being a parent is HARD. oh but those moments when you see your four year old contemplate a choic...

Merry Christmas! I love Christmas ❤️ In honor of CHRISTMAS I'm going to tell my sweet girls birth story Last night I was reminded that a new baby holds so much joy. Hope. Love. A baby reminds me that thousands of years ago my savior was born in Bethlehem. He had a mommy and a daddy that kissed all over his face. Smelled his sweet breathe.  Held him close. That precious baby was going to grow and be the Lord over us all. Oh my heart. So, I was scheduled for cesarean at exactly 38 weeks pregnant. I was scared. Scared of pain. Scared of something going wrong. Scared of the impact on my baby boy being away from me for several days. But, as much as I was grateful for my baby girl, I was DONE being pregnant. So done. This pregnancy was so hard, harder than Ethan's. My emotions, my body were kaput. Four years + my age + life= one tired/hormonal/physically exhausted momma The night before we were to be at the hospital I ate ...

Hello readers  Ugh, I've struggled over here with writing this post.  But, it is really on my heart. And it is because I have unresolved emotions about a couple friendships that I feel I have lost this year.  Unfortunately they are not situations that I can go and tell these individuals. Maybe one day but the situations are difficult and sensitive.  I am not one to harbor feelings, I do not want to go through life with unresolved with offense. My heart was hurt.  My flesh wants to just react. I want to delete connections on social media and delete numbers on my phone. Ignore them like I have felt they ignored me.  But, I can not... well I could.  But I won't. Here is why.  I have been a bad friend at one time or another. I try my best to love like I would want some one to love me, but I know I have failed.  Sometimes, that is one-sided...being a good friend  Every time I get frustrated, ...