Aunt LaLa

My last post was not a happy one or really all that joyful was it? When I wrote No Answers  I was in a rough place. This has been a trying year. A year of death, loss, trial after trial. At one point we owned three cars and not one was dependable. It was like a comedy and we were the punch line. Honestly with December came this feeling of hopelessness. I felt desperate to feel some sort of soothing balm to my open wounds. I have seen my sweet cousin lose her husband, Brian.  A young woman who was 25 die of cancer leaving three young children behind. We lost a pillar of our church, a man well into his nineties. He was and is dearly loved. A little child burned Children taken from their mother My sweet husband has lost two aunts and an uncle this year.... My sister was in a car accident and if not for the wonder of Doctors would have been permanently paralyzed... We lost our Little Bit, and a few months earlier a cousin lost her baby I know I am not ...

Last year around August I started bringing up the subject about having another baby. At first Josh was not keen on the idea. For several reason, those are not mine to share. When January came around so did Josh. We decided after an appointment with our Dr that we would try to get pregnant. We did. Then we lost our baby. I write this because I really pray for God's guidance in my life. Yes, I am one of those people... I actually believe God cares about my life and my decisions. And he has something to say about them too. I have been trying to do my devotional every morning before Ethan wakes up. I'm usually successful in finishing praying. I really felt like God wanted us to try again. And I really prayed hard. We went through so much with Ethan after he was born and I did NOT, let me express this again DID NOT want to have to go through that again. NO. I was scared the entire time I was pregnant. Then after he was born, we almost lost him. Today while I was ...