Aunt LaLa

Whew!! That was ROUGH! Our sweet girl is about to be nine months (insert momma crying hysterically)... Literally the day she turned six months it felt like the sun came out and the fog moved away. Like taking a breath of fresh air. Like a days and days of cold, cold rain. Then you wake up because the SUN is shining in your face, the clouds moved on. My FOG was gone!! You know I have heard so many times that each pregnancy is different. And it was. I've been told each delivery is different. And it was. But for whatever reason I never thought about postpartum being different. I prepared myself mentally and emotionally (I wrote about my postpartum depression  HERE ). I talked to my Dr. about it. I was READY! Well... I WAS NOT ready (Face ---> Palm) Josh and I talked about warning signs and what our plan was. We talked about how we were going to transition in our relationship and how we were going to handle Ethan's jealous...

Grace. Such a small word to hold so much weight. And God has been showing me different ways to extend grace to those around me. Growing up I felt I had to be perfect, never wanting to disappoint my Heavenly father or my earthly one as well. No one really ever said "Lauren, be perfect"...yet somehow I spent years of my life (and still occasionally) fight for perfection. I can extend love and understanding to others. I always try to see from the others perspective, because we each perceive every situation in our own way. But to those we love most and are the closest to us...oh those are the ones that test us. You want so bad for them to do better. For their life to be full of good, Godly things. Maybe I am alone in this, but I am tested most by this area. You see, my expectations for myself are SO HIGH, I have a hard time excepting failure. Broken promises. Mistakes. It is exhausting. I am much better than I was, but I am a work in p...

When I sit down to write, it is impossible for me to write something that is of quality if it is NOT what is on my mind/heart.  So, I really want to start writing again. It is therapeutic for me to get it out. I think I have stopped myself from writing because what I want to say sometimes is not edifying and just frustrating.  Our society, our culture, everywhere feels like it is so hostile.  I have seen in the last couple years people leave friends behind, family get bitter with one another.  Hate and anger fuel mean and hurtful words.  What is even more frustrating is that its most over some sort of social media platform.  What are we allowing the media and these platforms to do? I get it. Your passionate.  I read a "rant" from a person. And it hurt my heart. It was full of anger, and slamming others for what they felt in their hearts was the right thing.  At the same time I've seen this same person lectu...

(I started writing this a couple weeks ago, today was a good day 😘😘) Sittin here right now holding my girl. It's almost midnight... And today was a hard day. I know that if your a mom, you know what kind of day I'm talking about. My four year old has been so clingy. (Yes, I know he won't always be that way) if you have never had a child literally cling to you ALL DAY... Then let me just tell you... It's exhausting. At the same time I have an almost four month old who depends on me for everything. Today was just one of those days. To be completely honest, I've been cranky. Short tempered. I have always wanted to be a mom. I mothered everyone when I was a child (sorry cousins) But listen, mothering is hard. Being a stay at home mom is so hard. Being a working mom is so hard. Sometimes it's lonely. Being a dad is hard. Staying at home or working. Being a parent is HARD. oh but those moments when you see your four year old contemplate a choic...

Merry Christmas! I love Christmas ❤️ In honor of CHRISTMAS I'm going to tell my sweet girls birth story Last night I was reminded that a new baby holds so much joy. Hope. Love. A baby reminds me that thousands of years ago my savior was born in Bethlehem. He had a mommy and a daddy that kissed all over his face. Smelled his sweet breathe.  Held him close. That precious baby was going to grow and be the Lord over us all. Oh my heart. So, I was scheduled for cesarean at exactly 38 weeks pregnant. I was scared. Scared of pain. Scared of something going wrong. Scared of the impact on my baby boy being away from me for several days. But, as much as I was grateful for my baby girl, I was DONE being pregnant. So done. This pregnancy was so hard, harder than Ethan's. My emotions, my body were kaput. Four years + my age + life= one tired/hormonal/physically exhausted momma The night before we were to be at the hospital I ate ...

Hello readers  Ugh, I've struggled over here with writing this post.  But, it is really on my heart. And it is because I have unresolved emotions about a couple friendships that I feel I have lost this year.  Unfortunately they are not situations that I can go and tell these individuals. Maybe one day but the situations are difficult and sensitive.  I am not one to harbor feelings, I do not want to go through life with unresolved with offense. My heart was hurt.  My flesh wants to just react. I want to delete connections on social media and delete numbers on my phone. Ignore them like I have felt they ignored me.  But, I can not... well I could.  But I won't. Here is why.  I have been a bad friend at one time or another. I try my best to love like I would want some one to love me, but I know I have failed.  Sometimes, that is one-sided...being a good friend  Every time I get frustrated, ...

She is here.  She arrived in late September weighing just over  seven pounds.  My sweet little girl is here.  We have been very tired, busy, and recovering.  I will write our birth story soon. But until then.  Here she is.  Esther